Bronies

While you were distracted by the usual Nick Saban/Crimson Tide weasel-fest I was alerted to a new and extremely dangerous threat to Our Way of Life.

They call themselves Bronies.

I happened upon this disturbing phenomenon while making my rounds at the jail. As you know, there are a lot of perverts in the county jail. Doesn't matter which county. Up here we have a lot of child molesters, rapists, recidivist drunks. We had a guy once, multiple DUIs, went to a bar on a rainy night in March on a horse. Picked up the drunkest girl he could find while her friends were in the bathroom. Convinced her to ride back with him (on the horse) to his place and tried to climb on her. Too late. Her friends showed up and beat the hell out of him, broke his arm, called the cops.

But this Bronie thing is different. It's fucked up. It's a whole sub-culture of grown men who make a fetish out of My Little Pony. And don't believe the shit you read in magazines like the Atlantic. That anyone would take their kid to a Bronie convention is, well, let's just say it's seriously questionable judgement. It seems like a lot of people knew about Bronies before I did. And, far from being totally creeped out about it and casting about for an ax handle to beat on any Bronie they could find, they wrote about it and kind of encouraged it. Like, "it's cool, don't worry. Bronies are just normal dudes."

Well, it's not cool, My People. It's deeply fucked up. And sure, there are probably "normal" straight Bronies that just happen to be really into a toy that was designed in the 1980s to appeal specifically to prepubescent girls. (I guess.) But there is also a subset of creepy little motherfuckers (like the one I "met" in the jail) who do some pretty awful things that I can't talk about and also, wow, hey - they just happen to be proud Bronies too. Coincidence? Look at that picture. Now tell me it's a coincidence.

They all look like this, by the way. Fat faced, chubby little troll-like freaks who are just unspeakably twisted. "Anti-social" just doesn't do the job, descriptively. "Hideous little scumbag who tricks the jail doctor into inspecting his bung hole for some fabricated anus malady" is a better description.
I didn't think that Bronie prank was funny.

And, yes, many Bronies are indeed gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. But if you're gay and you become a Bronie you've crossed a line because a lot of gay little Bronies do some pretty horrible stuff that can get you sent away for 3 to 5 and then make it necessary for you to register as a sex offender wherever you go, for the rest of our life.
Plenty of time to watch cartoons though.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life