GG Week 14. Conference Championships.

GG Week 14 Games.

Conference Championships.

All Saturday Games.

Baylor vs. Oklahoma State, Arlington, TX (JerryWorld), Noon, abc.

Georgia vs Alabama, Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, GA, 4 PM, CBS.

Michigan vs. Iowa, Lucas Oil Stadium, Indianapolis, IN, 8 PM Fox. Gus Johnson enters the Orgasmatron again.

Time to see what you're made of. 

Can anyone challenge the Bronie? You make the call.

Roll the bones.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life.

GG Week 13 Results

GG Week 13 Results:

Ole Miss scuttles Mississippi State 31 - 21 in Starkville. Mike Leach no bueno.

Michigan man-handles TOSU 42 - 27 in Ann Arbor and it wasn't even close. Total domination.

Oklahoma drops the Bedlam game to Oklahoma State, 37 - 33 in Stillwater and Lincoln Riley skips town for the west coast with a PokeStick hanging out of his ass before the dust even settles. Stay classy, Lincoln. 

Jim Harbaugh is kind of a douche but you have to admire what he's done at scUM. No coach in the last 5 years has been derided and spit upon as much as Harbaugh. Yet he stuck with a program that, when he inherited it from BRADY HOKE, was a three-alarm dumpster fire of shitty assistant coaches and misfit recruits.

And he turned it around 180 degrees. Meechy didn't just beat TOSU in Ann Arbor in the snow Saturday. They stole their souls. And that comment (which, characteristically, Khaki Pants screwed up) about "some people that are standing on third base" (it's actually, "that are BORN on third base") and "think they hit a triple. But they didn't", wouldn't sting so much if there wasn't so much truth in it. 

Look at that clown, Brady Hoke. And then remember what Ryan Day inherited 3 years ago. And what he's done with it.  

A wise ex-BRFLer named Martin Ryan once famously said, "College football is cyclical". The worm turns. Truer words were never spoken. 

BroFro. 1 to go to 27.  You're lucky you had the 'Pokes.

McLovin. 2 to go to 19.

Teeblations. So close to a sweep but, well. Teebs. Picked Mississippi State. 2 to go to 16. Still pretty bad.

DTBH. 1 to go to 16. Laughable.

Snottie. 1 to go to 27. Oklahoma? Seriously? In T. Boone Pickens Stadium?

DPo. Should have been the Rapture yet you forgot the Thursday game and went with TOSU. God      judges you harshly. 1 to go to 26.

SockPuppet. 1 to go to 20. Yawn. PuppetMaster with no mojo.

Bo$uke. The woe. The tragedy. 2 to go to 13. Holds down last place.

Ronde'. 2 to go to 21. Meh.

CCS. 1 to go to 24. You need to do better.

Bronita. SWEEP! Separation Saturday for the Bronie. And, yes, there was a guy in full-body Bronie    suit at the Michigan game, caught on TV. White unicorn with rainbow mane. How many saw                  it? 5 to go to 37.

QXXX. 2 to go to 17. Slowly righting the ship.

Lola. 2 to go to 30. You need a sweep badly.

Kitten. 2 to go to 25. Don't even talk to me.

On to the Conference Championships.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

 

BRFL Week 12 Results

 BRFL Week 12 Results.

Oregon gets hosed by Utah 38 - 7. We've talked about this.

The AP is merciless. A minus seven amputation for the Ducks. Sock Puppet with +17.

Iowa State 21, Fucking Oklahoma 28. Don't worry, Lola. The Sooners are going to get theirs. Naught on the weekend. Still minus 20 fo' you.

There was a time when we thought Snottie was a goner. 

No more. Utah trots out the bizarre Unis and skonks the Ducks 38 - 7. 

1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. An orgy of AP love spells +8 more. 10 pointer on the weekend.

Snottie roars into +18.

USC. Another week. Another package of Massengill. UCLA 62 - USC 33. Zeros on the weekend for 'Po. Stay at -10.

Coastal Carolina 35, Texas State 21. Texas State. A win's a win. Pathetic or otherwise. 1 for the win. +8 for BroFro.

Bearcats hammer the Ponies 48 -14. Still undefeated. CFP. CFP. CFP! Kitten screeches into second place with, (can you believe this shit?) 1 for the win, then a bend over by the AP with a one point drop so the weekend is a wash. Zero. Still +23 the total. 
Fucking AP. Anybody else beats SMU they get a 2 point move up.

Ole Miss butchers Vandy 32  - 17. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. 2 points of love from the AP. +4 weekend. Fucking Ronde' way out front with +40. PLUS FORTY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!

U Washington buggered by the Buffs. Colorado 20, Huskies 17. Jesus, CCS. What a horrible life. You have minus 6.

Iowa eeks one out against lowly Illinois 33 -23. Normally I would applaud any whupping of Bert Bielema. Except in this case where I feel compelled to remark, "Fuck you, Sean." DTBH with 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up (Illinois?), +3 weekend and Dog is at +19. 

TOSU. Ass-whipping of MooU 56 - 7. Normally that would translate into 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and +3 love from the move up for +5 on the weekend. I get none of that, since I bet the ranch and lost. Instead I get a GREAM!, the infamous minus 5. 'Bo$uke craps out at +3.

Wisco continues to rally, despite Graham Mertz. 35 - 28 over hapless Nebraska. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. Teeblations climbs to +6.

UNC violates Wofford 34 -14. What the fuck is this, Bronita? A payday game? 1 for the win, Turd. Minus 13.

Georgia. Talk about fucking pay-day games. Bulldogs survive a  hard-fought contest with perennial power-house Charleston Southern, 56 - 7. 1 for the win and 1 for the no drop. Total + 21. I smell your fear. 

The God Posse gets the shit kicked out of themselves by the Rajin' Cajuns 42 -17 at home. This pick did not work out. Stay at +7.

North to Ann Arbor. 

DEATH OR GLORY.

Men of the Scarlet and Grey!

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 12 Results

 Death to Shitigan

It's Hate Week. 

GG Week 12 Results.

And so it is, that we see the problem with betting the ranch.

Ohio State flattens Meechy State 56 - 7 in Columbus and it wasn't that close. Eat shit, Sparty.

UCLA victimizes USC in the Coliseum 62 - 33. A titanic cross-town bitch-slapping by the Bruins.

Utah skins Oregon 38 - 7 in Rice-Eccles Stadium. 

What to say about this game, other than the fact that it doomed my sweep and cost me a lot of money? Let's just say what those of us who watched this fiasco saw; 

Oregon is not a good team. Mario Cristobal is not a good coach. Oregon has an unlimited supply of fancy uniforms and, apparently, Utah has a puzzling, fancy set of unis, too. 

It took me most of the first quarter to figure out that the big orange and yellow splotch on the left side of their helmets was the muzzle blast of a big fucking cannon from the deck of the USS Seattle, a ship I previously did not know existed. 

Props to the Utes for designing an entire uniform around a battle-ship and somehow picking up some of that 'service academy' mojo in the process. 

This was kind of embarrassing, if you were an Oregon fan (which I was, for this one game). 

Sock, I know you feel my pain. Snottie, you called it and I didn't listen. I hate me.

Oregon. Mario Fucking Cristobal. Mario, 'oh, we're so physical' Cristobal. As his team gets pushed around by Utah and basically gives up on an-almost-no-time-remaining-in-the-half punt return for a TD.  Just, ya' know, fuck you, Mario. Again, the perils of the transfer portal show themselves as the RB that ran rough-shod through the Ducks was a transfer from wherever-the-fuck.

BroFro. SWEEP! 5 to go to 26. You count the Bro out at your own peril.

McLovin. 1 to go to 17. So sad, TurdFace.

Teebs. No entry. Distracted by Four Floors of Whores? God I hope so. Stay at 14, Loser.

DogTheBountyHunter. 1 to go to 15. You believed in TOSU so I call you 'Brother'. Your other picks, like those of McLovin, were ass. 

Snottie. SWEEP! 5 to go to 26 and the SnotMan is no longer fucking around. 

DPo. 2 to go to 25. Tripped up by dingle-hole Cristobal. Sorry, Bro.

SockPuppet. 2 to go to 19. The unkindest cut is that you OWN the Oregon ShitWagon.

Bo$uke. Bet 50% of his BRFL points. Minus 11 on the weekend. He got two out of three right which nets him exactly stoogatz. Had 22. Has 11.

Last. Fucking. Place.

Ronde'. All three picks were wrong. Somehow that's worse than what happened to me and happy I am that it happened to you, ass-munch. You stay at 19 and shut up about it.

CCS. 2 to go to 23. You are scraping the lower limits of respectability. I don't know whether to laugh or cry so I guess I'll just go to the bathroom, Fucker.

Bronita. SWEEP! You  may be a sick Bronie pervert but you're putting on quite a show in GG this year, ToolShed. 5 to go to 32 for the undisputed lead. 

QXXX. 2 to go to 15. I am no longer in a position to make fun of you. This makes me sad.

Lola. 2 to go to 26. Trusted Mario Douche Cristobal and paid the price. Read Scripture. Atone for your sins, Sinner.

Kitten. SWEEP! 5 to go to 23 and the Kitty continues to show he's got some game. Nice.

Onward into Hate Week.

Jimbo$uke,

Commi$$ioner for Life

GG Week 13 Games

 

GG Week 13 Games.

A remarkably lean slate for this late in the season. 

Of course, this when a lot of SEC teams schedule pay-day games so, there's that.

THURSDAY GAME. THURSDAY GAME. THURSDAY GAME.

Ole Miss @ Mississippi State. Starkville, Mississippi.

7:30 PM,  ESPN, Thursday

Ohio State @ xichigan. Ann Arbor, MI. 

Noon, FOX, Saturday

The Men of the Scarlet and Grey head north to destroy the Evil Wolverine Conspiracy.

DEATH OR GLORY!

Oklahoma Sooners @ Oklahoma State. T. Boone Pickens Stadium, Stillwater, TX.

7:30 PM ABC, Saturday night

Bring your "A" game, Brothers and Sisters. It's Rivalry week.

Roll the bones.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 11 Results

 

BRFL Week 11 Results.

Read no further, Brothers and Sisters, without pausing to take note of my Venmo handle:

@James-LaCava-2   

This is a dandy way for those of you who want to participate in the first annual BRFL/NFL playoff pool to pony up your ten bucks, if you haven't already.

Let's move on, to this past week's action.

Oregon  beetles Wazzu 38 -  24 at home but, still. I think this squad is losing altitude. 

Anthony Brown balls out and is the team's leading rusher. Kayvon Thibodeaux is Kayvon Thibodeaux. But something seems off. Like, just before a team totally douches out and reveals their inner suckness. 

Sock Puppet grabs one for the win, one for the no drop and one for the AP move up (why?), +3 Saturday and it's +24 total for Sock. 

.                            

Iowa State visits Texas Tech at wherever TTech plays and  fucking loses, 41 - 38. Season of Shit rolls on for Lola. Naughts across the big board. Remain at minus 20. Strong performance in GG by the L-woman begs the question; why not Bet the Ranch?

                              

The Utes skonk the U of Arizona on the road, 38 -14 and it's DIDDLE! DIDDLE! DIDDLE! for Snottie. Out of the Darkness and Into the Light, Brave BRFLer. 1 for the win. 1 for landing @ #24 and 5 for the DIDDLE. Utah playing them some defense with 3 sacks and 7 TFLs vs the Wildcats.

USC vs Cal postponed. DPo takes the weekend off. Uninterrupted masturbation. Zeros across the board. Remain at minus 10.

You get your mail in Frown Town when your starting QB goes down. 

Coastal Carolina  hosts Georgia State and gets beat, 42 - 40. BroFro's prospects dim. A lot. 

Minus three for the free fall from #22 AP to out of the Poll and then... then? REAM! Minus 5 more. Minus 8 on the weekend. The Bro backs up to +7 on the season. Sadness reigns. 

Cincinnati dusts UCF on the road, 45 -28. He is Kitten. Hear him roar. 

1 for the win butt...fucked! AGAIN. By the AP, with a 1 point drop. So the week is a wash and on one could fault Kitty if he started to develop a persecution complex and began shopping for ghost-gun parts on-line. Stay at +23.

TAMU comes to Oxford and gets scrubbed by the Rebs 29 - 19. For Christ's sakes shave, Jimbo Fisher. Ronde' keeps his foot on the gas; 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, AP shows +2 love and the Ron adds 4 for a total of +36. Some motherfucker is looking a little untouchable. 

Wash U hosts Arizona State and loses 35 - 30. Piss-poor tackling and an untimely pick six doom the Huskies who actually looked like the better team here. Does that matter? Fuck no. The Wall of Zeroes that CCS put up this week is what matters. Stay at minus 6.

Goldie visits Iowa City and it's Iowa 27, Minnesota 22 in the Battle of Once Promising Teams. Nobody, including the AP, gives a shit about this game but DTBH logs +1 for the win. Total is +16. 

                                                       

Purdue Pete and his merry band of horn-tuggers pull into Columbus and get violated by the Buckeyes 59 - 31. I could trot out the old 'box score of the week' shit and point out how TOSU didn't even really need to suit up the punter for this one, but I won't. This was supposed to be a good game and degenerated into an embarrassing ass-kicking in the first quarter. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and 1 full of love from the AP for a 3 pointer on the weekend. Jimbo$uke at +8.

                              

Northwestern comes  to Camp Randall. Mistake! The Badgers victimize the Boys from Evanston, 35 - 7 as the Resurrection in Wisconsin rolls on. Teebs with 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and AP love of 1 more for a +3 Saturday and a total of +3. Into the Light! The Rapture. So beautiful. 

UNC  visits Pitt and gets dumped 30 -23. A season to forget for Komronovich. Zeros all the way. Stay at minus 14. I have it on good authority that the BronieBro considered betting the ranch this weekend. And he swept. What a difference that would have made. Sad. Face.

The Dawgs head to Knoxville and give up an unheard-of 17 points before skinning the Vols 42 - 17. Who isn't sick of these assholes? McLovin pockets all he can get; 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. +19 for McTurdFace. 

God Squad had a BYE.  Quiet time in the chapel. QTripleX rests at +7. 

From Black Edelweiss:

"The hours in the assembly area before an attack are among the most miserable moments in a soldier's life. The thought of one's own death cannot be chased away, nor can the nagging certainty that one's own luck cannot be permanent. This waiting, I think, is the most somber experience of being up front in a war which seems endless; sooner or later, it is bound to be my turn. Death is no shared or communal experience; it is utterly individual. In those moments one is quite alone in the middle of his comrades. No one talked, our faces were concealed in the dark; only now and then a face under the peak of a mountain cap would light up from the glow of a cigarette." 

                - Johann Voss (a pseudonym), a machine gunner in the Waffen SS, on the eve of the Battle of Reipertsweiler, Germany. January, 1945.

Week 12 up next.

'Bo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 12 Games

 

GG Week 12 Games.

Let's see what you've got.

Meechy State Spartans @ Ohio State Buckeyes. Noon. ABC.

UCLA @ USC. 4 PM. FOX.

Oregon @ Utah. 7:30 PM. ABC.

It's November. 

Roll the bones.

By the way, I consulted the Living Document for clarification on the "Bet the Ranch" gambit. I was incorrect on one thing when I mentioned it last week; If you Bet the Ranch and SWEEP not only do you get a DOUBLE DIDDLE in the BRFL but you get a DOUBLE SWEEP (10 points) in GG that week, plus you keep the GG points you wagered. 

'Bo$uke.

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 11 Results

 

GG Week 11 Results.

Finally.

Some people figure it out. 

Much hated Meechy 21, Penn State 17. Okay, the Iran-Iraq war analogy is getting old. But. Really? It was hard to root for either squad here. PSU is represented by the increasingly incompetent James Franklin. If  you saw the game you know what I mean. Sean Clifford deserves better. And Meechy? You can admire the players, and this year's squad features some truly gifted and gritty ballers (looking at you, Hassan Haskins), but then? Well. Jim Harbaugh. 

Ole Miss 29, TAMU 19. Joey Freshwater's got it goin' on in Oxford.

Wake Forest 45, North Carolina State 42. A barn burner in wherever the fuck Wake Forest plays. Winston-Salem? Guessing here. I guess it was a good game. I was passed out in front of the TV for most of it. Being a Commissioner is a heavy burden.And a penchant for substance abuse is not necessarily helpful.

BroFro. 2 to go to 21. Jimbo Fisher death threats.

McLovin. 1 to go to 16. Regression to the mean here? ToolPouch?

Teebs. 1 to go to 14. Applaud the participation here but, really, couldn't you try to do better? Please?

DTBH. 2 to go to 14. Okay. Okay. You suck, but you're improving. Keep 'chopping wood', Challenged Guy.

Fungus Ball (aka Snottie). 2 to go to 19. A field goal separates you from Glory and, instead, leaves you in 'meh' territory.

DPo. 1 to go to 22. PSU? Was this a reverse jinx call or what the fuck was this? Hello? 

SockPuppet. 2 to go to 17. You are climbing the ladder. Nothing negative. Makes me uncomfortable to say that. 

Ronde'. SWEEP! 5 to jump to 19. Did some lame Bitch get his mojo back this week?

CCS. 2 to go to 21. You are 'somebody' in GG. Not necessarily somebody I think highly of.

Bronita. SWEEP! 5 to reach 27. The undisputed leader. Separating from the mob.

QXXX. zero. None right. Reclaiming last place with 13. I have no words.

Lola. SWEEP! 5 to go to 26. Cage match with Bronita on the horizon.

Kitten. 1 to go to 17. Neither fish nor fowl. Who is this 'Kitten' of whom I speak?

On balance? This was an impressive performance by the group on three difficult picks. 

Kudos. 

Feel good about yourselves.

For about 2 seconds.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 10 Results

 

BRFL week 10 Results.

Washington goes down swinging to the Oregon Ducks. Oregon 26, Wash U 16. The Huskies O-line coach gets the boot after this one. A good weekend for SockPuppet. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and the AP gives love with a +2 bump. Subtotal +4. Grand total +21 on the season.

Iowa State fillets Texas 30 -7 at home. Bevo. It's what's for dinner. Lola claws back another point. Minus 20 the total. Season of Pain rolls on.

Utah molests Stanford 52 - 7 at The Farm. Stanford is just not very good. A win is a win and Snottie steps out of the darkness and into the light. +1 for Snottie. Here's something. I grow tired of the handle "Snottie". From now on I'm switching from Snottie to "Fungus Ball". More on that next week.

USC visits Arizona State and loses 31 -16. Maybe it was a good game. I really don't know. DPo has suffered mightily this season. Someday USC will be good again. This is not that day. Zeros across the Big Board. Total stays at minus 10. 

Coastal Carolina fucks up Georgia Southern 28 - 8 on the road but they lose their QB for the season in the process. That's not good. BroFro is crying in his beer. Worse, the AP somehow justifies a 1 point drop so the weekend is a wash. Zero. +15 the total. 

Cincinnati puts a scrappy Tulsa team away at home. Bearcats 28 - Golden Hurricanes 20. Luke Fickell's squad still undefeated, still getting dissed by every Poll in the land. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. Kitten advances to second place with +23. Quietly the Kitty is putting together a season to remember.

Ole Miss puts the wood to The Savior's Student-Athletes 27 - 14 in Oxford. The optics of this matchup said "pay-day game". I don't think that was intentional. Ronde' rewarded with 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and an incomprehensible 3 point move-up by the dope-smokin' AP for +5 on the weekend. Really? +3 for dumping the God Squad at home? Whatevs. +32 total for the lead by a whole fucking lot.

As noted, Huskies 16, Ducksies 26. CCS is sad. Another weekend full of zeros. I know, I know. You want the pain to stop, Chip. It's not going to. Minus 6 is, like,  your permanent address.

Formerly highly touted Iowa visits Northwestern and escapes Evanston with a 17 - 12 win. Kirk Ferentz continues to pocket serious cash for underperforming. You'd expect Pat Fitzgerald, woefully underpaid for doing more with less year after year, to just stalk across the field and beat the living shit out of him. DTBH paddles his slow boat to nowhere. +1 for the win. +15 the total. 

TOSU 26 over Nebraska 17 in Lincoln. Another game for TOSU where a win felt like a loss. Bucks suddenly relying on their defense (?!) to keep them in games. Running game is a dog playing dead. Bo$uke learning all about 'low ceilings'. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and a totally forgettable total of +5.

Wisco carpet-bombs Rutgers, 52 - 5 on the road. While we weren't looking Paul Chryst's Badgers somehow have been reborn into a road-grading, blood thirsty Frankenstein monster. What the fuck happened? Some bad news; Chez Melluzi done for the year. Still. This will be remembered (if only by Teeblations) as the weekend that saved the season. 1 for the win, +5 for landing at AP #20 and DIDDLE! DIDDLE! DIDDLE! +5 more for a grand total of +11. Suddenly the Teebster is at zero and about to break into the Light.

UNC wakes from the dead and lets the gas out of the Wake Forest bag, 58 -55. Never in a million years, right? This actually happened. This one earns The Commissioner's Box Score of the Week recognition. North Carolina. Left by the side of the road and given up for dead by everybody, especially me, turns in an awe-inspiring offensive performance at  home vs heavily favored Wake Forest. They run the ball like a Boss, with one RB going for 213 on 22 carries and another going for 104 on 21 totes. 330 on the ground and another 216 through the air as Sam Howell goes 16/26 with 0 INTs. 2 interceptions by the TarHeels D didn't hurt the effort. Bronita suddenly has a reason to feel less than totally worthless as a human being. 1 for the win never felt so good. Minus 14 the total. 

UGA toys with Mizzu before letting them off easy with just a 43 - 6 drubbing in Athens. Missouri. Really? You've got to be kidding. Consider rejoining the shell of the Big-12. McLovin prowls along the perimeter of BRFL relevancy with 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and a total of +17. Rape arrest hurts the Bulldog linebacking corps.

And, as previously mentioned, God Squad 14, Ole Miss 27. Way closer than I thought it would be. QTripleX stumbles along in the purgatory of a very questionable pick. +7 the total. Faith is one thing. Actually believing the bullshit is another. 

Thoughts and prayers.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 10 Results

 

GG week 10 Results.

Two weeks in a row without a sweep. 

The Commissioner came close to Betting The Ranch on this one. And he's sure glad he held off. 

The Commissioner thought ( nay, he was fairly certain ) that Kentucky would prevail at home vs. unranked Tennessee. But he overlooked one key factor; Kentucky is coached by a Stoops. And a Stoops will find a way to fuck things up. 

Sure enough, this here Stoops managed to cost his own team 15 yards, and take them out of scoring position, by following his huge gut out onto the field, all the way to the hash, just so he could scream at the ref. In vain, Stoops. In vain. 

But, as much as I will hate on them in a pathological fashion for at least a week, it's kind of nice to see Tennessee back from the dead. I particularly like their great big, baby-faced coach who looks exactly like some frat-brother who just rolled out of bed at 3:30 in the afternoon after an all night rager. 

The Aggies roll Auburn, TAMU 20, Tigers 3 in College Station.

Oklahoma State abuses West Virginia 24 - 3 on the road.

Tennessee comes to town and the Vols drop Kentucky 45 - 42 in Lexington. Fuck you, Mark Stoops.

BroFro. 2 to go to 19. Kentucky cornhole.

McLovin. 2 to go to 15. Stooped on the sweep.

Teebs. 2 to go to 13. StoopDog.

DTBH. 1 to go to 11. I smell shit.

Snottie. 1 to hit 19 total. Nailed the Tennessee game.

DPo. 2 to go to 22 and a share of the lead. Stoopified.

SockPuppet. 2 to go to 15. Also tapped the Vols.

Bo$uke. 2 to go to 20. StoopsStealsSweep.

Ronde'. 1 to hit only 14. Regression.

CCS. 2 to reach 19. Kentucky Fried.

Bronita. 2 to go to 22. Shares the top spot with the 'Po. Hating on the Bluegrass State.

QTripleX. 1. Total 13. Not as bad as Dog.

Lola. 1 to "go" to 21. Slipping a little?

Kitten. 2 to go to 17. No friend of Kentucky

Taken as a whole the group turned in a pretty shameful performance this week.

Let's move on.

Jimbo$uke,

Commissiner for Life

GG Week 11 Games

 

GG Week 11 Games.

Two weeks, no sweeps. Let's see if you turds can make it three. 

Oh, and before I forget. One of our brethren couldn't remember what "Betting the Ranch" was.

Hey, if your brain were no bigger than a doll's eye you'd have trouble remembering shit too. 

I don't know how many times I've sent you droolers copies of the Living Document. Yet, still, I would be willing to bet that only SockPuppet knows what Betting the Ranch is. Because he did it once. And got burned.

Paraphrasing the Living Document, 'cause I'm at work and don't have the Sacred Scroll handy, Betting the Ranch is something any BRFLer can do once a season. And only once. 

Basically you take half of your GG points (rounding up) and bet that you SWEEP! GG that week. If you pull it off, you get a double DIDDLE  in the BRFL that week (10 points ) plus whatever you get legit. And you get to keep your GG points plus your SWEEP! But if you don't sweep ... you forfeit all those GG points that you bet, plus you get the GRRREAM!: a minus 5 point kick right in the ass in the BRFL. And here's the deal; any points you might have picked up legitimately in the BRFL that week you forfeit. You don't get 'em.  All you get is a good minus five fucking-over that week. 

That's Betting the Ranch in broad strokes. I'll have to check the details and get back to you. 

Michigan Wolverines @ Penn State, Noon ABC

Texas A&M @ Ole Miss, 7 PM ESPN

NC State Wolf Pack @ Wake Forest, 7:30 PM ACCNetwork

Congratulations, you don't have to watch a game on FOX and listen to Gus Johnson go into full-screaming-orgasm mode every time some fucker from Nebraska gains two yards on second down. 

Roll the bones.

Jimbosuke,

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 9 Results

BRFL Week 9 Results.

This week, no fucking around. The Commissioner's life has descended into a hell-scape of extra shifts and scut-puppy chores as everybody that once thought health care was a reasonable job either quits or  has a heart attack. These are "extraordinary times", I'm told and the Commissioner has to "do more with less". 

Down and dirty, Brothers and Sisters, this is the week that was in the BRFL:

Oregon butt-rams the Buffaloes in some fucking place in Colorado 52 - 29. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and SockPuppet moves up to +17.

Iowa State bows to West Virginia U, 38 - 31, Mountaineers in Morgantown. The AP gets out the long knives. Minus 3 on the drop from AP #22 to stoogatz and then, then...the dreaded REAM! -5 more. Minus 8 on the weekend and Lola is buried deep at minus 21 total. It truly sucks to be Lola at this moment.

Utah 44 over UCLA 24 in Pasadena. What? Snottie continues to yo-yo. +1 for the win. That gets him to 0 total. Follow the light, Snottie. Step into the light. Maybe. Someday.

USC 41, Arizona 34 in wherever the hell Arizona plays. DPo claws his way to minus 10. Is it too late to salvage the season? Yes. Definitely. Way too late.

Coastal Carolina bests Troy 35 - 28. Close game. Because Coastal Carolina is not that great. Still. Here we are. BroFro picks up 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and 3 scoops of love from the AP for a +5 weekend. The Bro totals out at +15. 

Cincinnati 31 at Tulane 12. This is an ass-beat, in my book. Does the AP show love? Fuck no. Still, +1 for the win and 1 for the no drop. The Kitten climbs to +21. If I have an asshole and you have an asshole and my asshole is bigger than your asshole then I shit in your litter box. I. SHIT. in YOUR Litter box. 

Ole Miss takes the 'L' in the most beautiful village on the Plains, 31 - 20. Oh, take away the pain, Lane Kiffin's smokin' hot wife. AP puts the wood to Ronde' with a minus five tumble-stumble and the Diddler drops to +27, still in the lead.

Wash U Huskies drop the Stanford Cardinal on the road at The Farm 20 - 13 and CCS gathers 1 measley fucking point unto himself to go to minus 6. Is this something to be proud of? Look within.

Iowa. Fucking IOWA. The Teeblation Wisconsin Badgers curb-stomp Iowa 27 - 7 in Madison. Holy shit does the AP love to flex a little muscle on DogTheBountyHunter's ass and it's a shrieking, pants-pissing dive of minus 10 for the Dog and he suddenly is looking at a very pedestrian +14 total. Kirk Ferentz makes millions of dollars to pull this shit every year. Sad.

TOSU trots out some truly horrible unis and gets by Penn State 33 - 24 in the Shoe. Thank God we have a kicker. Penn State cannot run the football, which is weird. But, hey, fuck Penn State. 1 for the win but the AP hates on the Buckeyes so I get screwed out of my no drop and it's a zero wash weekend. Stay at +3. Don't say a goddamned thing to me, Bitches.

Wisconsin! Chryst is risen! Teebs is born again! 27 - 7 over the Iowa Douchemasters and Camp Randall is feared again. So sad that Teeblations gets but one little, teeny-weeny point for this upset. And moves "up" to Minus 11. 

UNC with another 'L', this time to the hated Notre Dame Domers. Come ON, Bronita. At least beat Notre Dame. Where is your mojo? Your self respect? 44 - 34 you lose to those twats and you stay at minus 15. What is wrong with you?

Yawn. Georgia absolutely flays Florida in J'ville (DUUUVAL!) 34 - 7. What to say about this? Only that McLovin picks up 2 more points and now has +15 and is definitely a player. This scumbag could take The Cheese. Again. This causes me pain.

The God Posse cock-whips UMass 62 - 17. What the hell. Does UMass just tour the country getting the shit kicked out of themselves? That can't help recruiting. QXXX picks up a point for the Lord and rests at +7. Hallelujah.

Jimbosuke,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 9 Results

 

GG Week 9 Results.

Sparty 37, scUM 33 in East Lansing. One of the best games all year. Cade McNamara plays the game of his life but the true freshman, MooU corner snuffs his candle with this ridiculous pick. Imagine. A freshman. Dude was in high school this time last year. It's the big game at home and he has the ice-water-in-his-veins nerve to bait the scUM QB into a game sealing pick with under 1:30 to play. Just some awesome shit. The Evil Wolverine Conspiracy led this game by 16(!) in the third quarter. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Guess I'll just one-hand this one.

Baylor 31, Texas Longhorns 24, another wild one in  Waco. You numb-skulls that picked Texas; did you know that the Texas special teams coach ditched his wife and kids to move in with a stripper (endowed with massive buttocks) named "Pole Assassin" and her pet monkey? 

Auburn 31, Ole Miss 20, Plainsmen down the Rebs. Nothing to see here, folks. Except Ronde' taking it in the shorts. WAR EAGLE! 

Let's move on.

BroFro. +2 to go to 17. Not too shabby. 

McLovin. Who the fuck is this asshole? 2 to go to 13.

Teebs. The worm is slowly turning for Wisconsin but you still suck ass at GG. 1 to go to 11. God.

DTBH. You are an overrated Tool. 2 to go to 11.

Snottie. Showing me some shit. 2 to go to 18. Still dislike you.

DPo. Double up on the pain, Bitch. 1 to go to 20. Not hard to pick against the Therapy Monkey.

SockPuppet. This play, during which the Commissioner cast aspersions upon SockPuppet/PuppetMaster, was also called down from the booth and reviewed. The ruling on the play is that SockPuppet did indeed enter picks for Week 9, at 10:53 AM, pulling basically the same shit, as QTripleX. The Commissioner, whose responsibility it is to be on the look-out for just such last-minute-pick-bullshit, fucked up and didn't check the blog. The blog doesn't lie. All SockPuppet's picks were wrong. But that doesn't change the fact that he participated. Which is a Blessed and Holy thing. 0 for you. Stay at 13.

'BoSuke. 2 to go to 18. God saw me pick evil scUM and was angered. 

Ronde'. How the Mighty have fallen.  1 to go to 13. Ole Miss?! Head injury much?

CCS. 2 to go to 17. Again, you need these points, ToolSack.

KBronieBoy. 2 to go to 20. Sausage tug with your homie DPo for all I care. Go ahead.

QXXX. After further review, QTripleX did blog her picks in at 11:01. Teasing the Commissioner with an eleventh hour pick is a bullshit move but totally legit. QXXX got 2. She got tripped up by the fat-assed pole dancer and her child mauling monkey. You have 12, TripleXQ.  

Lola. 2 to go to 20. What the fuck were you thinking with the Ole Miss pick? "Intellectually challenged" is a nice way to put it. Sad, sad face.

Kitten. Wow. 1 to go to 15. Mediocrity is your mission statement.

Overall, a really disappointing performance all around.

Better luck next week.

Jimbosuke

Commissioner for Life