Commissionerly Comments Week 6

 

USC. Why the hate, AP? Fight on. $$uke living on the edge. Constant penalties are disturbing.

Penn State. Matt Campbell's Psychiatrist is getting rich. Timmy! hung out to dry by the Amish.

TTech. BYE week and nobody noticed. Punk-ass, cake schedule. Pucker on the 'Pokes in Stillwater?

BYU. Coogs let the gas out of Iowa State's bag. Samoans thrive on Mormon meat. I guess. 

Florida. BRFL epic rise and fall, and we're only six weeks in. Get your shit together, SpecialK.

Miami. BYE week. Castro-hating scumbags living in their own filth.

SMU. Ponies idle with the BYE week. Kevin Jennings practicing throwing interceptions. 

Boise State. The fucking Broncos are for real. Stomp the shit out of a good Fresno State team. Sad.

Utah. Nasty molestation of Kansas. Latter Day Saints blood lust operating on crucify mode. Hating.

Navy. Midshipmen dump Tulsa. Despite being a team that sucks, they are not in last place. Puzzling.

LSU. Now we really find out if Lane Kiffin is committed to sobriety. Don't unpack the boxes, Lane.

Clemson. Had a BYE. A week off for Dilbo to try to pull a rabbit out of a hat and save the season.

Notre Dame. What? The all-green unis just to beat the brakes off Stanford? Stanford is, well, shitty. 

Houston. A drubbing of Kansas State on the road. Oklahoma State next, then Utah on the road. Boone Pickens Stadium sphincter-squeezer.

I think some of the game scores on the spread sheet were fucked up.

So? That's not a huge deal. The BRFL scores were right.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

 

GG Week Seven Games

 

#4 Ohio State at #5 Indiana, noon, FOX, in Memorial Stadium, Bloomington, Indiana.

#13 Missouri at #9 Ole Miss, 3:30, SEC Network,Vaught-Hemingway Stadium, Oxford, Mississippi.

#2 Notre Dame at #8 BYU, abc, LaVell Edwards Stadium, Provo, Utah. 

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Six Results

 Wake Forest 38, North Carolina State 14. The Wolf Pack, playing at home, heads to the locker room up 14 - 10 at intermission. It was a good game. The crowd was happy. But Wake Forest received the kick off to start the second half. Uh-oh. The Deacs hung 28 unanswered points on NC State in the second half, 21 of them in the third quarter. The crowd was sad. 

Gio Lopez (?) goes 26/33 for 303 yds and 3 TDs through the air for Wake Forest. Thank God this game wasn't on FOX or you would have had to put up with Gus Johnson making smart-ass word-play, out of Gio Lopez's first name, all god damned afternoon. 

USC Trojans 31, Penn State 23. 114,419 fans in Beaver Stadium at full 'White Out', 11/10 intensity. This is the kind  of game USC loses. Except that there is a full-on football talent Arms Race going on in Los Angeles these days. Two out of the three Trojans pictured above, including the flying one with the football, are freshman, and the other one is a sophomore. 

Penn State was set to receive the kick off after tying it up just before the half. Surely the Southern Cal defense would flame out, like they usually do. 

Not so fast, My Friend. PSU could only manage two FGs in the second half against the Men of Troy, and Lincoln Riley got the statement road win he had to have.

Georgia 20, Alabama 17. Kalen DeBoer loses his shit (twice!), that's how important this game was. Maybe the best two teams in the country right now. How good is Georgia? They won in Tuscaloosa without their #1 and #2 running backs. The number three man picked up 120 on 17 totes. Gunner Stockton is not great, but he's good enough. 

And lets give a round of applause to Tate Sandell, the Oklahoma kicker. You can wear a comically over-sized helmet and Daisy Dukes, and any other fucking thing you want, if you can drill a 47 yard walk-off field goal, for the win, over #1 Texas in the Red River Rivalry. 

Scores:

Q: GUTTERBALL. 0, Total 13. And you were doing so well. 

Chiba: SWEEP! 5, Add to your 10, total 15. A breakthrough? Maybe yes, maybe no.

DTBH: 2 and your 14 moves you up to 16, three way sausage knot at the top of the heap. 

Lola: SWEEP! 5 and your 7 moves you up to 12.

Ronde': 2, add to your 5 makes 7. So, so bad.

DPo: 2 and your 14 and you have 16.

SockPuppet: SWEEP! 5, redemption after all your suffering. Add to 7 brings you to 12.

Special Ed: 2 added to your 7 is 9. Just, like, not your weekend at all.

$$ucky: SWEEP! 5 to the 11 to the 16. Even a broken watch is right twice a day.

Psycho: Only 1 and that gives you a total of 8. Those are Ronde' numbers, pal.

Teeblations: Just the 1. To add to your 9 and make 10. A glimmer of hope in a season of pain.

McLovin: 2 and your 9 makes 11. One sweep away from stardom.

Big Dom: 2 and your 8, 10, finally, double figures. Hard to care when you're rollin' with Notre Dame

BroFro: 1. Massive betrayal by Penn State is how I see it. You now have 12.

Week 7 comin' up.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 5 Results

 

Penn State 13, Northwestern 34. When your team runs for 48 yards and the other team runs for 413 (including two different guys gaining over 150), you are in trouble. Maybe your QB, named Rocco, can make up for it by chucking the ball for 243. But not if he throws 2 INTs. Foot meets ass. Penn State takes a beatin' in Evanston. Matt Campbell is in over his head. 

Alabama 56, Mississippi State 23. The cowbell jokes are everywhere as Mississippi State takes the 'L' at home. The Tide lays a whuppin' on the Bulldogs and what th hell else did you really expect? Three people picked MSU. It cost McLovin a sweep. GG is not a friendly game.

Navy 9, Air Force 14. Two Service Academies slug it out in Colorado and BreauxFreaux's season is on life support. I get it. Navy was good last year. Maybe they will be good again. That's for others to say. All I know is that it could get worse for the Bro. 

Scores:

Q: Adds 1 to total 13.

ChibaChews: +2 for 10 total. Not too shabby.

DogTheBountyHunter: plus 2 for a share of the lead at 14.

Lola: Adds 2 to make 7.

Ronde': 1. Now you have 5. This is like getting molested at summer camp. I guess. 

DPo: SWEEP! The 'Po is the only sweeper. That sucks. 5 to share the lead at 14.

SockPuppet: Add 2 to total 7.

SpecialK.: 2 to make 7.

$$uke: Had 9, got 2, total 11.

Psycho: 1. Not great. Total 7. Your picking blows.

Timmy!: add 2 to reach 9. A bad, bad weekend for you. 

McLovin: 2 + 7 = 9. So close but ... MSU? I'm getting DNA testing. Nothing personal. 

Big Dom: had 6, added 2, has 8. Oddly shitty year for Big Dom.

BreauxFreaux: 1. Despair. Total 11. Still in the hunt but wishing this weekend hadn't happened. 

We're moving on.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Six Games

 All Saturday games:

Wake Forest Demon Deacons at North Carolina State, Raleigh, NC, Noon, ESPN.

#2 Georgia at #6 Alabama, Tuscaloosa, AL, 7:30, abc.

#19 USC Trojans at Penn State, University Park, PA, 7:30, NBC.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Five Games

FRIDAY NIGHT GAME, 10/2.

 Penn State at Northwestern, Evanston, Illinois, 8 PM FOX

SATURDAY GAMES, 10/3.

#7 Alabama at #16 Mississippi, Starkville, Mississippi, Noon, ABC

Navy at Air Force, USAF Academy Colorado, Noon, ABC

Roll the bones yo. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Four Results

 

A busy weekend. Two Sweepers.

Texas 20 at Tennessee 17. This one was a banger. Colin Simmons with 5 sacks on the Tennessee QB and his usual handful of unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Stay classy, Collin. There was also this kind of odd touchdown celebration. It's a Texas thing, I guess.

Iowa 20 at Michigan 17. I've been pretty tough on Kurt Ferentz over the years, but this was a masterful comeback, including this epic toss with the last two seconds ticking off. Q and DogTheBountyHunter set up their sweep.

Oregon 41 at USC 27. Dante Moore is carted off after surviving a cheap-ass assasination attempt plus an on-field riot, and then this fucker (above), Dylan Raiola, and a riled up Oregon squad, beat the living shit out of the Troymen in Los Angeles. Defense is still not a "thing" for the Trojans. 

Scores:

Q: SWEEP! 5 to go to 12. The top spot. Q is lovin' her some Iowa. 

ChibaChews: 1  to get 8. Frustration setting in.

DTBH: SWEEP! 5 to go to 12. I object to this whole 'Iowa' thing.

Lola: 1 to make 5. Not exactly burnin' it up.

Ronde': 1 to get a total of 4. Good Lord.

DPo: 1 for 9 total.

Sock: Got 2. Total 5. Just, well, kinda' bad.

SpecialK: GUTTERBALL. 0 for a total of 5. Does not care one bit. SpecialEd has Florida.

$$uke: 2 to make 9. Intensely disappointing weekend.

Psycho: 1 for a total of 6. Didn't you suck at this last year, too?

Teebs: 2. Add to 5 for 7.

McLovin: 2. Samesies. 7.

BigDom: 1 for a total of 6. Kind of sucking.

BreauxFreaux. 2 to make 10 and, as I've said before, watch out for this douche. 

Until next week,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Four

All Saturday games:

#1 Texas Longhorns at #14 Tennessee Vols, Neyland Stadium, noon, abc.

#17 Iowa at #18 Michigan, Michigan Stadium, 3:30, CBS.

#20 Oregon Ducks at #12 USC Trojans, L.A. Memorial Coliseum, 7:30, NBC.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Three Results

 

Texas Tech 28, Houston 26. A barn-burner in Lubbock. Houston comes within a hair of taking it to OT on the 2 point conversion attempt. Alas, no. Stoned at the 1 millimeter line. A lot of soiled football pants for Tech. Hankies and sponges for the Houston Cougars. Both teams looked good but now TTech owns the head to head. 

Louisville 41, SMU 31. This was a humdinger in Louisville, KY. Both squads ripped off filthy long runs from scrimmage; Kendrick Rafael for the Ponies and Keyjuan Brown (above) and Isaac Brown for the Cards. Lincoln Keinholz balls out (again) and you wonder if maybe Ohio State let one get away. Kevin Jennings returns to turn-over machine mode with two INTs and a fumble just before crossing the plane. 

Ole Miss 32, LSU 24. Ole Miss rolls out the Welcome Mat for Lane Kiffin, and the Rebs dump the Bayou Bengals in Oxford. Haven't seen the game. A lot of drama. Rebs thanking God for that Trinidad Chambliss 10th year of eligibility ruling. At 24 yrs old, he's just getting started. SEC is a dog-fight from here on out. 

Scores.

Q: GUTTERBALL. How brief the glory. 7.

Chiba: 1 to make 7.

DogTBH: 2 to reach 7. 

Lola: 2 and 2 is 4 total.

Ronde': 2 to make 3. Floundering.

DPo: picks up 2 to go to 8.

SockPuppet: 2 to make 3. Just, you know, not a great start.

SpecialK: 1 to make 5. Barely notices due to 24 hour erection after watching the Florida game.

$$uke: SWEEP! 5 to make 7 and this fucker is right back in it. 

Psycho: 2 adds to his 3 for total 5.

Teebs: 2 to make 5.

McLovin: 2 to equal 5 total.

Big Dom: 2 to join the SausageFest at 5.

Breaux Freaux: 2 to tie for first with 8.

We're movin' on.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

 

GG Week 2 Results

 

"Do I cut the red wire? The green?"

Well, that week Sure didn't work out so great. 

Oklahoma 10, Michigan 17 in Ann Arbor. Hail to the Victors yo. The problem with a sample size of one is that it doesn't really tell you anything. Oklahoma beats up on some tomato can Week One (in this case UTEP) and they're instantly play-off material. Michigan wins ugly against a surprisingly good Western Michigan team and they suck. Until they don't. Not one of us picked Michigan, at home, over the Sooners. We are all so, so stupid. 

Cal Berkely 21, Syracuse 18 in the Dome. Paul Angeli, the Orange QB, throws for 307 yards. Not bad, you say. Except that it took him 50 throws to do it, including three interceptions to the same fucking guy, one of which was returned for 6. 
The struggle is real. 

Ohio State 23, Texas 24 in Memorial Stadium. Six of you picked Texas. Blessedly, I was asleep for the whole thing. It took until Wednesday for me to find the guts to watch it. It was not a positive experience. The only good thing about it was that I accidentally recorded it with a couple of Mexicans calling the game instead of Herbie and Fowler. That part was funny. 

Scores:

Q: 2 to make 7 total.

Chiba: 1 to make 6.

DTBH: GUTTERBALL. Total 5.

Lola : GUTTERBALL. Total 2. Not great.

Ronde': 0. GUTTERBALL! Total is 2. Sad. 

DPo: 1 to total out at 6.

Sock: GUTTERBALL. Total 2. "Billy", what's your deal?

Special K: 2. Adds up to 4.

$$uke: GUTTERBALL. Total 2. No bueno. 

Psycho: 1. Has 3 total.

Teebs: 2 to make 3.

McLovin: 1 to  make 3.

Big Dom: 1 to make 3. Unusually bad.

BreauxFreaux: 1 to make 6. Big fucking deal. 

Onward.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week Three Games

FRIDAY NIGHT:

#22 Houston Cougars at #13 Texas Tech Raiders, interstate hate, Q vs Psycho, 8 PM, FOX. 

SATURDAY:

#16 Southern Methodist U (SMU) Mustangs at #23 Louisville Cardinals, CJK5H, 3:30 ESPN2.

#7 LSU Tigers at #8 Ole Miss Rebs, regrettably, a full length movie about Lane Kiffin, 7:30, abc.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Results, Week One

Charlie Cardinal doesn't give a fuck. 

Apropos of nothing but here's an Instagram clip from some guy in his basement, smoking meth out of a six foot bong, and watching the Indiana game. (Sign in to X to hear the audio. It's worth it.)

Okay, that's not really Charlie Cardinal (above), the Louisville Mascot, but it's close. And, apparently, Lincoln Keinholz had some kind of gash behind his ear, in the second half, that was leaking blood down his jaw. So he's a hemophiliac quarterback too, I guess.

This was, I presume, the REAL Lincoln Keinholz, who went off like a cruise missile to Moscow in the last two quarters against Ole Miss Sunday night. Not deep-fake Lincoln Keinholz, who kind of played like he'd never thrown a football before, in the first two stanzas. 

Louisville 38, Ole Miss 41 in Nashville. A real sweep maker for a few of you sons-of-bitches. 

Which brings us to ... what the fuck, Cal? All I've been hearing is how Cal is really coming on. As a program. In a good way. Not in a punching bag way. Which is what they were, at home,  for the UCLA Bruins, on Saturday night. I guess there's something going on at UCLA, too. Or am I just a dumb-ass who sucks at GG?

UCLA 45, Cal 24. Bitterly disappointed in Berkeley.

Let's put this week's Pig to bed with the truck-drag in Baton Rouge. Lane Kiffin is a fucking jerk. This we know. But, Dabo, Dabo, DABO. I'm shakin' my head. There are a lot of reasons that Clemson stinks like dog poop right now; Brett Venables is at Oklahoma. Paying college players to play for your team is now okay. Dabo refuses to go all-in on the Portal  and can't match the NIL money that others offer. Whatever. Just, ya' know, Dabo is looking like he's toast after this season. If he makes it through this season. Clemson still has to play Miami, Virginia Tech and the South Carolina Gamecocks. Ow.

Clemson 10, LSU 51. I don't know what drugs Lane Kiffin is taking but they're working. For now. 

Scores: 

Q: SWEEP! 5

ChibaChews: SWEEP! 5

DogTheBountyHunter: SWEEP! 5

Lola: 2

Ronde': 1

DPo: SWEEP! 5

SockPuppet: 2

Special K: 2

$$uke: 2

Psycho: 2

Teeblations: 2

McLovin: 2

Big Dom: 2

BroFro: SWEEP! 5.

That'll do it for Week 1. 5 SWEEPERS out front. 

GG Week Two Games

All Saturday games:

#11 Oklahoma at unranked Michigan Wolverines, in Ann Arbor, Noon, FOX.

Cal Golden Bears at Syracuse, in the Dome, 3:30, ACCNetwork.

#1 Ohio State at #4 Texas Longhorns, Memorial Stadium in Austin, Texas, 7:30, abc.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week One

Get out the way, here come that Gridiron Guru thang.

GG Week One:

Saturday night. 7:30 unranked Clemson Tigers at #11 LSU Tigers. abc. In Baton Rouge.

Saturday night. 10:30. UCLA Bruins at Cal Golden Bears. ESPN. Berkeley, California.

Sunday night. 7:30. #24 Louisville Cardinals at #9 Ole Miss Rebels. abc. Nashville, Tennessee. 

1 for each win, 5 for the sweep. 

Roll the bones, People. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Season Nineteen Opener

 And we're underway!

Games start next Saturday, August 29th. Yes, thanks to a hyper-motivated BRFL membership we are way ahead of schedule. 

Looking back at the picks, I don't see one that is purely ass. It's unfortunate that, again this year, $$uke's pick seems like maybe the most shaky of them all. This causes me pain. 

We also have three contestants who, if their teams catch fire and win playoff games, could lead to The League conducting its first test drive of The Multiplier. 

You've forgotten what that is. 

In a nutshell, an unranked team that makes the playoff and wins games gets a shit-ton of points. 

Also, betting the ranch and losing is slightly less catastrophic than when $$uke did it, and tanked his season, last year. Check your rule books, that you didn't print out when I sent them to you, for details.

Let's roll. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Season Nineteen Draft

 Draft Days are here.

Draft order 2026:

1. $$uke: AP #14 USC Trojans

2. Timmy! AP #18 Penn State Nittany Lions. 

3. Psycho: AP #12 Texas Tech Red Raiders. 

4. DogTheBountyHunter: AP #14 BYU Cougars. 

5. SpecialK (formerly KBronie):UNRANKED Florida Gators. Starts at plus 3. Homer.

6. ChibaChews: AP #7 Miami Hurricanes. Starts at minus 4. 

7. DPo: AP #19 SMU Mustangs. CJK5H. 

8. Ronde': UNRANKED Boise State Broncos. Starts at plus 3. 

9. McLovin: AP #21 Utah Utes.

10. BreauxFreaux: UNRANKED Navy Midshipmen. Starts at plus 3. Service Academy gambit.

11. Lola: AP #11 LSU Tigers. Pick sent from the Swiss Alps, which is a new one. 

12. SockPuppet: UNRANKED Clemson Tigers. Start at +3. 

13. Big Dom: AP #4 Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Starts at minus 7. Thoughts, Teebs?

14. Q: AP #23 Houston Cougars. Cougars last year, Cougars this year. Defending the Title.

So let it be written.

So let it be done. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Draft Days

 It's happening. 

Focus on your breathing. 

Breathe deeply. Slowly. 

Imagine a peaceful meadow. Wrens and songbirds. Butterflies. Daffodils. 

And then imagine picking your team for BRFL 2026, Season Nineteen. 

Here are some comforting thoughts for you, Gambler. 

You haven't done really any research on college football Div 1 teams but that's okay because it probably wouldn't have helped. Of what value is research in the NIL/portal/seven year eligibility era? 

Not much.

A team's schedule may look easy but is it? Teams that you think suck (because they have traditionally sucked) might be this year's Indiana. So like fuck the schedule. It is an illusion. 

Was this team's pass rush fearsome last year? Those guys are probably gone. And they've been replaced with portal guys you never heard of, from Kennesaw State and Troy. Are they good? Well, yeah. At Kennesaw State they were awesome.

This team's coach got fired and the new coach has never been a head coach, but still. The team is loaded. The QB is a stud. Everybody says the new coach has his act together but ... does he really?

This is the kind of daunting bullshit that we, as BRFLers, face in the modern era. 

Nobody in their right mind follows recruiting anymore but it's still kind of cute watching a teenager put a hat on while his mom pees her pants over that NIL payday. Everybody knows that hat is likely to change two or three or five times over the next few years but it makes for good social media. 

If you are all-in on a new coach are you sure he will make it through the whole season? 

No DUI? No sex scandal? No high-profile dismissal for sucking so badly that the program is willing to throw a bag at him just to stop coaching the team? 

Shit happens. 

And the Stars. Those players banking a huge roll at 19 years old. They're also (probably) rolling up Baby-moms and fat splifs and tricked out, lifted F-150s with blacked out windows and bull-bars so that, when they butt-chug ten shots of tequila and take a wrong turn, into a severe autism/polio camp playground, they're sure to do as much damage as possible. Two  game suspension? Three?

So you can hear what I'm saying. Research? You're kidding yourself. It's a crap shoot. That's why it's called gambling. That's why it can be a problem. Because of your infinite capacity for self-delusion and misplaced confidence. 

You're nothing. You're nobody. You're probably going to get reamed again and again and finish dead last (like I just did) and that's okay. It's just a silly game. It's only money. 

The AP Poll comes out tomorrow at noon. Be talking to you. 

Comrade Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Seven Win Steve

 The Agony of Steve Sarkisian. 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Steve Sarkisian.

He grew up around Torrance, California and he was a darn good baseball and football player. He bumped around playing USC and JUCO baseball (USC, JUCO - samesies) until someone convinced him to play JUCO football at El Camino Jr College, where he showed real promise and eventually transferred to BYU. He had a brief but outstanding career there in the mid-1990s. BYU won the WAC. He was offensive player of the year in 1996. Did a couple years in the CFL as the QB for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. 

Then came coaching. 

Sark has been around. I won't say 'journeyman' but I'm thinking it.

First up, back to El Camino as the QB coach. Then a brief stint at USC (QBs) and then the NFL. OC for the Oakland Raiders  and then, after a winless PAC-12 campaign in 2007, the University of Washington named him the new head man. 

There were problems at UW. He couldn't win more than seven games a season (hence "Seven Win Steve") aaaaannnnnd he started drinkin'. There are stories about Steve showing up at practice with a few drinks under his belt. Stories about Steve being liquored up on the sidelines during games. 

Not judging. A lot of pressure. 

I've been known to drink too much, just like Steve. 

By the way, Steve-o is wound pretty tight. And, oh yeah, he doesn't like being touched. 

Got married. Had kids. Got divorced. Moved on to a stint as Head Coach at USC in 2013 and that's when the wheels came off. 

At the annual big donor event at USC (the 'Salute to Troy') Coach Sark got so fuckig cocked that he couldn't finish his closing speech. Not that he didn't try. Dropping F-bombs and slurring and just generally cussing and throwing the deuces and being 'the hammered guy' at this big, crucial fundraiser. In between he worked the crowd, slurping up cocktails and tellin' dildo jokes (of course). 

The boosters were not happy. Pat Haden, notorious douche and USC Athletic Director at the time,  pinned a 'zero tolerance' policy on Steve-o. As in, "no more getting blotto on company time or you're done." 

Which I guess went okay. Until Steve showed up at practice completely lit and got sent home by the assistant coaches. Apparently not the first time he came to practice with a bag on. But it was the last time, 'cause Pat Haden put him on indefinite leave of absence and then fired him a few days later. 

Oh well. Shit happens. Rehab, or whatever, was next and then Nick Saban picked him up as an 'analyst' (because that's what Nick Saban did back then) in 2016. 

Back to the pros (Atlanta) the next year. 

Back to Alabama as the QBs coach the year after that. 

Got married again.

This is Steve's second wife. Warning: some people may find these pictures disturbing. 

Hey, I'd drink too.

And then  ... and then. 

The University of Texas at Austin came a knockin' in 2021.

I guess he wanted to put the whole rehab/sobriety thing to the test because, if USC and the University of Washington turned him into a gin-soaked, cussin' dildo-joker,  imagine what the pressure at Texas could do. If it wasn't for rehab that is. 

Texas? Those god damn people are crazy. Football is religion down there. They make Alabama look like dabblers. 

Steve-o to the rescue. 

2021: 5 wins, 7 L's 

2022: 8 and 5

2023: 12 - 2, won the Big 12 (yes, Texas was still in the Big 12 then).

2024:  13 - 3, but you're in the SEC now so fuck you, you lost 3 games.

2025: 10 - 3, fuck you again.

Translation: Sark hasn't exactly set the Lone Star State on fire. 

And now there's this year's schedule.

vs Texas State (probably a top 5 offense, again)

vs Ohio State

vs UTSanAntonio

@ Tennessee (uh-oh)

@ Oklahoma (um...)

vs Florida

vs Ole Miss (caution flag) 

vs Missippi State

@ Missouri

@ LSU (oh my god)

vs Arkansas

@ Texas A&M

So, basically, Steve-o delivers the goods to the burnt orange alumni fanbase this year or he leaves Texas "to explore new opportunites". Like NFL opportunities. 

The mountain is high, Amigos.

31 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego the Homeless

 Well, that didn't take long.

The Baltimore Ravens have waived rookie QB Diego Pavia. 

Yes, the Ravens have cut the ex-Vandy signal caller and 2025 Heisman runner-up. The fact that he was apparently let go to make room for a free agent center, Ethan Pocic, has got to hurt those in the Pavia camp. DogTheBountyHunter knows the value of the Center position, as should we all. So, no big deal is what I'm thinking and, uncharacteristically, the Ravens have done the right thing. 

 Whither now, Don Diego?

The Pavester has already considered this eventuality and referenced, specifically, this particular case:

Can you say "Cole Hutson"?

Hook 'em

Mr. Hutson, a four year veteran University of Texas offensive lineman, went undrafted this April.

He then participated in Cleveland Browns and Dallas Cowboys NFL rookie camps. 

Still no takers.

Now he has secured a favorable ruling from a judge in Travis County, Texas (which is where the University of Texas is located) challenging the NCAA's new eligibility rules, under which Cole Hutson would not be eligible to play any more college ball. This judge has granted Cole a 'temporary restraining order' (from the NCAA rules) and could pave the way for a fifth year of eligibility. He is now free to practice with UTexas who, understandably, would love to have him back for the season. 

A hearing to possibly grant Cole Hutson an injunction that would give him that fifth year is scheduled for August 3.

Is there any doubt that Mr. Pavia has dusted off his "seventh year of eligibility" playbook?

Oh. Hell yeah.

35 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego Pavia: Fraud or Fabulous?

 Don Diego.

Diego Pavia is 5'10". He's an American, not a Mexican. He's from Albuquerque, NM. He's a 24 yr old undrafted free agent QB for the Baltimore Ravens (a lot like Craig James was an undrafted free agent). 

CJK5H.

Diego sued the NCAA over the NCAA's counting of JUCO years against Div I eligibility, saying it violated federal antitrust law, etc. He won. He got a sixth season in 2025.

He considered suing the NCAA for a seventh year of eligibility until he was signed by the Ravens at a significant pay cut from what he was getting from Vanderbilt. 

He got his start at the New Mexico Military Institute, a Junior College modeled after a Mexican super-max prison.

 

Hagerman Barracks, NMMI

He played 2 years at NMMI. He led the Broncos to the National Junior college championship against Iowa Western. New Mexico State U HC, Jerry Kill, and Tim Beck (a QB coach at NMState) were down to wherever they play the NJCChampionsip game recruiting a guy named Nate Glantz, the Iowa Western QB. They were, legend has it, watching the game on a TV, in a local Hooters restaurant and titty bar, when Pavia lit up Iowa Western for a 31 - 13 drubbing and a JUCO national championship. At which point Kill and Beck dumped Gantz and recruited Pavia to NMState U, in Div I, where he played the next two years before tranferring to Vanderbilt and the SEC. He made a pretty big splash there. For two more years. Impressive stats. Upsets. Highlight reels. Heisman finalist. Finished, I don't know, not first, okay? 

"Fuck the (Heisman) voters!" (or something) was all he had to say. Which was kind of enough.

Went undrafted in April.

"Fuck the NFL!" (or something to that effect). "Gonna' sue the NCAA for a seventh year and get to know my grandkids. Adelante!"

But then, yes, the Ravens came through. Not a big surprise.

You can murder people and play for the Ravens (looking at you, Ray-ray).

So, I ask you. 

Is Diego Pavia going to suck and disappear or is he going to make Hagerman Barracks and the New Mexico Military Institue proud?

36 more days. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

 

The Death Penalty

 What do you think it would take for the NCAA to drop the Death Penalty on a program now? 

I can't think of anything, really. What SMU did, back in the late 70's and the 80's was to basically just pay guys, cash under the table, to go to SMU. A vast network of wealthy donors created a very large slush fund and either directly payed players or funneled the money to their families. 

SMU is  just 5 miles north of Dallas. The campus is 234 beautiful acres. I have a cousin who went there. This guy is a Pig. And I mean that as a compliment. I mean, he never killed anyone (that I know of) and he never did time, but he is a depraved individual. 
McLovin, you know what I'm talking about. 

Anyway.

SMU did this shit for years. Even when they had been caught and were on probation, they just kept doing it. 

But they also kicked ass. They had some great running backs. Eric Dickerson. Craig James.

(CJK5H).

Officially they dubbed the team 'The Pony Express' and they ran roughshod over everybody in the now defunct Southwest Conference. But, on the down low, everybody really called SMU 'The Pony Excess'.

And by 1987, the NCAA had had enough. They dropped the hammer. 

The NCAA cancelled SMU's 1987 season. They couldn't even have a scrimmage.

They stripped them of just about all athletic scholarships.

SMU had their probation extended to 1990.  

Once the suspension was up they still weren't allowed to have their games broadcast on TV. 

It was a knock out blow. For the next 20 years they won exactly one game. They couldn't recruit anybody. They tried but ... really? No. The Southwest Conference folded. 

And now? All that stuff that SMU did is okay. It's not a slush fund. It's NIL money and revenue sharing . It's not a vast network of wealthy donors. It's a vast network of wealthy donors. 

SMU still has the scars.

 ForEVER, the SMU Mustangs battle cry was "Pony up!". You could see how that is kind of an unfortunate phrase for SMU to rally behind. 

They still have a Shetland Pony named Peruna as their mascot. That may never change. 

But now the battle cry is something lame like, "GO Mustangs". 

Wow. 

Inspiring. 

There have been two other programs that got Death Penaltied. The U of Kentucky in the 50's (basketball) and some program in south Louisiana. I'm sure they deserved it. 

Again though. NOW? It would have to be some sort of monstrous gambling scam or a Ponzi scheme run out of the administration building or something involving dozens and dozens of dead babies, I don't know. Something like enriching uranium and selling it to Mexicans or hacking JP Morgan executive accounts to generate NIL money. Or, like, hiring Brian Kelly. 

Something really reprehensible and beyond the pale. 

I don't think the Death Penalty will happen again in my lifetime. 

Rest easy, BRFLers.

38 days 'til kickoff.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life 

Fat Warde Manuel

 

The scandal-plagued University of Michigan finally decides to part ways with morbidly obese AD Warde Manuel.

Less than twenty four hours after calling Big Warde 'the best Athletic Director in the United States of America' Michigan President, and reputed Lucchese Family crime boss, Domenico Grasso, suddenly "identifies failures" and tosses Manuel's enormous ass under a passing bus. 

El Gordo sleeps with the fishes. 

Why now, Domenico, you ask. 

Great question.

This guy, Sherrone Moore put the U of M Board over the top (Coach Moore shown here with his special-needs, very white, Viking girlfriend and 90K a year 'assistant'). Moore's arrest, after a melt down and home invasion of his Nordic slam-piece's apartment (during which he threatened to kill himself with a butter knife), was hard to ignore. 

An lo it was that, in the year of our Lord 2026, the scumbag, ambulance-chasing law firm, Jenner & Block, was retained for a puny eleven million dollars, to conduct an internal review of the culture of Flabby Warde's Athletic Department.  

 "The culture review found that weaknesses in accountability, organizational structure, oversight and reporting created conditions in which misconduct was not always addressed consistently, promptly, or in accordance with University expectations."

Bad look, Fat Bastard.  

 “I am happy President Grasso asked me to stay on to work with him to implement the recommendations for continuous improvement. I promise everyone I will have more to say about my decision at the appropriate time.”

Said Super-sized Manuel, who will be stepping down at the end of the calendar year, as he dipped a Chimichanga the size of a 3 month old baby into a spackle bucket full of torta ahogada.  

Bon appetite, Big Man. 

Whoever takes over for Warde will have a helluva pair of pants to fill. 

All wise-assing aside, this is a sad day for Michigan haters. Think about it. With this douche at the helm of the athletic department, Big Blue has won a National Championship in football and basketball in the span of just three years. I mean, what else is there?

Just think what they can do when they get an AD who has his shit together.

Sigh.

39 days until kickoff. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life