GG Week 2 Results

 

"Do I cut the red wire? The green?"

Well, that week Sure didn't work out so great. 

Oklahoma 10, Michigan 17 in Ann Arbor. Hail to the Victors yo. The problem with a sample size of one is that it doesn't really tell you anything. Oklahoma beats up on some tomato can Week One (in this case UTEP) and they're instantly play-off material. Michigan wins ugly against a surprisingly good Western Michigan team and they suck. Until they don't. Not one of us picked Michigan, at home, over the Sooners. We are all so, so stupid. 

Cal Berkely 21, Syracuse 18 in the Dome. Paul Angeli, the Orange QB, throws for 307 yards. Not bad, you say. Except that it took him 50 throws to do it, including three interceptions to the same fucking guy, one of which was returned for 6. 
The struggle is real. 

Ohio State 23, Texas 24 in Memorial Stadium. Six of you picked Texas. Blessedly, I was asleep for the whole thing. It took until Wednesday for me to find the guts to watch it. It was not a positive experience. The only good thing about it was that I accidentally recorded it with a couple of Mexicans calling the game instead of Herbie and Fowler. That part was funny. 

Scores:

Q: 2 to make 7 total.

Chiba: 1 to make 6.

DTBH: GUTTERBALL. Total 5.

Lola : GUTTERBALL. Total 2. Not great.

Ronde': 1. Total is 2. Also not great. 

DPo: 1 to total out at 6.

Sock: GUTTERBALL. Total 2. "Billy", what's your deal?

Special K: 2. Adds up to 4.

$$uke: GUTTERBALL. Total 2. No bueno. 

Psycho: 1. Has 3 total.

Teebs: 2 to make 3.

McLovin: 1 to  make 3.

Big Dom: 1 to make 3. Unusually bad.

BreauxFreaux: 1 to make 6. Big fucking deal. 

Onward.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Three Games

FRIDAY NIGHT:

#22 Houston Cougars at #13 Texas Tech Raiders, interstate hate, Q vs Psycho, 8 PM, FOX. 

SATURDAY:

#16 Southern Methodist U (SMU) Mustangs at #23 Louisville Cardinals, CJK5H, 3:30 ESPN2.

#7 LSU Tigers at #8 Ole Miss Rebs, regrettably, a full length movie about Lane Kiffin, 7:30, abc.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Results, Week One

Charlie Cardinal doesn't give a fuck. 

Apropos of nothing but here's an Instagram clip from some guy in his basement, smoking meth out of a six foot bong, and watching the Indiana game. (Sign in to X to hear the audio. It's worth it.)

Okay, that's not really Charlie Cardinal (above), the Louisville Mascot, but it's close. And, apparently, Lincoln Keinholz had some kind of gash behind his ear, in the second half, that was leaking blood down his jaw. So he's a hemophiliac quarterback too, I guess.

This was, I presume, the REAL Lincoln Keinholz, who went off like a cruise missile to Moscow in the last two quarters against Ole Miss Sunday night. Not deep-fake Lincoln Keinholz, who kind of played like he'd never thrown a football before, in the first two stanzas. 

Louisville 38, Ole Miss 41 in Nashville. A real sweep maker for a few of you sons-of-bitches. 

Which brings us to ... what the fuck, Cal? All I've been hearing is how Cal is really coming on. As a program. In a good way. Not in a punching bag way. Which is what they were, at home,  for the UCLA Bruins, on Saturday night. I guess there's something going on at UCLA, too. Or am I just a dumb-ass who sucks at GG?

UCLA 45, Cal 24. Bitterly disappointed in Berkeley.

Let's put this week's Pig to bed with the truck-drag in Baton Rouge. Lane Kiffin is a fucking jerk. This we know. But, Dabo, Dabo, DABO. I'm shakin' my head. There are a lot of reasons that Clemson stinks like dog poop right now; Brett Venables is at Oklahoma. Paying college players to play for your team is now okay. Dabo refuses to go all-in on the Portal  and can't match the NIL money that others offer. Whatever. Just, ya' know, Dabo is looking like he's toast after this season. If he makes it through this season. Clemson still has to play Miami, Virginia Tech and the South Carolina Gamecocks. Ow.

Clemson 10, LSU 51. I don't know what drugs Lane Kiffin is taking but they're working. For now. 

Scores: 

Q: SWEEP! 5

ChibaChews: SWEEP! 5

DogTheBountyHunter: SWEEP! 5

Lola: 2

Ronde': 1

DPo: SWEEP! 5

SockPuppet: 2

Special K: 2

$$uke: 2

Psycho: 2

Teeblations: 2

McLovin: 2

Big Dom: 2

BroFro: SWEEP! 5.

That'll do it for Week 1. 5 SWEEPERS out front. 

GG Week Two Games

All Saturday games:

#11 Oklahoma at unranked Michigan Wolverines, in Ann Arbor, Noon, FOX.

Cal Golden Bears at Syracuse, in the Dome, 3:30, ACCNetwork.

#1 Ohio State at #4 Texas Longhorns, Memorial Stadium in Austin, Texas, 7:30, abc.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week One

Get out the way, here come that Gridiron Guru thang.

GG Week One:

Saturday night. 7:30 unranked Clemson Tigers at #11 LSU Tigers. abc. In Baton Rouge.

Saturday night. 10:30. UCLA Bruins at Cal Golden Bears. ESPN. Berkeley, California.

Sunday night. 7:30. #24 Louisville Cardinals at #9 Ole Miss Rebels. abc. Nashville, Tennessee. 

1 for each win, 5 for the sweep. 

Roll the bones, People. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Season Nineteen Opener

 And we're underway!

Games start next Saturday, August 29th. Yes, thanks to a hyper-motivated BRFL membership we are way ahead of schedule. 

Looking back at the picks, I don't see one that is purely ass. It's unfortunate that, again this year, $$uke's pick seems like maybe the most shaky of them all. This causes me pain. 

We also have three contestants who, if their teams catch fire and win playoff games, could lead to The League conducting its first test drive of The Multiplier. 

You've forgotten what that is. 

In a nutshell, an unranked team that makes the playoff and wins games gets a shit-ton of points. 

Also, betting the ranch and losing is slightly less catastrophic than when $$uke did it, and tanked his season, last year. Check your rule books, that you didn't print out when I sent them to you, for details.

Let's roll. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Season Nineteen Draft

 Draft Days are here.

Draft order 2026:

1. $$uke: AP #14 USC Trojans

2. Timmy! AP #18 Penn State Nittany Lions. 

3. Psycho: AP #12 Texas Tech Red Raiders. 

4. DogTheBountyHunter: AP #14 BYU Cougars. 

5. SpecialK (formerly KBronie):UNRANKED Florida Gators. Starts at plus 3. Homer.

6. ChibaChews: AP #7 Miami Hurricanes. Starts at minus 4. 

7. DPo: AP #19 SMU Mustangs. CJK5H. 

8. Ronde': UNRANKED Boise State Broncos. Starts at plus 3. 

9. McLovin: AP #21 Utah Utes.

10. BreauxFreaux: UNRANKED Navy Midshipmen. Starts at plus 3. Service Academy gambit.

11. Lola: AP #11 LSU Tigers. Pick sent from the Swiss Alps, which is a new one. 

12. SockPuppet: UNRANKED Clemson Tigers. Start at +3. 

13. Big Dom: AP #4 Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Starts at minus 7. Thoughts, Teebs?

14. Q: AP #23 Houston Cougars. Cougars last year, Cougars this year. Defending the Title.

So let it be written.

So let it be done. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Draft Days

 It's happening. 

Focus on your breathing. 

Breathe deeply. Slowly. 

Imagine a peaceful meadow. Wrens and songbirds. Butterflies. Daffodils. 

And then imagine picking your team for BRFL 2026, Season Nineteen. 

Here are some comforting thoughts for you, Gambler. 

You haven't done really any research on college football Div 1 teams but that's okay because it probably wouldn't have helped. Of what value is research in the NIL/portal/seven year eligibility era? 

Not much.

A team's schedule may look easy but is it? Teams that you think suck (because they have traditionally sucked) might be this year's Indiana. So like fuck the schedule. It is an illusion. 

Was this team's pass rush fearsome last year? Those guys are probably gone. And they've been replaced with portal guys you never heard of, from Kennesaw State and Troy. Are they good? Well, yeah. At Kennesaw State they were awesome.

This team's coach got fired and the new coach has never been a head coach, but still. The team is loaded. The QB is a stud. Everybody says the new coach has his act together but ... does he really?

This is the kind of daunting bullshit that we, as BRFLers, face in the modern era. 

Nobody in their right mind follows recruiting anymore but it's still kind of cute watching a teenager put a hat on while his mom pees her pants over that NIL payday. Everybody knows that hat is likely to change two or three or five times over the next few years but it makes for good social media. 

If you are all-in on a new coach are you sure he will make it through the whole season? 

No DUI? No sex scandal? No high-profile dismissal for sucking so badly that the program is willing to throw a bag at him just to stop coaching the team? 

Shit happens. 

And the Stars. Those players banking a huge roll at 19 years old. They're also (probably) rolling up Baby-moms and fat splifs and tricked out, lifted F-150s with blacked out windows and bull-bars so that, when they butt-chug ten shots of tequila and take a wrong turn, into a severe autism/polio camp playground, they're sure to do as much damage as possible. Two  game suspension? Three?

So you can hear what I'm saying. Research? You're kidding yourself. It's a crap shoot. That's why it's called gambling. That's why it can be a problem. Because of your infinite capacity for self-delusion and misplaced confidence. 

You're nothing. You're nobody. You're probably going to get reamed again and again and finish dead last (like I just did) and that's okay. It's just a silly game. It's only money. 

The AP Poll comes out tomorrow at noon. Be talking to you. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Seven Win Steve

 The Agony of Steve Sarkisian. 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Steve Sarkisian.

He grew up around Torrance, California and he was a darn good baseball and football player. He bumped around playing USC and JUCO baseball (USC, JUCO - samesies) until someone convinced him to play JUCO football at El Camino Jr College, where he showed real promise and eventually transferred to BYU. He had a brief but outstanding career there in the mid-1990s. BYU won the WAC. He was offensive player of the year in 1996. Did a couple years in the CFL as the QB for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. 

Then came coaching. 

Sark has been around. I won't say 'journeyman' but I'm thinking it.

First up, back to El Camino as the QB coach. Then a brief stint at USC (QBs) and then the NFL. OC for the Oakland Raiders  and then, after a winless PAC-12 campaign in 2007, the University of Washington named him the new head man. 

There were problems at UW. He couldn't win more than seven games a season (hence "Seven Win Steve") aaaaannnnnd he started drinkin'. There are stories about Steve showing up at practice with a few drinks under his belt. Stories about Steve being liquored up on the sidelines during games. 

Not judging. A lot of pressure. 

I've been known to drink too much, just like Steve. 

By the way, Steve-o is wound pretty tight. And, oh yeah, he doesn't like being touched. 

Got married. Had kids. Got divorced. Moved on to a stint as Head Coach at USC in 2013 and that's when the wheels came off. 

At the annual big donor event at USC (the 'Salute to Troy') Coach Sark got so fuckig cocked that he couldn't finish his closing speech. Not that he didn't try. Dropping F-bombs and slurring and just generally cussing and throwing the deuces and being 'the hammered guy' at this big, crucial fundraiser. In between he worked the crowd, slurping up cocktails and tellin' dildo jokes (of course). 

The boosters were not happy. Pat Haden, notorious douche and USC Athletic Director at the time,  pinned a 'zero tolerance' policy on Steve-o. As in, "no more getting blotto on company time or you're done." 

Which I guess went okay. Until Steve showed up at practice completely lit and got sent home by the assistant coaches. Apparently not the first time he came to practice with a bag on. But it was the last time, 'cause Pat Haden put him on indefinite leave of absence and then fired him a few days later. 

Oh well. Shit happens. Rehab, or whatever, was next and then Nick Saban picked him up as an 'analyst' (because that's what Nick Saban did back then) in 2016. 

Back to the pros (Atlanta) the next year. 

Back to Alabama as the QBs coach the year after that. 

Got married again.

This is Steve's second wife. Warning: some people may find these pictures disturbing. 

Hey, I'd drink too.

And then  ... and then. 

The University of Texas at Austin came a knockin' in 2021.

I guess he wanted to put the whole rehab/sobriety thing to the test because, if USC and the University of Washington turned him into a gin-soaked, cussin' dildo-joker,  imagine what the pressure at Texas could do. If it wasn't for rehab that is. 

Texas? Those god damn people are crazy. Football is religion down there. They make Alabama look like dabblers. 

Steve-o to the rescue. 

2021: 5 wins, 7 L's 

2022: 8 and 5

2023: 12 - 2, won the Big 12 (yes, Texas was still in the Big 12 then).

2024:  13 - 3, but you're in the SEC now so fuck you, you lost 3 games.

2025: 10 - 3, fuck you again.

Translation: Sark hasn't exactly set the Lone Star State on fire. 

And now there's this year's schedule.

vs Texas State (probably a top 5 offense, again)

vs Ohio State

vs UTSanAntonio

@ Tennessee (uh-oh)

@ Oklahoma (um...)

vs Florida

vs Ole Miss (caution flag) 

vs Missippi State

@ Missouri

@ LSU (oh my god)

vs Arkansas

@ Texas A&M

So, basically, Steve-o delivers the goods to the burnt orange alumni fanbase this year or he leaves Texas "to explore new opportunites". Like NFL opportunities. 

The mountain is high, Amigos.

31 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego the Homeless

 Well, that didn't take long.

The Baltimore Ravens have waived rookie QB Diego Pavia. 

Yes, the Ravens have cut the ex-Vandy signal caller and 2025 Heisman runner-up. The fact that he was apparently let go to make room for a free agent center, Ethan Pocic, has got to hurt those in the Pavia camp. DogTheBountyHunter knows the value of the Center position, as should we all. So, no big deal is what I'm thinking and, uncharacteristically, the Ravens have done the right thing. 

 Whither now, Don Diego?

The Pavester has already considered this eventuality and referenced, specifically, this particular case:

Can you say "Cole Hutson"?

Hook 'em

Mr. Hutson, a four year veteran University of Texas offensive lineman, went undrafted this April.

He then participated in Cleveland Browns and Dallas Cowboys NFL rookie camps. 

Still no takers.

Now he has secured a favorable ruling from a judge in Travis County, Texas (which is where the University of Texas is located) challenging the NCAA's new eligibility rules, under which Cole Hutson would not be eligible to play any more college ball. This judge has granted Cole a 'temporary restraining order' (from the NCAA rules) and could pave the way for a fifth year of eligibility. He is now free to practice with UTexas who, understandably, would love to have him back for the season. 

A hearing to possibly grant Cole Hutson an injunction that would give him that fifth year is scheduled for August 3.

Is there any doubt that Mr. Pavia has dusted off his "seventh year of eligibility" playbook?

Oh. Hell yeah.

35 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego Pavia: Fraud or Fabulous?

 Don Diego.

Diego Pavia is 5'10". He's an American, not a Mexican. He's from Albuquerque, NM. He's a 24 yr old undrafted free agent QB for the Baltimore Ravens (a lot like Craig James was an undrafted free agent). 

CJK5H.

Diego sued the NCAA over the NCAA's counting of JUCO years against Div I eligibility, saying it violated federal antitrust law, etc. He won. He got a sixth season in 2025.

He considered suing the NCAA for a seventh year of eligibility until he was signed by the Ravens at a significant pay cut from what he was getting from Vanderbilt. 

He got his start at the New Mexico Military Institute, a Junior College modeled after a Mexican super-max prison.

 

Hagerman Barracks, NMMI

He played 2 years at NMMI. He led the Broncos to the National Junior college championship against Iowa Western. New Mexico State U HC, Jerry Kill, and Tim Beck (a QB coach at NMState) were down to wherever they play the NJCChampionsip game recruiting a guy named Nate Glantz, the Iowa Western QB. They were, legend has it, watching the game on a TV, in a local Hooters restaurant and titty bar, when Pavia lit up Iowa Western for a 31 - 13 drubbing and a JUCO national championship. At which point Kill and Beck dumped Gantz and recruited Pavia to NMState U, in Div I, where he played the next two years before tranferring to Vanderbilt and the SEC. He made a pretty big splash there. For two more years. Impressive stats. Upsets. Highlight reels. Heisman finalist. Finished, I don't know, not first, okay? 

"Fuck the (Heisman) voters!" (or something) was all he had to say. Which was kind of enough.

Went undrafted in April.

"Fuck the NFL!" (or something to that effect). "Gonna' sue the NCAA for a seventh year and get to know my grandkids. Adelante!"

But then, yes, the Ravens came through. Not a big surprise.

You can murder people and play for the Ravens (looking at you, Ray-ray).

So, I ask you. 

Is Diego Pavia going to suck and disappear or is he going to make Hagerman Barracks and the New Mexico Military Institue proud?

36 more days. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

 

The Death Penalty

 What do you think it would take for the NCAA to drop the Death Penalty on a program now? 

I can't think of anything, really. What SMU did, back in the late 70's and the 80's was to basically just pay guys, cash under the table, to go to SMU. A vast network of wealthy donors created a very large slush fund and either directly payed players or funneled the money to their families. 

SMU is  just 5 miles north of Dallas. The campus is 234 beautiful acres. I have a cousin who went there. This guy is a Pig. And I mean that as a compliment. I mean, he never killed anyone (that I know of) and he never did time, but he is a depraved individual. 
McLovin, you know what I'm talking about. 

Anyway.

SMU did this shit for years. Even when they had been caught and were on probation, they just kept doing it. 

But they also kicked ass. They had some great running backs. Eric Dickerson. Craig James.

(CJK5H).

Officially they dubbed the team 'The Pony Express' and they ran roughshod over everybody in the now defunct Southwest Conference. But, on the down low, everybody really called SMU 'The Pony Excess'.

And by 1987, the NCAA had had enough. They dropped the hammer. 

The NCAA cancelled SMU's 1987 season. They couldn't even have a scrimmage.

They stripped them of just about all athletic scholarships.

SMU had their probation extended to 1990.  

Once the suspension was up they still weren't allowed to have their games broadcast on TV. 

It was a knock out blow. For the next 20 years they won exactly one game. They couldn't recruit anybody. They tried but ... really? No. The Southwest Conference folded. 

And now? All that stuff that SMU did is okay. It's not a slush fund. It's NIL money and revenue sharing . It's not a vast network of wealthy donors. It's a vast network of wealthy donors. 

SMU still has the scars.

 ForEVER, the SMU Mustangs battle cry was "Pony up!". You could see how that is kind of an unfortunate phrase for SMU to rally behind. 

They still have a Shetland Pony named Peruna as their mascot. That may never change. 

But now the battle cry is something lame like, "GO Mustangs". 

Wow. 

Inspiring. 

There have been two other programs that got Death Penaltied. The U of Kentucky in the 50's (basketball) and some program in south Louisiana. I'm sure they deserved it. 

Again though. NOW? It would have to be some sort of monstrous gambling scam or a Ponzi scheme run out of the administration building or something involving dozens and dozens of dead babies, I don't know. Something like enriching uranium and selling it to Mexicans or hacking JP Morgan executive accounts to generate NIL money. Or, like, hiring Brian Kelly. 

Something really reprehensible and beyond the pale. 

I don't think the Death Penalty will happen again in my lifetime. 

Rest easy, BRFLers.

38 days 'til kickoff.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life 

Fat Warde Manuel

 

The scandal-plagued University of Michigan finally decides to part ways with morbidly obese AD Warde Manuel.

Less than twenty four hours after calling Big Warde 'the best Athletic Director in the United States of America' Michigan President, and reputed Lucchese Family crime boss, Domenico Grasso, suddenly "identifies failures" and tosses Manuel's enormous ass under a passing bus. 

El Gordo sleeps with the fishes. 

Why now, Domenico, you ask. 

Great question.

This guy, Sherrone Moore put the U of M Board over the top (Coach Moore shown here with his special-needs, very white, Viking girlfriend and 90K a year 'assistant'). Moore's arrest, after a melt down and home invasion of his Nordic slam-piece's apartment (during which he threatened to kill himself with a butter knife), was hard to ignore. 

An lo it was that, in the year of our Lord 2026, the scumbag, ambulance-chasing law firm, Jenner & Block, was retained for a puny eleven million dollars, to conduct an internal review of the culture of Flabby Warde's Athletic Department.  

 "The culture review found that weaknesses in accountability, organizational structure, oversight and reporting created conditions in which misconduct was not always addressed consistently, promptly, or in accordance with University expectations."

Bad look, Fat Bastard.  

 “I am happy President Grasso asked me to stay on to work with him to implement the recommendations for continuous improvement. I promise everyone I will have more to say about my decision at the appropriate time.”

Said Super-sized Manuel, who will be stepping down at the end of the calendar year, as he dipped a Chimichanga the size of a 3 month old baby into a spackle bucket full of torta ahogada.  

Bon appetite, Big Man. 

Whoever takes over for Warde will have a helluva pair of pants to fill. 

All wise-assing aside, this is a sad day for Michigan haters. Think about it. With this douche at the helm of the athletic department, Big Blue has won a National Championship in football and basketball in the span of just three years. I mean, what else is there?

Just think what they can do when they get an AD who has his shit together.

Sigh.

39 days until kickoff. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Countdown to Season 19.

 It's July 19th and football season seems a long ways away. 

At least we have the WNBA.

Does anybody really know how many seasons the BRFL has been running? 

I think Clem and $$uke the Mindless schemed it up in 2006. I could be wrong. That would make this year season twenty but we took the first year of Covid off. I think that was 2020. Hard to say. 

Those were special times.

Whatever. The hell with it. I'm calling this Season Nineteen. 

There are a bunch of games 8/29 that all suck, but some of them feature teams that  might get picked in the draft, so we'll call August 29th the start of the season. 

Which means it's 40 days until kick-off.

Count 'em down with me, Lance Herbstrong, and your most bitchin' blog, as we gird our loins for another go 'round with the Blacks Road Football League. 💔

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Season 18: The Final Reward

BRFL Shaming 2025.

Winners:

Q. $448. BYU. El Supremo 2025. Congratulations. We hate you.

Big Dom. $420. Utah Utes.

Sock Puppet. $350. Texas A&M.

Lola. $182. Oregon Ducks.

BreauxFreaux. $70. Memphis Tigers.

McLovin. $70. Alabama.

Losers:

Ronde'.  -$14. Tennessee. 

DPo. -$98. Nebraska.

Chiba Chews.-$98. Boise State.

KBrony. -$196. SMU.

DTBH. -$196. Iowa State.

Psycho. -$210. Illinois.

Timmy! -$280. LSU.

$$uke. -$448. Arizona State. Lots of Americans work two jobs. Why not $$uke?

$$uke the Mindless wanders, lost in the desert, nursing his psychic pain, clinging to the hope that the #1 pick in the 2026 draft will be his ticket to redemption. Let's all pray really hard that $$uke doesn't mess up that pick.

Here at BRFL World Headquarters we are batting around September dates for the long-neglected BRFL Big Fun Jamboree. Feel free to throw dates out there, or clue in the front office as to what dates absolutely won't play. 

No rule changes this year. Also, Big Dom noted that there are about 15 different versions of The Living Document swirling around out there, in cyberspace. Your  Commissioner will endeavor to clean that shit up and send you the Offically Official Rules for the BRFL.

BRFL Shaming 2026.xlsx  This link gives you the scores if you want to check them, Weirdos.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life