It's happening.
Focus on your breathing.
Breathe deeply. Slowly.
Imagine a peaceful meadow. Wrens and songbirds. Butterflies. Daffodils.
And then imagine picking your team for BRFL 2026, Season Nineteen.
Here are some comforting thoughts for you, Gambler.
You haven't done really any research on college football Div 1 teams but that's okay because it probably wouldn't have helped. Of what value is research in the NIL/portal/seven year eligibility era?
Not much.
A team's schedule may look easy but is it? Teams that you think suck (because they have traditionally sucked) might be this year's Indiana. So like fuck the schedule. It is an illusion.
Was this team's pass rush fearsome last year? Those guys are probably gone. And they've been replaced with portal guys you never heard of, from Kennesaw State and Troy. Are they good? Well, yeah. At Kennesaw State they were awesome.
This team's coach got fired and the new coach has never been a head coach, but still. The team is loaded. The QB is a stud. Everybody says the new coach has his act together but ... does he really?
This is the kind of daunting bullshit that we, as BRFLers, face in the modern era.
Nobody in their right mind follows recruiting anymore but it's still kind of cute watching a teenager put a hat on while his mom pees her pants over that NIL payday. Everybody knows that hat is likely to change two or three or five times over the next few years but it makes for good social media.
If you are all-in on a new coach are you sure he will make it through the whole season?
No DUI? No sex scandal? No high-profile dismissal for sucking so badly that the program is willing to throw a bag at him just to stop coaching the team?
Shit happens.
And the Stars. Those players banking a huge roll at 19 years old. They're also (probably) rolling up Baby-moms and fat splifs and tricked out, lifted F-150s with blacked out windows and bull-bars so that, when they butt-chug ten shots of tequila and take a wrong turn, into a severe autism/polio camp playground, they're sure to do as much damage as possible. Two game suspension? Three?
So you can hear what I'm saying. Research? You're kidding yourself. It's a crap shoot. That's why it's called gambling. That's why it can be a problem. Because of your infinite capacity for self-delusion and misplaced confidence.
You're nothing. You're nobody. You're probably going to get reamed again and again and finish dead last (like I just did) and that's okay. It's just a silly game. It's only money.
The AP Poll comes out tomorrow at noon. Be talking to you.
Comrade Herbstrong
Commissioner for Life
