BRFL Week 5 Results

 SockPuppet. Texas tramples Kansas, 40 - 14 in Dallas. Texas is good. They're not fucking around. They're also playing Oklahoma this weekend. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. No AP love. +2 on the weekend. +18 for the lead in the BRFL, #3 AP. 

Lola. We love her. She sometimes even makes a good pick. But then ... the pick goes sideways. In a barn-burner, nail-biter, shoot-out, chronically enraged Brain Kelly's LSU Tigers come up short. Ole Miss 55, LSU 49, in Oxford, Mississippi. The AP is merciless. LSU drops 10 (?!) spots. Personally, I thought that was excessive. Yet, here we are. Minus ten on the weekend. Minus 20 for the season. That's apocalyptic. Those are ChibaChews-like numbers. Still, LSU is #23 AP. 

BreauxFreaux. The Breaux is the Kiss of Death for every QB of every team he has ever picked. If he picks a team, 90% chance QB1 gets carted off before mid-season. Such is the case this year with Texas Tech. Yet, TTech dumps Houston (Hello, Chiba) 49 - 28, and refuses to die. 1 for the win and +2 on the season, which, for this year's comedy of errors, is not too shabby. 

Timmy! Notre Dame goes on the road vs. traditional baseketball school, Duke, and gets the dub, 21 - 14. This was not an easy win. If fact, Sam Hartmann had to pull this one out of his ass. Is Notre Dame good? Dunno'! You tell me. 

1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. +1 for the AP love (of course, fucking AP love), +3 weekend, +12 on the season, #10 AP.

Snottie. Oregon seal-clubs Stanford 42 - 6 in Palo Alto. Oregon is a scary team. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. +1 for the move up (Stanford  is not great), +3 on the weekend. +17 on the season and Snottie is making a run. #8 AP. 

DPo and the Badgers with the BYE week. Minus 7 and unranked. It looks kind of grim for the 'Po. I'm not ready to declare Wisco dead just yet. That's just me. What do I know? I know a shit-ton, you Fuckers. 

ChibaChews. Clemson whups up on Syracuse in the Dome. McLovin and son were at this game. Clemson 41 - Syracuse 14. Savor the moment, Cheebs. Clemson is Yesterday's Team. 1 for the win. Minus 20 on the season. As much as I hate Dabo, I'm kind of happy for you this week. Kind of. 

Q. USC downs Colorado 48 - 41 in Boulder. I'm ready to call this a quality win. The Buffaloes are legit and USC is still defensively challenged but this was a quality win. Unfortunately for you, Q, the AP didn't see it "that way". 1 for the win, AP drops you 1, zero on the weekend and zero on the Season. This is looking like a shit pick. #9 AP.

McLovin. BYE week for the Buckeyes. Pick up a free no drop point. Go to minus 2 on the season. Congratulations. #4 AP.

$$uke. Powerhouse Utah comes to Corvallis and takes the 'L' from the Beavers, 21 - 7. Take home message: don't come to Corvallis. The Beavs schedule just gets harder but at least we let the gas out of Utah's bag. Beavs 21 - Utah 7. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +4 love from the AP and it's a 6 pointer for $$uke on the weekend. +11 on the season. I'm almost somebody. #15 AP.

KBron. Ole Miss 55 - LSU 49, in Oxford. A huge win for Joey Freshwater. KBron is a football psycho, did you know that? Watch a game with him. You'll see what I mean. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +4 on the AP move up, +6 weekend, +14 on the season. Once again, Komronovich is eye-to-eye with the Liberace. #16 AP.

DogTheBountyHunter. Rocks the KSU BYE week. Does Kansas State suck like a Shop-vac or do they have a few more wins in them? Dunno! You make the call.

Zeroes across the board and minus 9 on the season. 

Ronde'. University of Alabama, Birmingham 23, Tulane 35. That's a win. Has anyone ever been to Birmingham, Alabama? Me neither. So ... I guess, YEAH, nice win, Ronde'. 1 for the win. Your total is zero. You're going to take a bath this season.

CCS. Oklahoma throttles Iowa State, 50 -20, in Norman. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. +2 from the AP. +4 on the weekend. +17 on the season. Wait, didn't this asshole, CCS, pick LAST in the BRFL draft? And he's tied for second place?! #12 AP. What the fuck is going on here, People?

I ain't got nothin' more ta say,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life.