Threat Level Remains 'High'

 Week 6 and Threat Level remains High after Shitagain guts Nebraska 45 - 7 in Memorial Stadium, Lincoln, Nebraska. 

"Was ist das?", with the Threat Level thing every week, you're asking yourselves. Because,  BRFLers, after two consecutive ass-kickings by That Team Up North, Meechy lives, rent-free, 24/7 in Commissioner Lance's head. And that's not just my problem. That's YOUR problem.

Read on for another masterly edition of Threat Level. 

Bringing it all back home, sub-heading 'The Donovan Edwards Problem', the genius behind Threat Level (Johnny Ginter), makes an obscure reference to D. Edwards' potential "Wally Pipp moment". 

Lance Herbstrong had to hit up the Google on that one and it brought me here. Cosmic. Eerily weird. And the second time Mr. Gehrig has appeared in a BRFL post this season. 

People, we're not even half-way through the season yet. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Wally Pipp

GG Week 5 Results

 

Oregon State Beavers 21 over Utah 7 in Corvallis. Some teams have a turn-over chain. Some have a turn-over throne. The Beavs have a turn-over chainsaw. 

LSU 49, Ole Miss 55. Joey Freshwater would not be outscored. Things look grim for Brian Kelly and the Tiggers. 

Notre Dame 21 @ Duke 14. Duke QB exits with high ankle sprain in third quarter. Sam Hartmann steps up huge downt the stretch. Teebs with the dub.

SockPuppet. 2 to go to 7. That's not great.

Lola. Only 1 this week. 9 total. 

BreauxFreaux. 2 to go to 8. Rounding into form.

Timmy! 1 to go to 5. You are in last place, ToolBelt. 

Snottie. 2 to go to 9. Making the hard choices.

DPo. 1 to go to 10. Slipping a bit.

Chiba. 1 to go to 8. Meh.

Q. 1 to go to 12. Share of the lead.

McLovin. A little back-story here. Lovin was within millimeters of betting the ranch this week. He came right up the line and then ... no. I have to admit, I discouraged him. Seemed a little early. Yet ... alas. McLovin with the SWEEP! Oh, what might have been. Still, 5 to go to 12. Share of the lead. 

'Bo$$uke. Again turns his back on his Beavers. 1 to go to 7. Fucking awful.

KBron. Ole Miss comes through. 2 to go to 6.

DogTheBountyHunter. 2 to go to 8. If only he'd grabbed some Beaver. 

Ronde'. Strong performance. 2 to go to 10.

CCS. 1 to go to 8. Time to focus, CCS.

That's it.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life
 

GG Week 6 Games

 

Oklahoma (#12 AP) @ Texas (#3). The Red River Rivalry. The Cotton Bowl, Dallas, TX. Noon Saturday on ABC. Chip vs SockPuppet.

Alabama (#11) @ Texas A&M (unranked). College Station, TX. 3:30 PM, CBS.

Kentucky (#20) @ Georgia (#1), in Athens, GA. 7 PM, ESPN

Time to roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 4 Results

 The Commissioner is very busy. 

 So here is the down and dirty from Week 4.

Sock. Texas bullies Baylor 38 - 6 in Waco, or where ever. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. 16 on the year. Still the Leader.

Lola. Bye week. AP says, "fuck you" anyway and drops you minus 1. Minus ten on the season.

Breaux. WVU numb-skulls drop TTech 20 - 13. Shaping up as a horrible pick, BroFro. Naught. +1.

Timmy! Ohio State 17, ND 14. AP has a Domer Boner, only drops you 2. +9 on the year. Disgraceful.

Snottie. Oregon destroys Colorado 42 - 6 @ home. Ducks are legit. +14 on the season. Knock, knock, knock, SockPuppet. 

DPo. Wisco shit-cans Purdue on the road, 38 - 17 blow out. Badgermania. Minus 7.

ChibaStoned. Florida State hands Clemson the L, 31 - 24. It just keeps getting worse. God. Minus 21.

Q. USC 42 - 28, USC gets the dub on the road vs Arizona State. Big deal. The AP dropped your ass 3 for this 'win'. You have 0 (zero) on the season. Congrats.

McLovin. Ohio State 17, ND 14 in South Bend. It's just Ohio against a world full of retards. Minus 3.

$$uke. Wazzu 38, Beavers 35. Does Oregon State suck? Dunno?! Probably find out this week, Lesbians. +5.

KBron. Ole Miss loses to fucking Alabama, 24 - 10 in Tugmysausage. AP paddles your ass, KMan. You come to rest at +8.

DTBH. KSU 44 over UCF 31. UCF does not suck soooo, good job, Rimmer. Minus 9. 

Ronde'. Tulane 36 over 'Nicholls' 7, at home. Okay, like, what the fuck is 'Nicholls'? Did Tulane play a department store? I hate you so much. Minus 1 on the season, Nicholls Vanquisher. 

CCS. Oklahoma 20 over lowly Cincinnatti 6. BFD, ToolBelt. Insanely, the AP moves you up 2 for this cluster-fuck. You have +13 and I resent the hell out of you. Liberace.

We're not friends.

Fuck off.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Threat Level

 

Threat level remains high after week 4.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 5 Games

 It's time to step it up, People. Some of you are going to need these GG points.

Utah Utes (#10) @ Oregon State Beavers (#19), Friday 9/29, 9 PM on FS1, in Corvallis, Ore. Utah looking for a seat at the CFP table, Oregon State just trying to keep a little Beaver in the game. 

LSU (#13) @ Ole Miss (#20), Saturday, 9/30, 6 PM on ESPN. Lola on Komronovich violence. LSU could become irrelevant with the 'L' but KBron is flirting with a REAM. Someone's gonna' hurt someone on Saturday night.

Notre Dame (#11) @ Duke (#17), Saturday, 9/30, 7:30 PM. Normally the Domers would just devour Duke. But, Timmy!? A lot of gas went out of The Fightin' Irish bag last weekend. 

Somebody with real guts would be thinking "bet the ranch weekend" looking at these games. 

But it's entirely your call. I can't do it for you.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 4 Results

 

Alabama wakes up and dumps the Rebs in Tuscaloosa. 24 - 10, Satan over Joey Freshwater.

What started as a blow-out turned into a tight game. Cougars over Beavers, 38 - 35 in Pullman, WA.

Green jerseys, green pants, green shoes. Touchdown Jesus still sings The Blues. Ohio State 17 - Notre Dame 14 in South Bend, Indiana. 

"I'd like to know where Lou Holtz is right now."

It was Lady's Night.

SockPuppet. 1 to go to 5. All you have is the Tide. 

Lola. SWEEP! 5 to go to 8. Making a move.

Breaux. 2 to go to 6. Beaver got him in trouble.

Timmy! 1 to go to 4. Beavs and Domers spell doom for Teeblations. 

Snottie. 2 to go to 7. Burned by the Beaver. 

DPo. 2 to go to 9. Catholics bust up your sweep.

ChibaChews. 2 to go to 7. Beaver. Beaver. Beaver. You need to up your game.

Q. SWEEP!  5 to go to 11. We have a new Leader.

McLovin. 2 to go to 7. Beavered.

'Bo$$uke. 2 to go to 6. Misses the sweep on the traitor move.

KBron. 1 to go to 4. Not your week.

DogTheBountyHunter. 2 to go to 6. Shot down by Beaver.

Ronde. 1 to go to 8. Sucked this week. Abysmal performance.

CCS. 2 to go to 7. Couldn't say 'no' to Beaver and it cost him.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 3 Results

 "Brevity is the soul of wit', to quote the Bard. Thus, the Commissioner's remarks will be brief.

Sockpuppet's Texas Longhorns get into a nasty tussle in Austin with the perpetually horny Wyoming Cowboys until the 'Horns pull away 31 - 10. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, AP moves Texas up 1, +3 on the weekend and Sock remains the Leader in the clubhouse with +14.

Lola. LSU cock-whips Mississippi State 41 - 14 on the road and gets 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +2 AP love, +4 on the weekend, scratching and clawing to a still unrespectable minus 9. Awful. 

BreauxFreaux goes out and finds some team from 'Tarleton State' and Texas Tech beats the shit out of them 41 - 3. Call me a dumb-ass but there are 50 states and none of them are named 'Tarleton'. 

Fuck you, Bro. 

1 point for the win. +1 on the year. 

Timmy!. Notre Dame puts the wood to Central Michigan 41 - 17. 

Okay. 

1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, but no move up in the AP because nobody should give up 17 to Central Michigan. +11 total. Maybe get a linebacker to make up an on-line girlfriend to take the focus off your impending apocalypse.

Snottie. Oregon hosts Hawaii for a ritual sacrifice to the tune of 55 - 10, Ducks. Yet...the AP showers love. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. +3 AP Love 5 point weekend puts the Snotter at +11.

DPo. Georgia Southern gets pushed around by Wisco at Camp Randall 35 - 14. Not sure how to feel about this 'win'. Deeps gets +1 for the win and fuck-all else. The 'Po sits at minus 8 on the season.

ChibaChews. Who the hell is 'Florida Central'? Dunno'! But Clemson beat the crap out of them 48 - 14. This seems like probably Clemson's ceiling. Fuck off, Dabo. +1 for the win. Minus 21 for the Cheebster.

Q. Bye week. Total pussy move. 1 for the no drop. Q and USC at +2 on the season. You've got to be fucking kidding me. 

McLovin. Ohio State dismantles Western Kentucky U 63 -10 in The Shoe. Defense rises up. 2 sacks, 8 TFLs, 2 INTs, 2 fumble recoveries, a pick six, 12 points. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, still...no AP love. The Lovin is floundering at minus 7. 

I smell fear in South Bend.

Jimbo$$uke. The Beavers beat up perennial power house San Diego State 29 -9. Uhhhh...1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and, (what?!?!) +2 AP Love to reach +10 on the season. I'm loving me some Beaver!

KBron. Ole Miss dismisses Georgia Tech with a 49 - 23 whuppin'. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +2 AP hugs and Ole Miss sits at +13 on the season. 

DogTheBountyHunter. KSU loses on the road to Missouri, 27 - 30, as the Thiccer Kicker nails the 61 yd walk-off FG. Tragedy strikes DTBH. The AP piles on. A screaming, crying, praying to God power plunge out of the poll equals minus 10 but, hey, what the fuck? Let's throw in an AP REAM! for minus 5 more. Minus 15 on the weekend. DTBH goes from +5 to minus 10, just like that. 

Mercy is for the weak. 

Ronde'. Tulane dumps Southern Mississippi 21 - 3 on the road. In some other galaxy this game might have some meaning. 1 for the win. The Green Wave treads water at minus 2.

CCS. Oklahoma destroys the Tulsa Golden Hurricanes 66 -17 on the road. Tulsa is never a bad team. Is there something going on in Norman? Like, that I don't know about? AP thinks so. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. +3 from the AP. +5 weekend. CCS has +9 and he wants more, Bitches. 

I see a major shake-up coming this weekend. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Results

 Kansas State let us down.

Kansas State 27, Missourri 30. The Thiccer Kicker nails the walk-off game winning FG from 61 yds out. 

Syracuse hands it out to the Boilers in West Lafayette. 35 - 20, Orangemen. 

West VIrginia U dumps Pitt in Morgantown, 17 - 6 in the Backyard Brawl. 

SockPuppet, "O" fer. Naught into naught equals naught. Stay at 4.

Lola. Called the Syracuse game right. 1 to go to 3.

Breaux. Ditto. 1 to go to 4.

Timmy!. 1 to go to 3.

Snottie. Power surge. 2 to go to 5.

DPo. 1 to go to 7. Shares the lead. 

ChibaChew. 2 to go to 5. Making a move?

Q. 2 to go to 6. Bringing out my insecurities.

McLovin. 2 to go to 5. Unacceptable from this perennial GG doormat. 

Jimbo$$uke. 1 to go to 4. What the absolute FUCK?!

KBron. 1 to go to 3. Thanks for being worse than me.

DogTheBountyHunter. 1 to go to 4. I feel your pain, Brother. 

Ronde'. 1 to go to 7. Shares the lead. Earns my enmity.

CCS. 2 to go to 5. Not sure what to think about your sorry ass. 

Lance Herbstong

Commissioner for Life

Threat Level

 Week 4.

JJ McCarthy damages his September Heisman campaign but the Threat Level remains HIGH.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 4

 Early season monster weekend. 

Ole Miss (#15) @ Alabama (#13) in Tuscaloosa, AL. 3:30 PM, CBS. The Tide has looked, well, bad. But this is their season on the line, at home. A cornered squirrel is a dangerous squirrel. SEC Cage-Match. 

Oregon State (#14) @ Washington State (#19), Beavers pull in to Pullman, WA. 7 PM, FOX. Northwest-on-northwest violence pitting two future PAC-12 orphans against each other in a surprisingly relevant contest. 

Ohio State Buckeyes (#6) @ Notre Dame Fighting Irish (#9), 7:30 ABC, in South Bend, IN. Shit-talk pours forth from beneath the Golden Dome. Does that scrappy little leprechaun fucker have his way with Brutus? Or do the Bucks put a foot in the Pope's ass?

You make the call. 

Roll the bones, Brothers and Sisters,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 2 Results

 BRFL Week 2.

The Week of the Ream.

Quinn Ewers and the Longhorns slay Satan IN TUSCALOOSA 34 - 24. It doesn't get much more satisfying than this. Schadenfreude rules in Austin as SockPuppet gets 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, a monstrous +7 on the move up for a subtotal of +9 and a grand total of +11. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our Leader and his name is The Puppet Master. 

Lola and LSU get to whup up on an HBU as Brian Kelly (who is more white than Brian?) and LSU destroy Grambling 72 - 10. Want my opinion? Fuck you, you're getting it anyway. Brian Kelly is a douche and LSU is not very good. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. +2 for the subtotal, minus 13 on the season. 

Texas Tech takes Oregon to the wire but loses 38 -30. Texas Tech is not a bad football team but they have horrible luck. The Bro feels sadness. Zeroes across the board. Zero on the season.

Timmy! Notre Dame is for real. The Paddies romp 45 - 24 over NC State and it wasn't that close. 

1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +1 on the move up to #9 in the AP and Teeblations sits at +9 in the BRFL. 

Snottie. Oregon sneaks by TTech 38 -30. Okay, the game was in Lubbock. But the Ducks needed a 20 point fourth stanza and a lucky pick six to seal the deal. Worrisome? Ch'yeah! 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, no AP love, the Snot has +6 on the season. 

DPo. Wisconsin inexplicably shits themselves in Pullman and loses to Washington State 31 - 22. Is Washington State really good? Dunno! 

But Deeps gets the REAM! Minus 5 on the weekend as Wisco exits the AP. I  missed it earlier but DPo confessed that, since he started the week at #19, he picked up another minus 6 on the way down. It was a bad week; minus 11. That puts the 'Po at minus 3 on the year. 

ChibaChews. Dumbo Swinney and his dildos from down south blister Charleston Southern to the tune of 66 -17. Proving absolutely nothing and the AP takes note. Rarely have I seen a team hang 60+ on another team, get a win (even if it's over retards) and then get the REAM! from the AP. For once I salute the Associated Press Poll. Parenthetically, Tulane started the week at #24 AP so let's tack on another minus 1 for the trip out of the poll.

Chiba finds himself dwelling in BRFL sub-hell at minus 22. 

Q. USC kicks the living shit out of Stanford 56 -10 at home. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop and the AP gives +1 Love for a subtotal of +3 and a grand total of +1 on the season. It's just a shame that Henry isn't around to own Stanford and be losing a lot of cash. 

McLovin. Ohio State 35, Youngstown State 7, a snoozer in The Shoe. 

Ohio State (on offense) has a putrid 30% third down conversion rate (25% on 3rd and 1 - 3 yards). That's really bad. The defense has only given up 10 points in 2 games but their opponents have converted on 3rd down 40% of the time, which puts the Bucks at 73rd in the country. That's not very good either. 

The AP is not impressed. 1 for the win, but -1 on the drop. Naught for the weekend. Minus 9 on the season. Things are not working out for McLuv. 

Jimbo$$uke. Representin' the Beaver! Oregon State violates UC Davis 55 - 7. In Corvallis (hey, it's UC Davis. Can't be too careful). 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. +6 on the season. Keep hope alive for 'Bo$$uke, may the angels stroke his flowing mane.

Komronovich. Ole Miss took a little trip to New Orleans. Ole Miss 37, Tulane 24. This was a big game for Tulane. For Ole Miss, business as usual. Road win over a ranked opponent. The future is bright in Oxford. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. AP is noticing the Rebs, +3 on the move up to #17. On the week, +5. On the year, +9. This is why Ole Miss was on everyone's short list.

DogTheBountyHunter. Kansas State thumps Troy 42 - 13. For some reason this game made the Dog nervous. Not sure why. Troy is always kind of good. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. +5 on the season. Lighten up, Dog. 

Ronde'. Ole Miss is too much for Tulane, even in New Orleans, as the Green Wave gets washed, 37 - 24. AP hands El Ronde' the REAM!.   Parenthetically, Tulane started the week at #24 AP so let's tack on another minus 1 for the trip out of the poll, shall we? Minus 6 on the week to arrive at minus 4 on the season. 

CCS. Oklahoma doesn't exactly trample the Ponies. OU 28 - SMU 11. 1 for the win but the AP is not impressed and drops the Sooners minus 1. +4 on the season. 

Until next week...

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3

 

GG Week 3.

It's Monday, September 11. 

Fast forward to Saturday, September 16th. It's the third week of the college football season (no, Fuckers, I am not counting that screwball 'week zero' thing). There has been next to nothing but murder for hire pay-day games on your TV guide screen all day and it's now almost noon and, if you're like me, you've been drinking for awhile. 

What to do?

The Commissioner for Life to the rescue with ... GG Week 3 Games:

Not today, Bitch.

Kansasa State (#15 AP) @ Missouri. DTBH pucker factor? 7 out of 10. Noon on the SECNetwork. Start with beer and something high carb but get some protein in there too. Put down a base. Meat lover's pizza?! Yessssss.

Syracuse @ Purdue. 7:30 on NBC. Keep it local. Keep it fresh. Maybe a snapping crisp crudite platter? "Honey, would you like to share some fresh veggies from the Farmer's Market with me? Maybe there's a 'Hallmark' on. Oh, wait, this is a REALLY good game." E for effort. And V for gettin' your veggie on. You're eating healthy. And you're switching to wine. Grapes are fruit.

Is that game boring as shit? Ch'yeah, maybe!?! But, again, the Commish is THERE 4 U. Pittsburgh @ West Virginia U. Rust Belt vs Retards! Who doesn't want to watch that game? 7:30 on ABC. 

Channel surf, Anyone? You're hitting the hard stuff by the second quarter and no one, NO ONE, is going to fault you because these games are lame as fuck and we all know it.

Is there anything in this god damned refrigerator I can even make a sandwich with or what?

I, personally, cannot fucking WAIT for this weekend. 

Roll the bones, My People!

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Threat Level. Week Three.

Threat level. Week 3. 

Some posts don't need any of the Commissioner's nonsense.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2 Results

 Week 2, GG.

Ole Miss 37, Tulane 20 in New Orleans. Tulane QB1 is a scratch for this one and the game is tight, tight, tight. Enormous Dlineman Jared Ivey's scoop and score puts it away. 

Hard to imagine sombody doesn't get REAMED for this.

You're fucked too, Jimbo.

Jimbo Fisher hauls his army of mercenarys to Hard Rock Stadium and gets pasted by the Hurricanes. Miami 48 - TAMU 33 as Tyler Van Dyke lights up the Aggies for 374 through the air. Bobby Petrino genius play caller not so much.

Texas 34 - Alabama 24, in Tuscaloosa. For Alabama this is a bad, bad loss. They're lucky that ESPN is still blacked out. You're lucky too because you didn't have to watch Matthew Maconaughry miked-up and acting like an asshole on the sidelines for ESPN. Texas may make SockPuppet rich beyond his wildest dreams. 

Sock, 2 to go to 4. Jimbo Fisher.

Lola, rolls a zero. 2 total.

BroFro, 1 to go to 3. 

Timmy!, rolls a zero. Total 2. You'll always have last year, Teebs.

Snottie, 1 to go to 3.

DPo, 1 to make 6, still tied for the GG lead.

Chiba Chews, 1 to make 3.

Q, 2 to go to 4. Picked Tulane.

McLovin, 2 to go to 3.

Jimbo$$uke, 1 to go to 3.

KBron, 1 to make 2. Stumbling out of the gate this year.

DTBH, 1 to go to 3.

Ronde' 1 to make 6, tied for the top spot.

CCS 2 to go to 3. Betrayed by the Tide.  

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life