Mo' Names

Names. Real Names

The Harbaugh Channel

In the latest move to turn the BRFL into the AHATTFL (All Harbaugh All the Time Football League), we present the following... to be re-enacted at BRFLpalooza.

This story from around 2000 involves Harbaugh wanting to throw the ball around with some girls at Dominicks. An observer feels this is flirting until…

He said to the first girl, “keep your hands up, thumbs down,” and he showed her the proper motion with his own hands. When she didn’t get quite right, he grabbed her wrists and showed her how to position her hands. He then paced off 15 yards, held the ball in front of him, squatted like he was under center, patted the ball hard, took three hard steps back, planted his back leg and fired the ball at the first girl. As he let the ball go, you could hear it click as his fingernails hit the ball and, I shit you not, as the ball whizzed through the air you could hear it ssssssssssss… THUNK! It hit the girl in the shoulder and knocked her down. Jim wadn’t playin’.

“Come on, let’s go!” Jim barked. While Girl #1 picked herself up, Girl#2 gamely grabbed the ball and lobbed it back. Again, Jim got in his QB squat, smacked the ball, did a hard three-step drop-back and fired the ball at Girl#3, she ducked but the ball hit off the top of her head and went into the street. Girl#2 ran after it while Girl#3 sat on the ground rubbing her head. When Girl#2’s throw back to Jim was short, Jim got a bit annoyed, and set the girls up in a relay so that two girls were about 25 yards away, and the third girl was halfway in between so that that girls could throw to her, and she would run the ball to Jim. For the next 5-10 minutes, he was firing balls at these two poor girls, knocking them down or hitting them in the face about half the time. He was 100% oblivious.

…until it becomes clear that the only context in which Harbaugh has ever heard the word "flirt" is immediately preceding "…ing with disaster," and associates it with throwing over the middle late.

A Harbaughinger of Spring

Less than 6 months to the new season.

THE Ohio State University - Recrootin', yo.

Heismaniac 2.0: The Desolation

Among the ashes that remain from BRFL Season Ocho, there lay in ruin the crushed spirit of the poorly conceived contest of the Commissioner's own creation. Kept alive and fueled purely by 'Bosuke's boundless ego, the oft confusing, ill-managed and seemingly random tribunal that was the Heismaniac was destined to go the way of New Coke. Even the out of touch and tone deaf Commish could see that change was nigh, and lo, he implored the Great Minds of the BRFL to resurrect his abortion while he cowered in fear and an alcoholic haze..

And now, it is time.

Birthed from the steaming loins of Snottie "I ain't cryin'" Ryan, and further proof that the BRFL ganglion are never at rest, we present to the brethren (and sistren) in a hail of trumpets and barrage of rotten fruit and pre-teen panties, the latest and greatest machination designed to rid you of those pesky guilders. Douches and douchette, here is Heismaniac 2.0: The Desolation.


Your Heismaniac 2.0: The Desolation Ballot Form:

	5pts	10pts	20 pts
	Conference	Position	Player
First	B1G	RB	Elliott	x3
Second	SEC	QB	Prescott	x2
Third	SEC	RB	Fournette	x1

Rules

#1. Pick the Conference the Heisman winner, runner up and third place dude come from.

Points: Picking the conference spot correctly gets you 5 points for third place, double points for second, triple points for first.

Example: I picked the Heisman winner comes from the B1G conference. If

he does, I get 15 points (5 for getting the conference and triple points for first place= 15 points).

Say I wiff on the first and second place finishers but the 3rd place winner is from

the SEC (even if it isn't Fournette). I get 5 pts x1 (for third place).

#2 Pick the Position of the winner/finalists

Same dillio. Maybe you only get the QB in 2nd place. 20 points.

#3 Pick the Playa. Get the winner right, 60 points!

#4. Most points wins. You can get player wrong and still get points for the position

or conference.

#5. Assuming 10 participants, payout is $60, $30, $10.

#6. As with all BRFL functions, an overriding concern is when you douches get "cute". We need to prevent your attempts at block voting, i.e. filling your ballot with all the same guy, same position

and same conference. Each "player" spot must be a different name; no conference can appear more than twice on your ballot and no more than two of the same positions can appear on your ballot.

Further explanation at the payout, because we understand that most, if not all of you are pretty dense. Just give us your money and all will be cool.

Jamie Dimon: The Bert Bielema of Wall Street

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/20/business/dealbook/new-rules-transform-wall-st-banks.html?ref=international&_r=0

And I don't give a fuck if I spelled his name wrong.
Read this article and feel the Joy of Schadenfreude again and again.
I'm sure many of you have had the 'pleasure' of talking with a Wall Street banker-puke at a cocktail party (Chuck, Randude,you live in Connecticut. This must happen to you with some regularity). I love it, LOVE IT, when they start bemoaning Dodd-Frank. "Oh. oh. Whoa is me. My bonus wasn't bigger than your salary this year, Mister 7-years-a-slave in medical school and residency".
In your case, Randiddle, 10 years a slave.
Do I sound bitter? I am. Totally. I'm okay with admitting it.
Putting the wood to Wall Street. Maybe not as good as watching Ezekeil Elliot gash Alabama for 200+ yards....but close.

Jimbosuke

Love me some Nick Fairley, War Eagle

https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=AwrTccAI7uVU7ycAO0knnIlQ;_ylu=X3oDMTB0MzkwOG5yBHNlYwNzYwRjb2xvA2dxMQR2dGlkA1lIUzAwNF8x?p=nick+fairley+iron+bowl+2010&tnr=21&vid=A6B118732C1F8D0DD81BA6B118732C1F8D0DD81B&l=55&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DUN.608055915180066806%26pid%3D15.1&sigi=11rtr517k&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D2wCKAODmKOo&sigr=11b826cu6&tt=b&tit=Nick+Fairley%26%2339%3Bs+Sack%2FFumble+Recovery+in+2010+Iron+Bowl&sigt=11ph051js&back=https%3A%2F%2Fsearch.yahoo.com%2Fyhs%2Fsearch%3Fp%3Dnick%2Bfairly%2Biron%2Bbowl%2B2010%26ei%3DUTF-8%26hsimp%3Dyhs-001%26hspart%3Dmozilla&sigb=1366uq0ui&hspart=mozilla&hsimp=yhs-001

Speeding in Denmark

Now with 30% more boobs, as they say.

"//www.youtube.com/embed/CPwW1HlAPys"

Jimbosuke

"You're an angry football team. Got an angry staff."

http://www.elevenwarriors.com/ohio-state-football/2015/02/49994/watch-ohio-state-bring-the-pain-in-this-2014-hit-highlight-reel

Heismaniac 2015: The Ressurection

News on Heismaniac;

To be governed by the Heismaniac Rules Committee:

SNottie$ and DPo.

New rules pending.

More details when I have them.

Jimbosuke

Harbaugh

http://www.elevenwarriors.com/ohio-state-football/2015/02/49622/brutus-buckeye-trolls-jim-harbaugh-on-the-eve-of-national-signing-day

Missing the BRFL Brahs, Brahs.

Jimbosuke

Wowzer in me Trouser

Enjoy.

Season Nueve: The Dollars

Here are the figures, Brothers and Sisters:

Scottie: + 182
Jimbosuke: + 182
Randude: + 102
McLuvin': +76 and the Liberace for a year.
SeaDawg: +64
Teeblations: +37

BroFro: -5
SockPuppet: -28
ClemboSlice: -43
CCS: -78
DPo: -93
SkHank: -184
Q: -210

Couple things:

Who had T-shirts from last year that were paid for and never received? Let me know and I will mail them to you.

And remember, bring some extra swag for GG and Heismaniac. 20 bucks for GG and 10 for the Heisman contest.

You can mail me your dough or wait for the payout.

Jimbosuke

BRFL Season Nueve: Damage Report

Here's how it went down in the final weeks:

Starting in Negative Territory:

QMoney's Cardinal gets a bowl win. 2 points, finishes up at minus 4. Another lost season.

Q has a new roomie in NegativeLand: Skhank. Check it out: Henry takes the REAM as CrazyLesMiles and his tiger balls douche one to the Domers in the bowl. Hank goes from # 22 to unranked, gets reamed, accumulates minus 8 on the journey and ends the season minus 2.
I have no words. No. Words.

DPo: No bowl. No points. Ends with 5. Harbaugh to the rescue. Too late for this year, Bitch.

CCS. Iowa. Another bowl. Another loss. Finish with 7. Season of Shame.

ClemFuckee. Duke fails the DutchBoy. Loss. 9. So much promise to end like this, fetched up in the ditch.

SockPuppet.  Troymen finish strong. Bowl win gives 2, move up 4 to #20, 1 no drop, net 7, end the season with 10. Not so bad.

BroFro. BYU ends with a bowl loss. 11 total. Respectable given the deep hole of horrible shit you started digging out of about 3 months ago. I acknowledge your prodigious capacity for suffering.

Teeba. Wisco fights back and nails the bowl. Big game for Melvin G. 2 for the win, 4 for the move up, 1 for the no drop. 7 + 8 = 15 season total. Always remember how TOSU beat your ass like a rented mule. That's all I ask.

SeaBiscuit. Whiney-Ass Art Briles disses the whole universe then neglects to win his bowl game. Maybe leave Waco once in awhile, Fucker, Crash dive minus 3. End with 17. Too many Texas eggs in your basket, 'Biscuit.

McLovin. Gut wrenching irony as your near fatal Georgia pick from last year, under new management (JIMBOSUKE) knocks off Louisville and costs you minus 4 in bowl season. Narrowly dodging a ream, BroSki. I smear dog feces on your truck console, McPussy.
Consolation: You're going home with the Liberace. Handle with care.

Randoodle. So close, yet...so far. KState fills the bowl with a stinky turd and you free-fall minus 7 from #11 to # 18. 27 - 7 = 20. Welcome to second place, Brah. You thought you were going to win again, Dog'sAss?! Think again.

And now, an unprecedented development. Two BRFLers score 26 points each to share the top spot.
Here's how: Snottie's Meechy State Spartans storm back and butt-hammer Seannie's Bears. 2 for the win, 2 for the move up to #5, one for the no drop, total 5, plus his 21 finishes with 26. Nice job.

'BoSuke, Sing Praises Unto Him, ass-whips Louisville in the bowl, 2 for the win. Moves up from #13 to #9 that's 4 more, one for the no drop, total 7, add to his 19, DING DING DING!: 26. God DANG, I love me some ME!

I haven't calculated the payout yet but compared to other years this was a tight, tight race and I don't think we'll have to put anyone on suicide watch.

I had fun at least.

Jimbosuke