Seven Win Steve

 The Agony of Steve Sarkisian. 

Once upon a time there was a boy named Steve Sarkisian.

He grew up around Torrance, California and he was a darn good baseball and football player. He bumped around playing USC and JUCO baseball (USC, JUCO - samesies) until someone convinced him to play JUCO football at El Camino Jr College, where he showed real promise and eventually transferred to BYU. He had a brief but outstanding career there in the mid-1990s. BYU won the WAC. He was offensive player of the year in 1996. Did a couple years in the CFL as the QB for the Saskatchewan Rough Riders. 

Then came coaching. 

Sark has been around. I won't say 'journeyman' but I'm thinking it.

First up, back to El Camino as the QB coach. Then a brief stint at USC (QBs) and then the NFL. OC for the Oakland Raiders  and then, after a winless season in 2007, the University of Washington named him the new head man. 

There were problems at UW. He couldn't win more than seven games a season (hence "Seven Win Steve") aaaaannnnnd he started drinkin'. There are stories about Steve showing up at practice with a few drinks under his belt. Stories about Steve being liquored up on the sidelines during games. 

Not judging. A lot of pressure. 

I've been known to drink too much, just like Steve. 

By the way, Steve-o is wound pretty tight. And, oh yeah, he doesn't like being touched. 

Got married. Had kids. Got divorced. Moved on to a stint as Head Coach at USC in 2013 and that's when the wheels came off. 

At the annual big donor event at USC (the 'Salute to Troy') Coach Sark got so hammered that he couldn't finish his closing speech. Not that he didn't try. Dropping F-bombs and slurring and just generally cussing and throwing the deuces and being 'the hammered guy' at this big, crucial fundraiser. In between he worked the crowd, slopping up cocktails and tellin' dildo jokes (of course). 

The boosters were not happy. Pat Haden, notorious douche and USC Athletic Director at the time,  pinned a 'zero tolerance' policy on Steve-o. As in, "no more getting fucking plastered on company time or you're done." 

Which I guess went okay, until Steve showed up at practice completely lit and got sent home by the assistant coaches. Apparently not the first time he came to practice with a bag on. But it was the last time 'cause Pat Haden put him on indefinite leave of absence and then fired him a few days later. 

Oh well. Shit happens. Rehab, or whatever, was next and then Nick Saban picked him up as an 'analyst' (because that's what Nick Saban did back then) in 2016. 

Back to the pros (Atlanta) the next year. 

Back to Alabama as the QBs coach the year after that. 

Got married again.

This is Steve's second wife. Warning: some people may find these pictures disturbing. 

Hey, I'd drink too.

And then  ... and then. 

The University of Texas at Austin came a knockin' in 2021.

I guess he wanted to put the whole rehab/sobriety thing to the test because, if USC and the University of Washington turned him into a gin-soaked, cussin' dildo-joker,  imagine what the pressure at Texas could do. If it wasn't for rehab that is. 

Texas? Those god damn people are crazy. Football is religion down there. They make Alabama look like dabblers. 

Steve-o to the rescue. 

2021: 5 wins, 7 L's 

2022: 8 and 5

2023: 12 - 2, won the Big 12 (yes, Texas was still in the Big 12 then).

2024:  13 - 3, but you're in the SEC now so fuck you, you lost 3 games.

2025: 10 - 3, fuck you again.

Translation: Sark hasn't exactly set the Lone Star State on fire. 

And now there's this year's schedule.

vs Texas State (probably a top 5 offense, again)

vs Ohio State

vs UTSanAntonio

@ Tennessee (uh-oh)

@ Oklahoma (um...)

vs Florida

vs Ole Miss (caution flag) 

vs Missippi State

@ Missouri

@ LSU (oh my god)

vs Arkansas

@ Texas A&M

So, basically, Steve-o delivers the goods to the burnt orange alumni fanbase this year or he leaves Texas "to explore new opportunites". Like NFL opportunities. 

The mountain is high, Amigos.

31 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego the Homeless

 Well, that didn't take long.

The Baltimore Ravens have waived rookie QB Diego Pavia. 

Yes, the Ravens have cut the ex-Vandy signal caller and 2025 Heisman runner-up. The fact that he was apparently let go to make room for a free agent center, Ethan Pocic, has got to hurt those in the Pavia camp. DogTheBountyHunter knows the value of the Center position, as should we all. So, no big deal is what I'm thinking and, uncharacteristically, the Ravens have done the right thing. 

 Whither now, Don Diego?

The Pavester has already considered this eventuality and referenced, specifically, this particular case:

Can you say "Cole Hutson"?

Hook 'em

Mr. Hutson, a four year veteran University of Texas offensive lineman, went undrafted this April.

He then participated in Cleveland Browns and Dallas Cowboys NFL rookie camps. 

Still no takers.

Now he has secured a favorable ruling from a judge in Travis County, Texas (which is where the University of Texas is located) challenging the NCAA's new eligibility rules, under which Cole Hutson would not be eligible to play any more college ball. This judge has granted Cole a 'temporary restraining order' (from the NCAA rules) and could pave the way for a fifth year of eligibility. He is now free to practice with UTexas who, understandably, would love to have him back for the season. 

A hearing to possibly grant Cole Hutson an injunction that would give him that fifth year is scheduled for August 3.

Is there any doubt that Mr. Pavia has dusted off his "seventh year of eligibility" playbook?

Oh. Hell yeah.

35 days.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Diego Pavia: Fraud or Fabulous?

 Don Diego.

Diego Pavia is 5'10". He's an American, not a Mexican. He's from Albuquerque, NM. He's a 24 yr old undrafted free agent QB for the Baltimore Ravens (a lot like Craig James was an undrafted free agent). 

CJK5H.

Diego sued the NCAA over the NCAA's counting of JUCO years against Div I eligibility, saying it violated federal antitrust law, etc. He won. He got a sixth season in 2025.

He considered suing the NCAA for a seventh year of eligibility until he was signed by the Ravens at a significant pay cut from what he was getting from Vanderbilt. 

He got his start at the New Mexico Military Institute, a Junior College modeled after a Mexican super-max prison.

 

Hagerman Barracks, NMMI

He played 2 years at NMMI. He led the Broncos to the National Junior college championship against Iowa Western. New Mexico State U HC Jerry Kill and Tim Beck (a QB coach at NMState) were down to wherever they play the NJCChampionsip game recruiting a guy named Nate Glantz, the Iowa Western QB. They were, legend has it, watching the game on a TV, in a local Hooters restaurant and titty bar, when Pavia lit up Iowa Western for a 31 - 13 drubbing and a JUCO national championship. At which point Kill and Beck dumped Gantz and recruited Pavia to NMState U, in Div I, where he played the next two years before tranferring to Vanderbilt and the SEC. He made a pretty big splash there. For two more years. Impressive stats. Upsets. Highlight reels. Heisman finalist. Finished, I don't know, not first, okay? 

"Fuck the (Heisman) voters!" (or something) was all he had to say. Which was kind of enough.

Went undrafted in April.

"Fuck the NFL!" (or something to that effect). "Gonna' sue the NCAA for a seventh year and get to know my grandkids. Adelante!"

But then, yes, the Ravens came through. Not a big surprise.

You can murder people and play for the Ravens (looking at you, Ray-ray).

So, I ask you. 

Is Diego Pavia going to suck and disappear or is he going to make Hagerman Barracks at the New Mexico Military Institue proud?

36 more days. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

 

The Death Penalty

 What do you think it would take for the NCAA to drop the Death Penalty on a program now? 

I can't think of anything, really. What SMU did, back in the late 70's and the 80's was to basically just pay guys, cash under the table, to go to SMU. A vast network of wealthy donors created a very large slush fund and either directly payed players or funneled the money to their families. 

SMU is  just 5 miles north of Dallas. The campus is 234 beautiful acres. I have a cousin who went there. This guy is a Pig. And I mean that as a compliment. I mean, he never killed anyone (that I know of) and he never did time, but he is a depraved individual. 
McLovin, you know what I'm talking about. 

Anyway.

SMU did this shit for years. Even when they had been caught and were on probation, they just kept doing it. 

But they also kicked ass. They had some great running backs. Eric Dickerson. Craig James.

(CJK5H).

Officially they dubbed the team 'The Pony Express' and they ran roughshod over everybody in the now defunct Southwest Conference. But, on the down low, everybody really called SMU 'The Pony Excess'.

And by 1987, the NCAA had had enough. They dropped the hammer. 

The NCAA cancelled SMU's 1987 season. They couldn't even have a scrimmage.

They stripped them of just about all athletic scholarships.

SMU had their probation extended to 1990.  

Once the suspension was up they still weren't allowed to have their games broadcast on TV. 

It was a knock out blow. For the next 20 years they won exactly one game. They couldn't recruit anybody. They tried but ... really? No. The Southwest Conference folded. 

And now? All that stuff that SMU did is okay. It's not a slush fund. It's NIL money and revenue sharing . It's not a vast network of wealthy donors. It's a vast network of wealthy donors. 

SMU still has the scars.

 ForEVER, the SMU Mustangs battle cry was "Pony up!". You could see how that is kind of an unfortunate phrase for SMU to rally behind. They still have a Shetland Pony named Peruna as their mascot. That may never change. But now the battle cry is something lame like, "GO Mustangs". 

Wow. 

Inspiring. 

There have been two other programs that got Death Penaltied. The U of Kentucky in the 50's (basketball) and some program in south Louisiana. I'm sure they deserved it. 

Again though. NOW? It would have to be some sort of monstrous gambling scam or a Ponzi scheme run out of the administration building or something involving dozens and dozens of dead babies, I don't know. Something like enriching uranium and selling it to Mexicans or hacking JP Morgan executive accounts to generate NIL money. Or  like hiring Brian Kelly. Something really reprehensible and beyond the pale. 

I don't think the Death Penalty will happen again in my lifetime. 

Rest easy, BRFLers.

38 days 'til kickoff.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life 

Fat Warde Manuel

 

The scandal-plagued University of Michigan finally decides to part ways with morbidly obese AD Warde Manuel.

Less than twenty four hours after calling Big Warde 'the best Athletic Director in the United States of America' Michigan President, and reputed Lucchese Family crime boss, Domenico Grasso, suddenly "identifies failures" and tosses Manuel's enormous ass under a passing bus. 

El Gordo sleeps with the fishes. 

Why now, Domenico, you ask. 

Great question.

This guy, Sherrone Moore put the U of M Board over the top (Coach Moore shown here with his special-needs, very white, Viking girlfriend and 90K a year 'assistant'). Moore's arrest, after a melt down and home invasion of his Nordic slam-piece's apartment (during which he threatened to kill himself with a butter knife), was hard to ignore. 

An lo it was that, in the year of our Lord 2026, the scumbag, ambulance-chasing law firm, Jenner & Block, was retained for a puny eleven million dollars, to conduct an internal review of the culture of Flabby Warde's Athletic Department.  

 "The culture review found that weaknesses in accountability, organizational structure, oversight and reporting created conditions in which misconduct was not always addressed consistently, promptly, or in accordance with University expectations."

Bad look, Fat Bastard.  

 “I am happy President Grasso asked me to stay on to work with him to implement the recommendations for continuous improvement. I promise everyone I will have more to say about my decision at the appropriate time.”

Said Super-sized Manuel, who will be stepping down at the end of the calendar year, as he dipped a Chimichanga the size of a 3 month old baby into a spackle bucket full of torta ahogada.  

Bon appetite, Big Man. 

Whoever takes over for Warde will have a helluva pair of pants to fill. 

All wise-assing aside, this is a sad day for Michigan haters. Think about it. With this douche at the helm of the athletic department, Big Blue has won a National Championship in football and basketball in the span of just three years. I mean, what else is there?

Just think what they can do when they get an AD who has his shit together.

Sigh.

39 days until kickoff. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Countdown to Season 19.

 It's July 19th and football season seems a long ways away. 

At least we have the WNBA.

Does anybody really know how many seasons the BRFL has been running? 

I think Clem and $$uke the Mindless schemed it up in 2006. I could be wrong. That would make this year season twenty but we took the first year of Covid off. I think that was 2020. Hard to say. 

Those were special times.

Whatever. The hell with it. I'm calling this Season Nineteen. 

There are a bunch of games 8/29 that all suck, but some of them feature teams that  might get picked in the draft, so we'll call August 29th the start of the season. 

Which means it's 40 days until kick-off.

Count 'em down with me, Lance Herbstrong, and your most bitchin' blog, as we gird our loins for another go 'round with the Blacks Road Football League. 💔

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life