BRFL Week 3 Results

 Week 3. Still not sure about any of these teams. 

Q: BYU Mormons. Bye week. Yawn. Nothing plus nothing. Stay at +5 and unranked. 

Chiba Chews: Boise State Broncos. Also a Bye week. It's not so much a question of 'do they suck?'. It's more, 'when do we know for sure that they suck?' 

Zeroes across the board. Remain at minus 4 and unranked as hell. Lots of work to do here, Dippy.

DogTheBountyHunter: 24 -16, the road win against ... Arkansas State. AP thought this was kind of a big deal (why?). 1 for the win, 2 for the move up to #12, a no drop point, 4 on the week, new total is 17 and that's pretty damn good. However, this is a Big12 Team and who the fuck knows with that conference?

 

Lola. 34 -14, the ritual sacrifice of Northwestern, in Evanston. Everybody knows that Northwestern has been a shell of themselves since they dumped Pat Fitzgerald and stopped hazing, so the AP docks the Ducks minus 2. L-woman doesn't pick up the no drop point. So, for a road win that was kind of an ass-kicking, she gets minus 1 on the week and drops to +2 on the year, #6 AP.

No justice, no peace.

Ronde': Tennessee hosts Georgia. It is a hell of a game. Back and forth they go. We've covered this in GG. Tennessee loses 41 - 40 in overtime after an epic fail by their kicker. 

That's what you get when you violate child labor laws. 

Up top here is a gif of the Georgia Tech kicker (an adult) laying Clemson to rest with a 55 yard post-splitter from the logo, on 4th down with no time outs, as the clock ticks to zero. I think his foot actually hits the ball with 1 second on the clock. So, kicking under pressure CAN be done. 

Here's the thing; The AP saw Tennessee vs Georgia as a tie, basically. Tennessee doesn't move in the poll (still #15) and El Ronde' picks up the no drop point. Ends the week with 14 total. Never seen that before. 

DPo: Are you shitting me? Nebraska mauls some school called 'Houston Christian' (fun campus), 59 - 7. That's like Ohio State playing Grambling State only, somehow, a little more fair since it's Nebraska. You get one for this. Total 6 and you are still unranked. 

A chance for your men to prove themselves this week. 

SockPuppet: Texas A&M bests Notre Dame 41 - 40 in SouthBend. This was a great game but it's starting to look like Notre Dame doesn't have a defense. Why do teams keep hiring Chris Ash to run their defense? He is not very good. Anyway. Good news for Sock. 1 for the win, buckets of AP love (6) and no drop adds up to 8 on the week, a season total of 15 and #10 in the AP. Nice. 

KBro: SMU pushes Missouri State around, 28 -10 on the road. 1 for the win. Move up to minus 12. Ponies are still unranked. It could be worse.

$$uke: Sun Devils entertain the Texas State Bobcats. Trounce them 34 - 15. (Their two TDs came when the game was out of reach). The AP is totally unimpressed. 1 for the win. $$uke remains at the bottom of the ocean, minus 17 and unranked. 'Zona State defense improved, offense still seems lost. 

Psycho: The fighting Illini molest Western Meechy 38 -0, in Champaign, and the Bert Bielema train keeps a rollin'. Just one for the win, 1 for the no drop, new total is 9, AP rank is #9. Show down with the Hoosiers this week.

Timmy! LSU dumps a floundering Florida eleven at home, 20 -10. Everybody now knows that LSU can't run the football. Brian Kelly goes full Brian Kelly with a purple-face assault on a reporter who dared to bring this up. You've all seen it. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, total is 10 on the season, still #3 AP.

McLovin: Alabama pounds Wisconsin in Tuscaloosa, 38 - 14. I guess this is a big deal. The AP thought so. 1 for the win, 5 from the AP (5?), 1 for the no drop, +7 on the week, minus 5 on the season. I smell 'comeback'. Alabama is #14 AP.

Big Dom: On the road against Wyoming, the Utes down the Cowboys 31 - 6. A quality road win (I guess) and the AP loves it. 1 for the win, 4 for the move up to #16 AP, 1 for the no drop, 6 on the week and Big Dom is in the lead with 22 already. Which pisses me off.

BreauxFreaux: Memphis on the road against Troy. Get the 'W' (28 -7) and get out. 1 for the win. Total 6. Still unranked. Is there a meaningful game on the schedule? You'd better hope so, Breaux. 

That's it for Week 3. See also the spread sheet which is correct.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 4 Games

 Wait...what's this?! Conference games??

Week 4. GG.

All Saturday games.

(#17) Texas Tech at (#16) Utah Utes, noon, FOX, Rice Eccles Stadium, Salt Lake City.

(#21) Michigan at (unranked) Nebraska, 3:30, CBS Paramount, Lincoln, Nebraska.

(#9) Illinois at (#19) Indiana, 7:30, NBC, Memorial Stadium, Bloomington, Indiana.

Roll the bones for The Boss.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Results

 No sweeps. The Commissioner is doing his job.

Week 3 GG Results.

Arizona 23, Kansas State 17, in Tempe. What the hell happened to Kansas State? They were supposed to be legit contenders for the Big 12 crown and people were talking about Avery Johnson winning the Heisman. This is how desperate K State is: their last three possessions of the second half ended in turn overs on downs (they also had two of those in the first half, just for fun). They asked their kicker to boot it through from 47, 48 and 62 yards (he missed all three). Avery Johnson stat line: 13 for 29 for 88 yards and no touchdowns. QBR? 11.9 (that's not good).

Arizona is 3 - 0. Running back Jemail Mahdi gains 189 on 22 totes and 32 more on 2 receptions.

Georgia 44, Tennessee 41, in Knoxville, in OT. With 7 seconds left in regulation, the Vols have the ball on the UGA 20 yard line. The 20! Third and 5 with a time out in their pocket, ball on the left hash. They can run a play to put the ball in the center of the field, call time out and walk out and kick it through for the 'W'.

But.

Some dumbass goes off sides. Now it's 3rd and 10 at the UGA 25. Still on the left hash. Fuck it, out trots 14 year old Max Gilbert, who proceeds to miss the right goal post by about 20 yards and it's overtime and it's over for Tennessee. 

To live is to suffer.

How things have changed in College Station.

SockPuppet. We called him crazy. 

Texas A&M waltzes into South Bend and sticks it to the Domers in a wild one, a shoot out, a barn-burner, whatever you want to call it. In GG, only SockPuppet and Psycho had The Faith and picked TAMU. Did I mention there were no sweeps?

Texas A&M 41, Notre Dame 40.

Q: 1. Lame. Total 8, Limpy.

Chiba: 1. 4 total. You suck.

DTBH: 0. Gutterball 4 U. 6 total.

Lola. 2. Nice try. You have 4.

Ronde'. 1. Total 7. Disaster weekend.

DPo. 1. Total 2. So pathetic.

SockPuppet. 2. Total 5. Negative thoughts.

KBro. 1. Total 5. Suicide watch.

$$uke. 1. Oh, fucking COME ON! Total 4.

Psycho. 1. Total 4. Don't like you.

Teebs. 2. Total 8. Go around acting like you know what you're doing, Tool.

McLovin. 1. Total 5. I don't know you, if anybody asks.

Big Dom. 2. Total 6. Whatever. 

BreauxFreaux. 1. You have 5. Get a check up.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 2 Results

 Rolling through Week 2 and already some picks look shaky.

I sent you the spread sheet in your email. The way the sheet reads is a little different from last week; Under 'AP' you read 1 point for a win or 0 for a loss, plus whatever the AP gave or took away from you. If you got the REAM (like Komron and I did) I have added minus 5 to the score and the REAM column lit up. The last column is your updated AP rank.

I would have handled a DIDDLE the same way but nobody got one so ha, ha, ha, Buttholes. 

Q: BYU whups up on Stanford. Possibly because Stanford sucks. And it was a home game for the Utah Cultists. Whatever. No AP love. No diddle. Nothing but 1 lousy. Point. 5 total. Still unranked. 

ChibaChews; Boise State with the whoop-ass on East Washington U. Big fucking deal. You get one for that and now you have minus 4. You and Q had the first two picks in the draft. Way to go.

DogTheBountyHunter: The Iowa State Cyclones are officially the team to beat in the Big 12. They hand Kirk Ferentz the Fraud a nice 'L' in Ames. Thought it would be more of a blow out. Oh well. They get the CyHawk Trophy. DTBH gets 4 and has 13 on the season. 

Ronde': The Vols take an explosive shit on East Tennessee State, 72 - 17. Are the Vols really good? Guess we'll find out. The AP thinks so, goosing them with a 7 point climb. Fucking Ronde' has 13 now. I feel sick. 

DPo: Nebraska obliterates Akron 72 -17. The 'Po still pining for that elusive diddle. AP says, 'hell no'. Still unranked but you've got 5 points. 

SockPuppet. Texas A&M toys with Utah State. 44 - 22 the final. AP love +3. 5 on the week. This pick is working out and you have 7 and just fuck you. 

KBro. Holy Mother of Christ, what the hell just happened?! SMU loses to Baylor (who looked like shit last week, by the way) in double overtime and gets absolutely gang-raped by the AP. REAM! Minus 8 on the way out, plus the ream for minus 13 on the weekend. That's also your total, Mr. Pick-Up-A-Second-Job. Minus 13.

$$uke. Speaking of getting corn-holed, Arizona State takes the 'L', in Starkville, from lowly Mississippi State. So much wrong with this Sun Douche team. The QB looks lost. They apparently have only one receiver. Their secondary actually is lost. Totally. The coaching sucks. Kenny Dillingham has morphed from river-boat gambler into total pussy. Minus 13 on the way out the door and add minus 5 for the REAM! and $$uke is this year's bottom-feeding mud puppy. 

Minus 18 on the year.

Psycho. Bert Bielema has the Fighting Illini hitting on all cylinders. Illinois beats up on basketball-centric Duke, 45 - 19. 2 from the AP for that schmegma. 7 on the season for Illinois.

Timmy!: A lackluster licking of Louisiana Tech by LSU, 25 - 7 the final. Still, Teebs has the #3 team in the land and Brian Kelly might be able to achieve an erection if this keeps up. 8 on the year for Teeblations.

 McLovin: Alabama carpet bombs Louisiana Monroe 73 - 0 but the AP is not fooled. A measly 2 on the move up. Nobody believes what's-his-name has his shit together as the head coach of the Tide. Your future has 'L's around every corner, FartSmeller. Minus 12 on the year. Don't call me.

Big Dom: Well, lah-dee-dah. Utah seal-clubs Cal Poly 63 - 9 at home. CAL POLY?! For the love of God, the AP buys into this bullshit and moves the Utes up 5 places. The stupidity. 7 on the week, total 16, you have the lead, Serial Masturbator. 

BreauxFreaux and the puzzling Memphis pick. A 'W', 38 - 16, over Georgia State, that's true. But does anybody give a shit? Not the AP. They say, 'Pound sand up your ass, Breaux'. 5 on the year. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2 Results

 GG rolls on. Week 2.

Not today, Sharon.

Oklahoma 24, Michigan 13 in Norman and it wasn't that close. John Mateer runs through the Maize and Blue like shit through a tin horn. 

Sharon More's ploy to neuter his weak-ass suspension craps out. You're up, Biff Poggi. Your record at Charlotte was ass, but maybe you at least know how to manage the clock. Sharon apparently doesn't. Justice Haynes eyes the transfer portal. 

I expected a beat-down. But I got Iowa State Cyclones 16, Iowas 13. A strange and not terribly exciting game in Ames. Kirk Ferentz continues to be over paid for under performing. You may hate Ohio State but 'Dumb and Beautiful' is a lot of fun, if you've got the time.  

Well, that sucked. Arizona State goes down to The Wasteland and loses to lowly Mississippi State, 24 - 20. Up by 3 with 30 ticks on the clock and the Bulldogs on the Sun Devil 48 yard line, Arizona State is in man to man. Sounds reasonable. Three wide to the right. The middle and the widest receiver cross. Happens all the time. But the DB who has the wide man, for just a second, forgets its man to man and thinks about picking up the crosser. Blake Shappen puts it right on his Bulldog and it's lights out for 'Zona State. 

More Cow Bell. 

Q: SWEEP! 5 to go to 7. Take the lead.

Chiba: 2. Total 3.

DTBH: SWEEP! 5 to make 6. Copied Q's picks.

Lola: 1. Total 2. Head injury?

Ronde'. SWEEP! 1 to make 6. Must have changed your meds.

DPo. 0. Total 1. Why not just quit now?

Sock. 2 to make 3. Big deal.

KBro. 2 to make 4. Uh-huh.

$$uke. 2 to reach 3. Shitty.

Psycho. 1 to get to 3. Michigan?

Teebs. SWEEP! 5 to get 6. Hotcha-cha.

McLovin. 2 to reach 4. Not a big deal.

Big Dom. 2 to get 4. Nothing to write home about.

BroFro. 2 to total 4. You don't suck. Yet.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Games

 Slim pickings again this week. Maybe boring. Or not.

Week 3.

Friday Night:

Unranked Kansas State @ unranked Arizona, in Tucson, 9 PM, Fox.

Saturday games:

#6 Georgia @ #15 Tennessee, Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, TN. 3:30 ABC.

#16 Texas A&M @ # 8 Notre Dame, South Bend, Indiana, 7:30 PM on the 'cock, NBC.

Roll the bones, BRFLers.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2

 GG Week 2 Games.

All games September 6.

Iowa Hawkeyes @ Iowa State Cyclones. Kirk Ferentz journeys to Ames where he very well may get the beating of a lifetime in Jack Trice Stadium. Noon. FOX.

Michigan Wolverines @ Oklahoma Sooners. It's 'let's see who's for real time' in Norman. 7:30 PM, ABC.

Arizona State Sun Devils with a journey to Starkville and a tussle with the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Not sure if either team is anything but "meh". 7:30. ESPN2

After last weeks hosing, expect a laser focus on GG from McLovin from here on out. 

Roll them bones.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 1 Results

"Wow" indeed, Hugh.

 Auburn dumps Baylor in Waco, 38 - 24. Oklahoma Portal Boy, Jackson Arnold, throws for a puny 108 but gallops for 137, and 2 TDs, on 16 totes.

Ohio State makes things difficult for Farch Manning. Buckeyes 14, Longhorns 7. Matthew McConaughey takes another 'L'.

LSU lets the gas out of Dabo in Clemson, SC, 17 - 10. LSU defense has got it going on. This game was doomed for Clemson as soon as ESPN, or FOX, or whatever, decided to devote 10 or 15 minutes of air-time to the embarrassing spectacle of a bunch of gigantic football players, in full uniform, ritually cramming their asses onto giant buses, then driving to the other side of their own stadium, all so that they could run down a hill led by their weird-ass coach. 

Q: 2. So close.

Chiba: 1. Low T.

DogTBH: 1. Fook 'em.

Lola: 1. Vag spasm.

Ronde': 1. Scrote.

DPo: 1. Loser.

Sock: 1. Deep dive turd.

KBro: 2. Almost.

$$uke. 1. Retard.

Psycho. 2. Tried hard.

Teebs. 1. Dorkmeister.

McLovin. 2. WTF!? Unexpected.

Big Dom. 2. Solid.

BroFro. 2. Strong.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL 'Week Zero' Results

 Farmageddon.

Just to be an asshole, DogTheBountyHunter decided to get a jump on the season and play a game during Week Zero. Why do they allow Week Zero? Who are 'they', even?

Fuck off. I don't know the answers to these questions. 

In an effort to make the game look as disorganized and sloppy as possible, Iowa State and Kansas State played their game in Ireland, a country renowned for its crisp, warm and sunny late summer days. 

It pissed down rain for most of the game. Both teams lost two fumbles. The K State quarterback's DAD and his other son (maybe he has more than two sons, how the hell would I know that?) ended up trying to beat each others brains out in a giant puddle outside of Aviva Stadium in Dublin fucking Ireland. Nobody knows why, and they said they're sorry. For being classic American football fans? That's not something to say you're 'sorry' about, Douchebags. Where's your pride? Are you fucking communists now? You got in a giant puddle, take-him-to-the-ground, sumbitch fight in Dublin after your son and brother lost to the Iowa State Cyclones in something called 'The Aer Lingus Classic'. That's awesome. Hold your heads up high, Brothers.

Incidentally, in Gaelic, Aer Lingus means, 'Feather my bung'.

I mention this whole fucking covfefe because DogTBH earned +1 last weekend while the rest of us were masturbating and thinking, however briefly, about the first GG slate of games.

No new AP Poll came out after week zero so Doggie just gets one point.   

DTBH heads into Week 1 with +1.

Get the hell out of here now.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

Season 18 GG; week 1

 Week 1.

Auburn Tigers @ Baylor Bears, 8/29 in Waco, TX. FOX network at 8 PM. Friday night game.

Texas Longhorns (#1) @ Ohio State (#3), 8/30, Columbus, Ohio. FOX at noon. 

LSU Tigers (#9) @ Clemson Tigers (#4), 8/30, Clemson, SC. ABC at 7:30 PM.

1 for each win, 5 for the Sweep.

Roll the bones, My People.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Season Eighteen

 

And, once again, we're underway! 

Season 18 begins. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Season 18, Draft Order

 The AP Poll has dropped.

It is available for your perusal on ESPN digital.

Here is the Draft Order:

1. Q: Unranked BYU Cougars. Starting off the season at +3.

2. Chiba: Boise State Broncos. AP #25. Start at zero.

3. DawgTBH: AP #22, the Iowa State Cyclones. Start at zero. 

4. Lola: AP #7, the Oregon Ducks for Lola. Start at minus 4.

5. Ronde': AP #24 Tennessee Volunteers. Start at zero. 

6. DPo: Unranked Nebraska Cornhuskers. Starts off at +3. Respect.

7. SockPuppet: AP #19, Texas A&M. Starts at zero.

8. KBro: AP #16, SMU Mustangs. Starts at zero.

9. $$uke: AP #11, Arizona State Sun Devils. Starts at zero. 

10. Psycho: AP #12, Illinois Fighting Illini. Starts off at zero.

11. Timmy!: AP #9, LSU Tigers. Starts off at minus 2.

12. McLovin: AP #8, Alabama Crimson Tide. Starts at minus 3.

13. Big Dom: Unranked Utah Utes. Starting the season at plus 3.

14. Breaux Freaux: Unranked Memphis Tigers. Whoa. Starts the season at plus 3.

Let's see what you've got, Bitches.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

The Living Document : 2025 Edition

 Brothers and Sisters,

As I do every year, I have updated The Living Document and I am sending each of you a copy to your email account. This year's copy incorporates the changes that have been made, including The Multiplier.

Happy gambling,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Jamoboree 2025

 Brothers and Sisters,

Sadly, there will be no BRFL Jamboree at 30 Fair Street this summer. The Commissioner (Good Tidings be upon him) has had something of a mishap and has required an interesting surgical procedure. This took place some weeks ago and the recovery has been slow going.

Your Commissioner will continue to be relatively incapacitated for the remainder of this summer. That will bring us to September, at which time there are some High School class reunion shenan-a-na-nigans already scheduled.

There is such a thing as too many trips to the Commissioner's home pasture, and so this year's Jamboree has been dumped, like a dirty sock, into the laundry hamper.

Everyone has paid their losses in 2024, and everyone who won money has been paid.

You will soon receive an email with some proposed changes to The Living Document. These changes are in response to some concerns that were raised about last year's changes. These criticisms were felt to be legitimate and have been addressed. The Commissioner's office would like to thank Big Dom and DPo for their assistance with this year's revisions.

The Commissioner's office feels compelled to emphasize that these proposed revisions will not go into effect unless the BRFL membership either approves them or witholds comment about them. Comments and suggestions are welcome up until August 14th, 2025, which is about a week or so before the BRFL Draft. An absence of comments will be interpreted as approval of the proposed changes. 

Blessings,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life 

BRFL 2025

TBDBITL Big Horns

 Helloooo, BRFLers!

Just love this gif with The Best Damn Band In The Land big horns rising up, over Will Howard's outstretched arms, as Ohio State eviscerates Oregon in Pasadena this year. 

Never gets old.

Enjoy.

Anyway, on to next season.

It's kind of important that you read this here post (looking at you, SockPuppet and especially you, Q). 

We need to make an adjustment in the preseason points. And post-season play.

There are no right answers here. Only lame-brained ideas advanced by nincompoops with no clue. 

I'll go first. 

Regarding the AP Top 10 teams;

Pick number 1 in the AP : start at minus 10

Pick #2, minus 9

Pick #3, minus 8

Pick #4, minus 7

Pick #5, minus 6

Picks #6 - 0, free lunch. No penalty points. Start at zero. 

Why, you ask? 

This gives Big Losers, from 2024, with early picks, a better chance to make some serious money in 2025, despite their historically awful picking.

Bottom 5 in the AP:

No points. You've picked a ranked team. Good luck to you.

Pick an unranked team:

Start at +3. You're picking an unranked team. Risky. We'll give you a little something for that. But that team better really catch fire or you're shit out of luck. Picking an unranked team has always (until last year) had that, "I don't give a shit", "wild-stallions-must-run-free" cachet about it. A certain je ne sais quoi. It's time to bring that all back home.

Post-season:

Conference Championship Game: win = +2.

Any old Bowl game ( not a CFP Playoff game) : +3

CFP First Round Bye: +1

CFP Round 1: +4

CFP Qaurter Final: +6

CFP Semi Final: +8

CFP Final: +10

Again why, you query. 

It was glorious watching Teebs and PSU bounce Breaux's Broncos out of the tourney. It was great fun watching them thoroughly fuck up Big Dom's Ponies in the Quarter final. And who didn't love McLovin's epic run, featuring his whipping of Psycho's Tennessee Vols like a rented mule? 

Well, okay. Sure. McLovin and I were the only people who got a kick out of that. But still. Imagine if it had been another team, not Ohio State. People might have enjoyed it.

 

What's my point? What's my mission here?

I want to keep as many BRFLers wasting precious hours ( that they will NEVER GET BACK ) in front of their TV sets, angsting-out over whether some team they have no connection to at all, in real life, wins and advances. Fuck yeah. I want like fourteen BRFLers trying to cut each other's throats on Saturday afternoons for as long and deep into the season as possible.

Alternatives? Thoughts? Tweaks? At least read this post for God's sakes. 

Also, pay me, so that I may pay others. @James-LaCava-2 is my Venmo handle. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

 

Don't be these people in BRFL 2025