July 20, 2026.
The scandal-plagued University of Michigan finally decides to part ways with morbidly obese AD Warde Manuel.
Less than twenty four hours after calling Big Warde 'the best Athletic Director in the United States of America' Michigan President, and reputed Lucchese Family crime boss, Domenico Grasso, suddenly "identifies failures" and tosses Manuel's enormous ass under a passing bus.
El Gordo sleeps with the fishes.
Why now, Domenico, you ask.
Great question.
This guy, Sherrone Moore, shown here with his special-needs, very white, Viking girlfriend and 90K a year 'assistant', put the U of M Board over the top. Moore's arrest, after a melt down and home invasion of his Nordic slam-piece's apartment (during which he threatened to kill himself with a butter knife), was hard to ignore.
An lo it was that, in the year of our Lord 2026, the scumbag, ambulance-chasing law firm, Jenner & Block, was retained for a puny eleven million dollars,
to conduct an internal review of the culture of Flabby Warde's Athletic Department.
"The culture review found that weaknesses in accountability, organizational structure, oversight and reporting created conditions in which misconduct was not always addressed consistently, promptly, or in accordance with University expectations."
Bad look, Mr. Diabetes-Waiting-To-Happen.
“I am happy President Grasso asked me to stay on to work with him to implement the recommendations for continuous improvement. I promise everyone I will have more to say about my decision at the appropriate time.”
Said Jumbo Manuel, who will be stepping down at the end of the calendar year, as he dipped a Chimichanga the size of a 3 month old baby into a spackle bucket full of torta ahogada.
Bon appetite, Big Man.
Whoever takes over for Warde will have a helluva pair of pants to fill.
39 days until kickoff.
Lance Herbstrong
Commissioner for Life
