BRFL Week 7 Results

Put on a happy face

Jimbosuke; Utah buries the Beavs 52-7. And why not? The Beavers suck this year. This is the PAC-12. But wait...there's more. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. 2 on the move up. +4 weekend. We have a new Big Cheese. +12 to take the lead. Zach Moss, 5 carries, 121 yards. Tyler Huntley, QBR of 99.4.

Timmy! Notre Dame 30, USC 27 in South Bend. Break out the wafers and the wine. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. It's +10 for the Irishmen and things are lookin' feckin' awesome for Teeblations.

Q; Oregon 45, Colorado 3. An absolute evisceration of the Buffs in Autzen Stadium. Shit be gettin' real for the Q. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. +3 weekend. +9 total and it's time to touch the Liberace in all the right places.

Rahndee; #20 Virginia Cavaliers 8 at Miami 17. Um, a big disaster. What in the hell happened here? Miami was 2 and 3 and this was a conference, divisional game. Don't you want to go to the conference championship, Rhandee? The AP blistered your bare buttocks and dropped you right the hell out of the poll. That's minus 5 on the way out and that's also known as a REAM!, Son. Which adds up to a nightmare minus 10 weekend and leaves you gasping for air as you go from +17 to +7. Mammy!

Komronovich; LSU 42, Florida 28 in Death Valley. Florida looked good in the first half. Yet, here we are. Have I mentioned that Joe Burrow is an Ohio State transfer? Minus 2 for a "good" loss. Subtract from your previous 8 and you are +6. Storm clouds gather for the 'BronieBro.

CCS; Sneaky. Fucker. Bama crushes TAMU 47 - 28. Jimbo Fisher has gone from a big deal to just another punching bag turd for the likes of Alabama. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. You are now at +5.

SeannieG:  Oklamoha 34 over Texas 27 in Austin. Intramural BRFL scrimmage. Why did Lincoln Riley's DC suck dog balls at TOSU but then turn a worse-than-ass Oklamoha defense into something resembling a quality defense (for the Big 12)? God's will? You believe that shit? What is wrong with you? 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. 1 for the move up. +3 weekend. You have +3.

Obama; Oklamoha 34, Texas 27.  The pain is harsh. The AP drops you 4. This is why we hate the AP. On the road, outranked (by the AP), beat up and you lose by one score. And you plunge 4. Seriously? Minus 4 on the weekend. You now have +3. No one said life was fair.

BroFro; Smart-ass, huh? Army takes a douching from the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers 17 - 8. My explanation: morale in the Armed Services at an all time low with a mullet-sporting, draft-dodging, orange blob of shit in the White House. But, hey. That's just me. You're so low you can't get lower. +3 forever, BFF.

McLovin; Clemson 45, Florida State 14. FSU is a joke program. This is common knowledge. Honestly? I think Clemson is in trouble. And so does the AP. 1 for the win, but you drop 1 so, again, in a recurrent theme, your weekend is a wash. Naught. And you stay at minus 1. Cruel suffering and painful death come for the Evil Doer. 

DPo; Wash State 34, Arizona State 38. What surprises me about this game is that the Wash State Cougs haven't quit playing even though they are led by a certified lunatic. Arizona State is good, they're ranked, you were on the road and you still almost got the "W". Meantime, all the while, your head coach was trying to reanimate a dead squirrel with a stick of butter and a car battery in the medical tent. That's player commitment. Alas, you have minus 1. Still.

SkHank; Stanford with the bye. Hopefully the geniuses at Stanford can engineer a brain transplant for the perpetually concussed Cardinal signal caller in the off week. If not? Show me the money, Skhanky Boy. You have minus 1.

Kitten; UCF with the bye week. Sad, sad bye week. Figure this shit out, okay? Or pay huge sums. You have minus 6 for God's sakes.

Snottie; #16 Meechy 42 over unranked, lowly Illinois 25. Listen, I'm pretty sure everybody knows how much Illinois sucks. Shea Patterson, no INTs (first game ever). But you put the ball on the ground, what, 3 times (including Shea). And Mister Big Deal Don Brown let Illinois score 25? What gives? Is it sucking? 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. No love from the AP. You have minus 4, Meechy Man.

And then there's SockPuppet. Minnesota 34 over visiting Nebraska 7. Minnesota. These fuckwads have an oar decal on their helmets to signify "rowing the boat". What the fuck is that about? But they buried you. Scott Frost suicide watch started three weeks ago. Insane Clown Posse. You have minus 7. I am really, really glad I'm not you. 

Jimbosuke,

Commissioner for Life