BRFL Week 4 Results

 Week 4.

Q: DIDDLE! DIDDLE! DIDDLE! The Polygamists from Provo pound the Pirates and punch out a pile of points for the Q-meister. After beating up on East Carolina (on the road) the AP could deny BYU no longer. Nuh-uh. 1 for the win, 5 for the diddle, 6 point week, #25 AP, total 11. Feels so right.

Chiba Chews: Boise State bests the Air Force Academy, 49 - 37. 1 for the win. Total is minus 3. That's not bad for this year's crew.

DogTheBountyHunter: Bye week. Fucked over by the AP for no apparent reason. Drops 2 in the poll. Robbed also of his no drop point. Minus 2 on the weekend. New total is 15, AP #14. I'm kind of glad this happened to you, Dawg. 

Being Dan Lanning.

Lola. Oregon starts slow then beats the brakes off the Beavers of Oregon State, 41 - 7, at home. Why do they still play Oregon State? It's sadistic. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. Lanning still a total douche. New total is 4, #6 AP.

Ronde'. Tennessee Vols whup up on U Alabama Birmingham 56 - 24 in Knoxville. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, total 16. AP#15. Not sure what to make of these ying-yangs. UAB is not an elite team.

DPo. Meechy barely beats Nebraska in Lincoln. The Maize and Blue running backs are for real, gashing the Huskers for long TD scampers every few minutes. The Meechy D-line used Dylan Riola as a live tackling dummy, recording something like 50 sacks. Yet the final is scUM 30, CornDogs 27. A whole lot of zero on the weekend for 'Po. Still has 6. Still is unranked. Still can't get past Biff Poggi. 

SockPuppet. Why did the AP move you up one? They did. Plus your no drop. You now have 17 and are on the Top of the Mountain. #9 AP. Whatever, Scumbag. 

KBro. SMU goes down to the Frogs on the road. Ponies 24, TCU 35. Zeros across the board. Zeros. So many zeros. Like a fucking Las Vegas senior buffet, but you can only get zeros. Stay at minus 12. Unranked. I admire the way you stick with this. Up to a point. Then I start to wonder if, maybe, you're just a really messed up unit who should spend some time in counseling.

It's Dave Aranda time. 

$$uke. Last year Boy Coach Kenny Dillingham had such kicking woes that he held campus-wide open try outs. He was going for it on 4th and anything when he was in plus territory. 

This year, in Waco, against Baylor (a team that had not looked shitty the week before), and with the game knottted at 24 late in the fourth quarter, Kenny D runs eleven plays in a minute fifty - two and out trots Jesus Gomez or Gomez Jesus or whoever the fuck and drills it, dead center, through the uprights from 43. It would have been good from 53. Sun Devils 27, Bears 24. 1 for the win. Snubbed by the AP. Proudly reppin' minus 16 and still dead last.  

Psycho. Coach Cig smokes Bert Bulimia's program with a 63 - 10 slaughter in Bloomington. I could have featured a picture of Cignetti standing on the sidelines, up by 50, staring straight ahead like he just fought his way out of Khe Sanh with a steak knife. But I didn't. Cig is not much to look at. And neither is what happened to your score, Psycho; Minus 14. You're in negative territory to the tune of minus 5. AP #23. It was fun while it lasted. 

Lola. LSU humiliates South Eastern Louisiana 56 - 10. Mysteriously, the AP drops LSU one for that. So the win is for nothing and they miss out on the no-drop. 0 weekend. Brian Kelly kills a couple kittens with his car on the way home from the game. Lola has 10. LSU has trouble with the run game. AP #4.

McLovin. Alabama with the BYE week and a foot-in-the-ass from the AP; minus 3! Puts 'Lovin at minus 8. AP #17. The AP hates 'Bama this year. You're screwed, McLovin.

Big Dom. Three people took Texas Tech in GG. Including Big Dom! TTech 34, Utah 10 in Rice-Eccles Stadium. This was a road win, ass-kicking, statement game by the Red Raiders. This was also a REAM for Big Dom. No mercy from the AP. Minus 14 on the weekend. 8 total, is what you have left, BD. You are unranked. 

Breaux Freaux. With Memphis up 32 - 31 and starting on their own 25, The Pigs run 9 plays and take it inside the Memphis 10 yard line only to fumble it on the 7. Breaux with the win. Memphis 32 - Arkansas 31. 1 for the win but you've still accumulated 7 points. Lah-dee-dah. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life