Bros,
The Commissioner is concerned. This year I experienced that sinking feeling when you know your BRFL pick is just not up to snuff. That feeling that sets in, oh, 'bout game 6, when you just KNOW that, no matter what, your team is going to disappoint. No diddle for you. Not for you the steady accrual of 'no drop' points. No end of season BCS bowl bonanza. Just pain. Endless pain. As other motherfuckers rack up diddles and 7 point weekends and march on to the BCS championship game you lie in bed on Friday night hoping your scabrous collection of misfit toys can upset Akron.
That's a bad place to be. It's disheartening. Speaking for myself, it led me to largely tune out the action in the BRFL. Sure, I scanned DDouche's weekly abusive missive. But, for the most part, I spent my Friday and Saturday nights pulling extra night shifts so I could pay off my burgeoning BRFL debt. Not fun. Not cool.
But wait. Haven't we all been there? (Except Randy.) Haven't we all languished in the basement eating rat salad and yearning for a miracle so we could bust the fuck out?
Allow me then to introduce: Big Game, Big Gonads. (BGBG). I'm going to appoint one of you fucking knuckleheads (you didn't think I was going to actually DO WORK, did you?) to pick one game each week, commencin' with week 7. You pick that game and you challenge the BRFL membership to put their nuts where their money is. In the sub-basement, Retard? Then bet up to 5 BRFL points on the BGBG game. Pick the winner? Get the 5. Miss it, and you're 5 points deeper in the hole. This game is open to everyone. Think you're a genius and looking to pad your seemingly insurmountable BRFL lead? Go ahead. Bet the full 5. If you blow it, you're back among the mortals, scrapping for points and trying to preserve that college tuition money for Junior. Pick the winner and start looking for that time share in the Caymans.
What say ye, Brethren? Of course, I propose Seannie Graham as the BGBG picker. He'll be carrying a heavy load of responsibility. Like DrewBag and McLovin', he'll soon find out that the Full Service Commissioner is not a detail oriented fella' and that the workload of administering BGBG is going to fall squarely on his shoulders. But, hey, listen, Amigos. I get paid for my ideas. My massive cerebral cortex is my meal ticket. It's who I am.
Get back to me.
And keep it real.
Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life
<==3
ReplyDeleteImpressive.
DeleteBitch, please. yet again, your syphilitic sponge brain fails to grasp the "Fuck me? Fuck you!" schadenfreude of this here League. Free points? Out of thin air? Bitch, please. Down on you luck? Ball gag not giving you pleasure? Need points to save your miserable season? BGBG. Challenge someone who got points, see? Like Randouche. He has 25 points, say, and you can't stand the thought of that weasel getting your BJ money. Again. So you challenge him. Win, and you take 5 from him. Lose, you are fucked. Who picks first? Guess that would be up to the BRFL Rules Committee. My guess, you get challenged, you pick the team. Or pick over/under points or something. All I know is you want me on that wall. You NEED me on that wall.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely needs some work. Great to see the response from the membership. Inspiring.
DeleteComms and Po Po, Ya both got some ideers goin' there but I want some time to contemplate the possibilities....busy dabbing mt drool right now and twitching from my reaming this past season....but like the innovation....McLovin
ReplyDelete