GG Bowlapalooza, Chapter 6, CFP Semis

 And  then there were 6.

Iowa vs the Tennessee Vols. 1 PM, January 1, ABC. Cirus Bowl, Orlando, FL

Michigan vs Alabama. 5 PM, January 1, ESPN, Rose Bowl, Pasadena, CA. CFP Semi.

Washington vs Texas Longhorns. 8:45 PM, January 1, ESPN, Caesar's Superdome, New Orleans, LA.

CFP Semi.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG BowlMania Chapter 5

It's tight.

It's hard to keep up.

It's time to FOCUS.

Missouri vs Ohio State 

12/29 (that's tomorrow), 8 PM, ESPN/ESPN+ (Cotton Bowl) NY6

AT&T Stadium, Arlington, TX

Ole Miss vs Penn State

12/30, Noon, ESPN/ESPN+ (Peach Bowl) NY6

Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, GA

Wisconsin vs LSU

1/1, Noon, ESPN/ESPN+

Raymond James Stadium, Tampa, FL

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

RED ALERT: GG Bowls, Chapter 4

 Bowl Season is picking up speed.

Arizona vs Oklahoma. Tomorrow. 12/28, 9:15 on ESPN/ESPN+. From the Alamodome in San Antonio, TX.

Clemson vs Kentucky. Friday, 12/29, Noon, ESPN/ESPN+, From Everbanks Stadium, Jacksonville, FL. 

Oregon State Beavers vs Notre Dame Fightin' Irish. Friday, 12/29, From the Sun Bowl, El Paso, TX.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Binge, Chapter 3

And then He said, "Let there be a third bucket of bowls."

And so, too, did the Commissioner see that this made sense, in a fucked up sort of way. 

And so it was that there were then, indeed, yet three more bowls. 

Tuesday, December 26: Bowling Green vs Minnesota Golden Gophers, 2 PM, ESPN/ESPN+, Ford Field, Detroit, MI. 

Wednesday, December 27: Texas A&M vs Oklahoma State, 9 PM, ESPN/ESPN+, NRG Stadium, Houston, TX.

Thursday, December 28: Rutgers vs Miami Hurricanes, 2:15, ESPN/ESPN+, Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida.

BITCHES!

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG, Dawn of the Bowls, Results

 First set of bowl games yields up 5 sweeps.

The Ohio Bobcats cock-whip Georgia Southern with their back up QB and sans their #1 RB. Sad. 41 - 21, Bobcats over Panthers.

Jacksonville State Gamecocks pull it out vs the Rajin' Cajuns 34 -31. What can you say about this one. I have not idea. I didn't watch it.

Cal gets slapped around by Texas Tech and takes the L, 34 -14 Red Raiders. Tahj Brooks puts on a show. 

SockPuppet. SWEEP! Team Tool slides in there with 5 to make 38.

Lola. SWEEP! BAM! 5 to go to 32.

BreauxFreaux. 2 to go to 34. Georgia Southern be like, 'we suck'.

Timmy! 2 to go to 26. Love the old school Georgia Southern helmets. But the team blows.

Snottie. 1 to make 32. Major slippage here. Do you not want to win? Is that your deal?

DPo. 2 to go to 40 and a share of the lead.  Georgia fucking Southern on your  mind. 

Chiba. SWEEP! Yeah, Baby. 5 to go to 38. 

Q. 1 to make 17. So horribly sad. How many weeks have you picked up just one? A bunch.

McLovin. SWEEP! Quietly building momentum. 5 to go to 34.

$$uke. 2 to go to 29. Fuck you, Georgia Southern.

KBron. 1 to make 25. Squandering GG points never helped anyone, ToolSack.

DTBH. 2 to make 20. At least you're trying. Georgia Southern nacho fren.

Ronde'. 1 to stall out at 40 and a share of the top spot. Picked a bad week to go Full Retard.

CCS. SWEEP! This turd won't go away. 5 to make 38.

You want more? 

Youse is gonna' git more.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life.

GG Bowl Binge, Chapter Two

More Bowls. Note, first game is 12/21:

University of South Florida vs Syracuse, Thursday, 2/21, 8 PM, ESPN/ESPN+, Boca Raton, FL

Arkansas State vs Northern Illinois Huskies 12/23, Friday, Noon, ESPN/ESPN+, Montgomery, AL

Georgia State vs Utah State, 12/23, Friday, 3:30 PM, ESPN/ESPN+, Boise, ID

Roll the bones. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 15 Bowl Bingeing

 Dawn of the Bowls.

And so it was decided on the Twelfth Day:

That there be seven Bowl groups and six shall be of three games each.

The National Championship Game shall stand alone. That shall be the seventh 'group'. A one game group.

Verily, if the Gods of Bowl Bingeing smile upon you and you cruise into the National Championship game having swept the final set of three games (that includes the two playoff games) you will be rewarded for your toil and receive an extra bonus three points. You keep those, win or lose your bet on the Natty, for you are a Little Bitch and truly need the points. 

Picking the Natty game correctly pays three points, no matter what. Get it wrong and you get zero and go to hell and you suffer there. Get it right and you get three points.

Simply put, if you get the playoff week right, that's a sweep (five) plus three bonus (total eight). And then with the nailing of the Natty, that's three more. 11 points total to close out the GG season. That's the max. 

So it was last year. And the year before that.

So shall it be this year. 

First group (all Saturday 12/16 games):

Georgia Southern vs Ohio U Bobcats, Brooks Stadium, Conway, SC 

The Myrtle Beach Bowl,11 AM, 12/16, ESPN/ESPN+.

Jacksonville State Gamecocks vs Louisiana Rajin' Cajuns, Caesars Superdome, New Orleans, LA

The New Orleans Bowl. 2:15 PM, 12/16, ESPN/ESPN+

Cal Golden Bears v Texas Tech Red Raiders, Independence Stadium, Shreveport, LA.

Independence Bowl, 9:15 PM, 12/16, ESPN/ESPN+

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 14 Results

 Conference Championships.

Remember that the Commissioner, God's Blessings Be Upon Him, a few years ago, set the Conference Championships games at 4 points for the win. (Refer to the last iteration of the Living Document which, I'm sure, you have right at hand). This year there were only three (3) BRFLers in an actual Conference Championship game, due to all-time shitty team selections by the group. These horrid picks showed no bias along any religious, gender or income tax bracket lines, which, I suppose, is a relief. 

McLonghorn

SockPuppet. Texas obliterates Oklahoma State in the Big 12 Champ's game. 49 - 21 the final and Texas is headed to the CFP. Texas is red hot but they've got a few weeks to cool off and douche out in the first round to Washington. 

Anyway.

+4 for the win, 1 for the no drop, a bodacious +4 move up from the AP. That there is a nine point weekend and SockPuppet is numero uno in the BRFL with +36 and the #3 spot in the AP. 

Lola. Did not play. +1 for the no drop. Total +4. #13 AP.

BreauxFreaux. Did not play. 0. +6 on the year. Unranked.

Timmy! DNP. +1 on the no drop and, WTF?! +1 on the AP move up. +18 total. #15 AP. 

Snottie. Steps into the ring with U Wash and loses by a field goal. UW 34, Oregon 31. It was a hell of a game. The AP drops Snottie -3. Still, +30 and #8 in the AP has Snott dreaming of taking home the ol' piano pounder.

DPo. DNP. Big fat fucking zero on the weekend. -3 Season. Unranked AP.

Chiba. DNP. Nada on the weekend. Minus 15. Unranked. 

Thanks, Q.

Q. DNP. Bet the Ranch. I didn't think anyone would have the balls this year. But Q stepped up. Sure, she got smoked. Lost 16 GG points. Takes the GRRRREAM, minus 5 BRFL. She was at minus 18 when she rolled the Huge Bones and now she's at minus 23. But she can hold her head high. She joins the ranks of those storied BRFLers who have Bet the Ranch and gotten creamed. I'm getting a little choked up here. Let's move on.

McLovin. After another loss to scUM, McLovin dwells in despair. The Bucks, our Bucks, DNP this week. Worse, the AP shafted the Men of the Scarlet and Gray with a cruel minus 1 drop.  McLovin at +9 on the season. #7 AP. Hello, Cotton Bowl. 

$$uke. Beavers DNP. The coach left. The QB entered the portal. The star RB got a DUII. 

Plus 1 for the no drop. 

+15 on the season, Bitches.

KBron. Ole Miss DNP. +1 on the no drop. +33 on the season. #11. The Bronie has to hope he crushes his Bowl Game and them Texas boys get smoked by the Huskies. Of course it could come down to GG points. 

DogTheBountyHunter. KSU DNP. Zero weekend (like so many weekends for you, DTBH). Minus 5 on the year. Unranked.

Ronde'. The Ponies handle the Green Wave. SMU 26, Tulane 14. The AP is not amused. Minus 6 goes the tumble. +19 on the season. #23 AP. Win your bowl game or you'll end the season with a REAM.

CCS. Oklahoma DNP. QB oddly enters the portal. Something stinks in Norman. 

Whatever. 

+1 on the no drop.  +28 on the season. #12 AP.

Onward to BowlMania.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 14 Results

 

We've hit that point in the season where every GG point counts. Accordingly, no one got more than 1 out of 3 right this weekend. Good job, Guys!

Every single person picked Oregon. 

SockPuppet. 0. As in 'zero correct'. Remain at 33. Think about how inadequate this performance was.

Lola. 1. Move up to 27. You need to start making some better picks.

BreauxFreaux. 1 to go to 32. Who are you? Not the person I used to know. Who made good picks.

Timmy! 1 to make 24. Like, don't try too hard, Tim.

Snottie. 1 to go to 31. Couldn't let yourself pick Alabama, could you, Petty Tyrant?

DPo. 1 to go to 38. You could have gained some separation this week. But nooooo. You're still too high off sniffing Blake Corum's sweaty jockstrap. Fuck you.

Chiba. 1. Total of 33. Couldn't pick 'Bama, even though you knew those two freak genetic mistakes at TE for the Dawgs were going to underperform. Tool move, Cheebs.

Q. Good Christ. The balls! I really admire the guts it took to BET THE RANCH on Conference Championship weekend. Yeah, no, it was a complete disaster for you, for sure. You lost 16 of your 32 GG points and earned a GRRREAM! in the BRFL (more on that later). But you took 'rolling the bones' to another level and I salute you. You did kind of take betting the ranch to a new level when you changed your Florida State pick to Louisville, netting you zero in Week 14. You have 16 now.

McLovin. Rolls a gutterball. Zero. So crappy. You have 29 like a little bitch.

$$uke. I picked Alabama and...so there. I also had Oregon and L'ville. Pick up 1 to bring my laughable total to 27. 

KBron. Some more dumb-ass picks from you. Got 1 right, go to 24. Embarrassing really.

DogTheBountyHunter. Big fat Zero. I want to believe you're trying but it's getting more difficult. 18. You have 18. Q has 16 and she just bet the ranch and lost. Take a look in the mirror, whatever I mean by that.

Ronde'. 1 to go to 39. Did just enough to stay the Leader. Some people call that cool. I call that being a lazy shit. 

CCS. 1 to go to 33. Your chances of a repeat championship are pretty much cooked. I don't feel sorry for you.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 13 Results

 Rivalry week.

SockPuppet. Texas Longhorns pulverize Texas Tech, 57 - 7 in Austin. Horns lookin' salty at just the right time. 1 for the win. 1 for the no drop. No AP love. +2 weekend. +27 total. Conference Championship next week.

Lola. A rudderless Texas A&M squad gets pushed around by LSU. 42 - 30, Tigers over the Aggies in Baton Rouge. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. +3 weekend, +3 on the season. Remarkable comeback, though, to be honest, your pick was not great. So  it's kind of your fault.

BreauxFreaux. A vicious 57 - 7 drubbing by Texas. No reason to rub salt in this wound. Zero on the weekend. You have +6 on the season. The best that can be said is that, with six wins, you're bowl eligible. Barely.

the epic goal line stand in 2012

Timmy! Notre Dame hammers Stanford, 56 - 23 in Palo Alto. Yo-yo year for the Domers. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up in the AP. +3 weekend, a respectable +16 on the season.

Snottie. The Oregon Ducks handle their business in Eugene. They pound Beaver in Autzen Stadium, oregon 31, Oregon State 7. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. +3 weekend as you position yourself to maybe Take The Cheese with +33 on the season.

DPo. Wisconsin makes off with Paul Bunyan's Axe then tries to chop down Minnie's goal post with it. 

Badgers 28, Golden Gophers 14. 1 for the win. Minus 3 on the season.

ChibaChews. Clemson goes on the road and hands it to SowCow in Columbia, SC. Clemson 16, GameCocks 7. Dabo won't go quietly, the turd. But wait...oh, never mind. I thought you got a Diddle but I was looking at the CFP or the Coaches Poll or some shit. The AP hates you, hates Dabo, hates the whole fucking state of South Carolina. You got one for the win and you're at minus 15. 

Q. Men of Troy with a BYE to end the season. USC is a pick that just did not work out. You have minus 18 going into the conference championship weekend. A weekend during which your team will not be playing.

McLovin. TTUN's QB is better than TOSU's QB. Up against a hellish defense and saddled with an unreliable QB Ryan Day goes full pucker and coaches scared, shitty, odd, whatever. Three in row for the Maize and Blew. Michigan 30, Ohio State 24 in the Big House. AP drops you 4. You have +10 on the season.

$$uke. Oregon skins the Beavers 31 - 7 in Eugene. Beavers go off the rails. Coach leaves for Meechy State, RB Damien Martinez gets a DUII (don't know what that is. Driving under incredible impairment?) and DJ Uiagalelei enters the tranny portal, again. Oregon goes on to the PAC-12 champs game. AP socks it to the Beaver, minus 6, $$uke at +14.

KBron. Ole Miss drops Mississippi State on the road in the latest edition of the Egg Bowl. Rebs 17, Bulldogs 7. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 from the AP. +3 weekend. +32 total. 

Dog The Bounty Hunter. KSU takes the 'L' as the Iowa State Cyclones come to down and dump the Wildcats. Iowa State 42, Kansas State 35. You crash from your lofty perch at AP #19 right on out of the poll. That's right. Minus 6 on the way out the booby hatch and then REAM! Minus 5 more. Apocalyptic minus 11 weekend puts you at minus 5. Hey, you've got your health.

Ronde'. Tulane schools UTSA. Green Wave 29, Roadrunners 16. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up. +3. +25 Total. It would take a miracle but you're not out of it. Conference Championship pays +4 for a win, so there's that.

CCS. Oklahoma buries TCU 69 - 45. Impressive Sooner romp over the Toads. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop and 1 for the move up in the AP. +3 weekend. +27 total. A very long shot to Take The Cheese but, again, not impossible. 

On to Conference Championship weekend.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life