GG Week 6 Games

 Week 6

Iowa State Cyclones @ Cincinnati Bearcats. Noon. ESPN 2.

Vanderbilt @ Alabama, in Tuscaloosa. 3:30. ABC. 

Miami @ Florida State, in Tallahassee. 7:30. ABC.

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 4 Results

 

Week 4 GG.

Indiana 63, Ilinois 10. Cignetti with the stare like he just found the guy whose dog keeps shitting on his lawn. We've been over this. 

Texas Tech obliterates Utah in their home stadium. Didn't see this one coming. Is Texas Tech that good or did the Utes just have a very bad day? TTech 34 - Utah 10.

Nebraska 27, Michigan 30 in Lincoln. Undone by a sieve-like offensive line and Meechy running backs running free for hundreds of yards. Cornhuskers not ready for Prime Time. 

Q. 2 to reach 10. Showing up in GG this year.

Chiba Chews. GUTTERBALL. 0 on the week. Total 4. Bad.

DTBH. 1. Total 7. Not great.

Lola. 1. Total 5. Worse than 'not great'.

Ronde'. SWEEP! Total is 12 and you're #1.

DPo. 1. Total 3. That sucks.

SockPuppet. GUTTERBALL. 0. Total 5. Like, okay, maybe start paying attention.

KBro. 2 to get to 7. Thought you had the sweep but then ... Illinois.

$$uke. 2. Total 6. My picks are just ass, weekly.

Psycho. 1. Total 5. Another loser.

Teebs. 2. Total 10. Got something going, you think? Probably not.

McLovin. 1. Total 6. When Alabama sucked this mattered. 

Big Dom. SWEEP! Add 5 to make 11. Sticking with it because he has to.

BreauxFreaux. 2. Total 7. Not great.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 4 Results

 Week 4.

Q: DIDDLE! DIDDLE! DIDDLE! The Polygamists from Provo pound the Pirates and punch out a pile of points for the Q-meister. After beating up on East Carolina (on the road) the AP could deny BYU no longer. Nuh-uh. 1 for the win, 5 for the diddle, 6 point week, #25 AP, total 11. Feels so right.

Chiba Chews: Boise State bests the Air Force Academy, 49 - 37. 1 for the win. Total is minus 3. That's not bad for this year's crew.

DogTheBountyHunter: Bye week. Fucked over by the AP for no apparent reason. Drops 2 in the poll. Robbed also of his no drop point. Minus 2 on the weekend. New total is 15, AP #14. I'm kind of glad this happened to you, Dawg. 

Being Dan Lanning.

Lola. Oregon starts slow then beats the brakes off the Beavers of Oregon State, 41 - 7, at home. Why do they still play Oregon State? It's sadistic. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop. Lanning still a total douche. New total is 4, #6 AP.

Ronde'. Tennessee Vols whup up on U Alabama Birmingham 56 - 24 in Knoxville. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, total 16. AP#15. Not sure what to make of these ying-yangs. UAB is not an elite team.

DPo. Meechy barely beats Nebraska in Lincoln. The Maize and Blue running backs are for real, gashing the Huskers for long TD scampers every few minutes. The Meechy D-line used Dylan Riola as a live tackling dummy, recording something like 50 sacks. Yet the final is scUM 30, CornDogs 27. A whole lot of zero on the weekend for 'Po. Still has 6. Still is unranked. Still can't get past Biff Poggi. 

SockPuppet. Why did the AP move you up one? They did. Plus your no drop. You now have 17 and are on the Top of the Mountain. #9 AP. Whatever, Scumbag. 

KBro. SMU goes down to the Frogs on the road. Ponies 24, TCU 35. Zeros across the board. Zeros. So many zeros. Like a fucking Las Vegas senior buffet, but you can only get zeros. Stay at minus 12. Unranked. I admire the way you stick with this. Up to a point. Then I start to wonder if, maybe, you're just a really messed up unit who should spend some time in counseling.

It's Dave Aranda time. 

$$uke. Last year Boy Coach Kenny Dillingham had such kicking woes that he held campus-wide open try outs. He was going for it on 4th and anything when he was in plus territory. 

This year, in Waco, against Baylor (a team that had not looked shitty the week before), and with the game knottted at 24 late in the fourth quarter, Kenny D runs eleven plays in a minute fifty - two and out trots Jesus Gomez or Gomez Jesus or whoever the fuck and drills it, dead center, through the uprights from 43. It would have been good from 53. Sun Devils 27, Bears 24. 1 for the win. Snubbed by the AP. Proudly reppin' minus 16 and still dead last.  

Psycho. Coach Cig smokes Bert Bulimia's program with a 63 - 10 slaughter in Bloomington. I could have featured a picture of Cignetti standing on the sidelines, up by 50, staring straight ahead like he just fought his way out of Khe Sanh with a steak knife. But I didn't. Cig is not much to look at. And neither is what happened to your score, Psycho; Minus 14. You're in negative territory to the tune of minus 5. AP #23. It was fun while it lasted. 

Lola. LSU humiliates South Eastern Louisiana 56 - 10. Mysteriously, the AP drops LSU one for that. So the win is for nothing and they miss out on the no-drop. 0 weekend. Brian Kelly kills a couple kittens with his car on the way home from the game. Lola has 10. LSU has trouble with the run game. AP #4.

McLovin. Alabama with the BYE week and a foot-in-the-ass from the AP; minus 3! Puts 'Lovin at minus 8. AP #17. The AP hates 'Bama this year. You're screwed, McLovin.

Big Dom. Three people took Texas Tech in GG. Including Big Dom! TTech 34, Utah 10 in Rice-Eccles Stadium. This was a road win, ass-kicking, statement game by the Red Raiders. This was also a REAM for Big Dom. No mercy from the AP. Minus 14 on the weekend. 8 total, is what you have left, BD. You are unranked. 

Breaux Freaux. With Memphis up 32 - 31 and starting on their own 25, The Pigs run 9 plays and take it inside the Memphis 10 yard line only to fumble it on the 7. Breaux with the win. Memphis 32 - Arkansas 31. 1 for the win but you've still accumulated 7 points. Lah-dee-dah. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 5 Games

 Ya'll sick of winnin'? Then ya'll best be on your way.

Week 5.

(#4) LSU at Ole Miss (#13)

Hotty Toddy.

The password this week is 'ANEURYSM', Brian Kelly. 'Aneurysm'.

3:30 on ABC

(#6) Oregon at Penn State (#3)

Normally I wouldn't wish James Franklin well but ... Dan Lanning.

7:30 on NBC, but, sadly, also on the 'cock

(#17) Alabama at Georgia (#5)

McLovin with soiled pantaloons. Or not. We'll see won't we, Bitches?

7:30 on ABC

I think that's a hefty dose of Gary Danielson. Or is he on CBS? I don't  know. I've picked up Ronde's bad habit of not actually watching games but, rather, just turning off all the lights and spinning myself around on a desk chair, yanking on my sausage for half an hour or so, before I just say, "fuck it" and bet my horoscope. 

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 3 Results

 Week 3. Still not sure about any of these teams. 

Q: BYU Mormons. Bye week. Yawn. Nothing plus nothing. Stay at +5 and unranked. 

Chiba Chews: Boise State Broncos. Also a Bye week. It's not so much a question of 'do they suck?'. It's more, 'when do we know for sure that they suck?' 

Zeroes across the board. Remain at minus 4 and unranked as hell. Lots of work to do here, Dippy.

DogTheBountyHunter: 24 -16, the road win against ... Arkansas State. AP thought this was kind of a big deal (why?). 1 for the win, 2 for the move up to #12, a no drop point, 4 on the week, new total is 17 and that's pretty damn good. However, this is a Big12 Team and who the fuck knows with that conference?

 

Lola. 34 -14, the ritual sacrifice of Northwestern, in Evanston. Everybody knows that Northwestern has been a shell of themselves since they dumped Pat Fitzgerald and stopped hazing, so the AP docks the Ducks minus 2. L-woman doesn't pick up the no drop point. So, for a road win that was kind of an ass-kicking, she gets minus 1 on the week and drops to +2 on the year, #6 AP.

No justice, no peace.

Ronde': Tennessee hosts Georgia. It is a hell of a game. Back and forth they go. We've covered this in GG. Tennessee loses 41 - 40 in overtime after an epic fail by their kicker. 

That's what you get when you violate child labor laws. 

Up top here is a gif of the Georgia Tech kicker (an adult) laying Clemson to rest with a 55 yard post-splitter from the logo, on 4th down with no time outs, as the clock ticks to zero. I think his foot actually hits the ball with 1 second on the clock. So, kicking under pressure CAN be done. 

Here's the thing; The AP saw Tennessee vs Georgia as a tie, basically. Tennessee doesn't move in the poll (still #15) and El Ronde' picks up the no drop point. Ends the week with 14 total. Never seen that before. 

DPo: Are you shitting me? Nebraska mauls some school called 'Houston Christian' (fun campus), 59 - 7. That's like Ohio State playing Grambling State only, somehow, a little more fair since it's Nebraska. You get one for this. Total 6 and you are still unranked. 

A chance for your men to prove themselves this week. 

SockPuppet: Texas A&M bests Notre Dame 41 - 40 in SouthBend. This was a great game but it's starting to look like Notre Dame doesn't have a defense. Why do teams keep hiring Chris Ash to run their defense? He is not very good. Anyway. Good news for Sock. 1 for the win, buckets of AP love (6) and no drop adds up to 8 on the week, a season total of 15 and #10 in the AP. Nice. 

KBro: SMU pushes Missouri State around, 28 -10 on the road. 1 for the win. Move up to minus 12. Ponies are still unranked. It could be worse.

$$uke: Sun Devils entertain the Texas State Bobcats. Trounce them 34 - 15. (Their two TDs came when the game was out of reach). The AP is totally unimpressed. 1 for the win. $$uke remains at the bottom of the ocean, minus 17 and unranked. 'Zona State defense improved, offense still seems lost. 

Psycho: The fighting Illini molest Western Meechy 38 -0, in Champaign, and the Bert Bielema train keeps a rollin'. Just one for the win, 1 for the no drop, new total is 9, AP rank is #9. Show down with the Hoosiers this week.

Timmy! LSU dumps a floundering Florida eleven at home, 20 -10. Everybody now knows that LSU can't run the football. Brian Kelly goes full Brian Kelly with a purple-face assault on a reporter who dared to bring this up. You've all seen it. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, total is 10 on the season, still #3 AP.

McLovin: Alabama pounds Wisconsin in Tuscaloosa, 38 - 14. I guess this is a big deal. The AP thought so. 1 for the win, 5 from the AP (5?), 1 for the no drop, +7 on the week, minus 5 on the season. I smell 'comeback'. Alabama is #14 AP.

Big Dom: On the road against Wyoming, the Utes down the Cowboys 31 - 6. A quality road win (I guess) and the AP loves it. 1 for the win, 4 for the move up to #16 AP, 1 for the no drop, 6 on the week and Big Dom is in the lead with 22 already. Which pisses me off.

BreauxFreaux: Memphis on the road against Troy. Get the 'W' (28 -7) and get out. 1 for the win. Total 6. Still unranked. Is there a meaningful game on the schedule? You'd better hope so, Breaux. 

That's it for Week 3. See also the spread sheet which is correct.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 4 Games

 Wait...what's this?! Conference games??

Week 4. GG.

All Saturday games.

(#17) Texas Tech at (#16) Utah Utes, noon, FOX, Rice Eccles Stadium, Salt Lake City.

(#21) Michigan at (unranked) Nebraska, 3:30, CBS Paramount, Lincoln, Nebraska.

(#9) Illinois at (#19) Indiana, 7:30, NBC, Memorial Stadium, Bloomington, Indiana.

Roll the bones for The Boss.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Results

 No sweeps. The Commissioner is doing his job.

Week 3 GG Results.

Arizona 23, Kansas State 17, in Tempe. What the hell happened to Kansas State? They were supposed to be legit contenders for the Big 12 crown and people were talking about Avery Johnson winning the Heisman. This is how desperate K State is: their last three possessions of the second half ended in turn overs on downs (they also had two of those in the first half, just for fun). They asked their kicker to boot it through from 47, 48 and 62 yards (he missed all three). Avery Johnson stat line: 13 for 29 for 88 yards and no touchdowns. QBR? 11.9 (that's not good).

Arizona is 3 - 0. Running back Jemail Mahdi gains 189 on 22 totes and 32 more on 2 receptions.

Georgia 44, Tennessee 41, in Knoxville, in OT. With 7 seconds left in regulation, the Vols have the ball on the UGA 20 yard line. The 20! Third and 5 with a time out in their pocket, ball on the left hash. They can run a play to put the ball in the center of the field, call time out and walk out and kick it through for the 'W'.

But.

Some dumbass goes off sides. Now it's 3rd and 10 at the UGA 25. Still on the left hash. Fuck it, out trots 14 year old Max Gilbert, who proceeds to miss the right goal post by about 20 yards and it's overtime and it's over for Tennessee. 

To live is to suffer.

How things have changed in College Station.

SockPuppet. We called him crazy. 

Texas A&M waltzes into South Bend and sticks it to the Domers in a wild one, a shoot out, a barn-burner, whatever you want to call it. In GG, only SockPuppet and Psycho had The Faith and picked TAMU. Did I mention there were no sweeps?

Texas A&M 41, Notre Dame 40.

Q: 1. Lame. Total 8, Limpy.

Chiba: 1. 4 total. You suck.

DTBH: 0. Gutterball 4 U. 6 total.

Lola. 2. Nice try. You have 4.

Ronde'. 1. Total 7. Disaster weekend.

DPo. 1. Total 2. So pathetic.

SockPuppet. 2. Total 5. Negative thoughts.

KBro. 1. Total 5. Suicide watch.

$$uke. 1. Oh, fucking COME ON! Total 4.

Psycho. 1. Total 4. Don't like you.

Teebs. 2. Total 8. Go around acting like you know what you're doing, Tool.

McLovin. 1. Total 5. I don't know you, if anybody asks.

Big Dom. 2. Total 6. Whatever. 

BreauxFreaux. 1. You have 5. Get a check up.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 2 Results

 Rolling through Week 2 and already some picks look shaky.

I sent you the spread sheet in your email. The way the sheet reads is a little different from last week; Under 'AP' you read 1 point for a win or 0 for a loss, plus whatever the AP gave or took away from you. If you got the REAM (like Komron and I did) I have added minus 5 to the score and the REAM column lit up. The last column is your updated AP rank.

I would have handled a DIDDLE the same way but nobody got one so ha, ha, ha, Buttholes. 

Q: BYU whups up on Stanford. Possibly because Stanford sucks. And it was a home game for the Utah Cultists. Whatever. No AP love. No diddle. Nothing but 1 lousy. Point. 5 total. Still unranked. 

ChibaChews; Boise State with the whoop-ass on East Washington U. Big fucking deal. You get one for that and now you have minus 4. You and Q had the first two picks in the draft. Way to go.

DogTheBountyHunter: The Iowa State Cyclones are officially the team to beat in the Big 12. They hand Kirk Ferentz the Fraud a nice 'L' in Ames. Thought it would be more of a blow out. Oh well. They get the CyHawk Trophy. DTBH gets 4 and has 13 on the season. 

Ronde': The Vols take an explosive shit on East Tennessee State, 72 - 17. Are the Vols really good? Guess we'll find out. The AP thinks so, goosing them with a 7 point climb. Fucking Ronde' has 13 now. I feel sick. 

DPo: Nebraska obliterates Akron 72 -17. The 'Po still pining for that elusive diddle. AP says, 'hell no'. Still unranked but you've got 5 points. 

SockPuppet. Texas A&M toys with Utah State. 44 - 22 the final. AP love +3. 5 on the week. This pick is working out and you have 7 and just fuck you. 

KBro. Holy Mother of Christ, what the hell just happened?! SMU loses to Baylor (who looked like shit last week, by the way) in double overtime and gets absolutely gang-raped by the AP. REAM! Minus 8 on the way out, plus the ream for minus 13 on the weekend. That's also your total, Mr. Pick-Up-A-Second-Job. Minus 13.

$$uke. Speaking of getting corn-holed, Arizona State takes the 'L', in Starkville, from lowly Mississippi State. So much wrong with this Sun Douche team. The QB looks lost. They apparently have only one receiver. Their secondary actually is lost. Totally. The coaching sucks. Kenny Dillingham has morphed from river-boat gambler into total pussy. Minus 13 on the way out the door and add minus 5 for the REAM! and $$uke is this year's bottom-feeding mud puppy. 

Minus 18 on the year.

Psycho. Bert Bielema has the Fighting Illini hitting on all cylinders. Illinois beats up on basketball-centric Duke, 45 - 19. 2 from the AP for that schmegma. 7 on the season for Illinois.

Timmy!: A lackluster licking of Louisiana Tech by LSU, 25 - 7 the final. Still, Teebs has the #3 team in the land and Brian Kelly might be able to achieve an erection if this keeps up. 8 on the year for Teeblations.

 McLovin: Alabama carpet bombs Louisiana Monroe 73 - 0 but the AP is not fooled. A measly 2 on the move up. Nobody believes what's-his-name has his shit together as the head coach of the Tide. Your future has 'L's around every corner, FartSmeller. Minus 12 on the year. Don't call me.

Big Dom: Well, lah-dee-dah. Utah seal-clubs Cal Poly 63 - 9 at home. CAL POLY?! For the love of God, the AP buys into this bullshit and moves the Utes up 5 places. The stupidity. 7 on the week, total 16, you have the lead, Serial Masturbator. 

BreauxFreaux and the puzzling Memphis pick. A 'W', 38 - 16, over Georgia State, that's true. But does anybody give a shit? Not the AP. They say, 'Pound sand up your ass, Breaux'. 5 on the year. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2 Results

 GG rolls on. Week 2.

Not today, Sharon.

Oklahoma 24, Michigan 13 in Norman and it wasn't that close. John Mateer runs through the Maize and Blue like shit through a tin horn. 

Sharon More's ploy to neuter his weak-ass suspension craps out. You're up, Biff Poggi. Your record at Charlotte was ass, but maybe you at least know how to manage the clock. Sharon apparently doesn't. Justice Haynes eyes the transfer portal. 

I expected a beat-down. But I got Iowa State Cyclones 16, Iowas 13. A strange and not terribly exciting game in Ames. Kirk Ferentz continues to be over paid for under performing. You may hate Ohio State but 'Dumb and Beautiful' is a lot of fun, if you've got the time.  

Well, that sucked. Arizona State goes down to The Wasteland and loses to lowly Mississippi State, 24 - 20. Up by 3 with 30 ticks on the clock and the Bulldogs on the Sun Devil 48 yard line, Arizona State is in man to man. Sounds reasonable. Three wide to the right. The middle and the widest receiver cross. Happens all the time. But the DB who has the wide man, for just a second, forgets its man to man and thinks about picking up the crosser. Blake Shappen puts it right on his Bulldog and it's lights out for 'Zona State. 

More Cow Bell. 

Q: SWEEP! 5 to go to 7. Take the lead.

Chiba: 2. Total 3.

DTBH: SWEEP! 5 to make 6. Copied Q's picks.

Lola: 1. Total 2. Head injury?

Ronde'. SWEEP! 1 to make 6. Must have changed your meds.

DPo. 0. Total 1. Why not just quit now?

Sock. 2 to make 3. Big deal.

KBro. 2 to make 4. Uh-huh.

$$uke. 2 to reach 3. Shitty.

Psycho. 1 to get to 3. Michigan?

Teebs. SWEEP! 5 to get 6. Hotcha-cha.

McLovin. 2 to reach 4. Not a big deal.

Big Dom. 2 to get 4. Nothing to write home about.

BroFro. 2 to total 4. You don't suck. Yet.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Games

 Slim pickings again this week. Maybe boring. Or not.

Week 3.

Friday Night:

Unranked Kansas State @ unranked Arizona, in Tucson, 9 PM, Fox.

Saturday games:

#6 Georgia @ #15 Tennessee, Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, TN. 3:30 ABC.

#16 Texas A&M @ # 8 Notre Dame, South Bend, Indiana, 7:30 PM on the 'cock, NBC.

Roll the bones, BRFLers.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2

 GG Week 2 Games.

All games September 6.

Iowa Hawkeyes @ Iowa State Cyclones. Kirk Ferentz journeys to Ames where he very well may get the beating of a lifetime in Jack Trice Stadium. Noon. FOX.

Michigan Wolverines @ Oklahoma Sooners. It's 'let's see who's for real time' in Norman. 7:30 PM, ABC.

Arizona State Sun Devils with a journey to Starkville and a tussle with the Mississippi State Bulldogs. Not sure if either team is anything but "meh". 7:30. ESPN2

After last weeks hosing, expect a laser focus on GG from McLovin from here on out. 

Roll them bones.

Lance Herbstrong,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 1 Results

"Wow" indeed, Hugh.

 Auburn dumps Baylor in Waco, 38 - 24. Oklahoma Portal Boy, Jackson Arnold, throws for a puny 108 but gallops for 137, and 2 TDs, on 16 totes.

Ohio State makes things difficult for Farch Manning. Buckeyes 14, Longhorns 7. Matthew McConaughey takes another 'L'.

LSU lets the gas out of Dabo in Clemson, SC, 17 - 10. LSU defense has got it going on. This game was doomed for Clemson as soon as ESPN, or FOX, or whatever, decided to devote 10 or 15 minutes of air-time to the embarrassing spectacle of a bunch of gigantic football players, in full uniform, ritually cramming their asses onto giant buses, then driving to the other side of their own stadium, all so that they could run down a hill led by their weird-ass coach. 

Q: 2. So close.

Chiba: 1. Low T.

DogTBH: 1. Fook 'em.

Lola: 1. Vag spasm.

Ronde': 1. Scrote.

DPo: 1. Loser.

Sock: 1. Deep dive turd.

KBro: 2. Almost.

$$uke. 1. Retard.

Psycho. 2. Tried hard.

Teebs. 1. Dorkmeister.

McLovin. 2. WTF!? Unexpected.

Big Dom. 2. Solid.

BroFro. 2. Strong.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life