This shit really happened.
Seemed Psycho Urban wanted to, oh, get the students @ TOSU really involved with the team.
What? They don't pay attention? Like 110 thousand people every Saturday is not involved enough for this crazy bastard?
So, as a treat, you could step out on the field during FULL CONTACT spring practice and tote the rock if you wanted to. Like, if you were some misguided, sadomasochistic idiot from Centerville, Ohio who never had a prayer of playing real college ball, hey, douchebag, here's your chance to see what it's like . Here's what you've been missing. A red shirt sophomore linebacker from hell unloading on you, decleating you, with every ounce of power he's got in his 6'1" 220 lb, 4.6 40 frame as you break through a mysteriously huge hole on a classic(ally boring TOSU Dave off tackle snoozer). Hitting you so hard that, for a second, you're sure you're dying. Is that your own feces you feel in your red trousers? Is there a pungent smell of piss in your shoes?
The actual video of this assassination is a lot more impressive because it shows the dufus chump speed that Brutus came through the (gaping) hole with and the sickening game speed that our linebacker friend used to close the gap and absolutely shit-slobber Brutus into the rug. Note where the ball ends up. This was about survival for Brutus. To his credit, he bounced right up and kind of skipped off the field. To the hospital. Drill ended here.
Urban Meyer puts cats in microwaves. He uses those lighters you put into gas grilles on tadpoles. He baits minnows through the eye on hooks then leaves them on the window sill to die horrible dehydrated deaths in the mid-central Ohio sun. That's who we're talking about here. A man named after a Pope who does shit like the above to Brutus Buckeye. Fucked. Up.
Jimbosuke
Commissioner for Life
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