Freak Mascots

Here's one that's worth checking out. Go to the video of Purdue Pete. Some sick shit.

I think the Oklahoma State Cowboy is one of the better mascots. And the head coach has a mullet.

more tattoos

For any AU grad the choice is obvious. Reuben Foster’s Auburn tattoo, which he got one month before changing his “rock solid” Auburn commitment to Alabama, should at the very least get the “look at me, I am a complete dumbass”  award.  It was only  later that he added the Ladarious Phillips tribute in honor of his murdered cousin (best high school highlight reel ever, google it), who actually respected his commitment and went to AU, only to be shot and killed at a notorious off campus apartment  near the Auburn campus.  The “razor sharp” Foster noted that he does have a script “A” on his left hand and that he plans to get a larger Alabama tattoo on his left bicep. My advice to Reuben.... get a really good money manager, preferably an Auburn grad.

Fan Tats Throwdown

Send in your most intense over the top college football fan tats to BRFL headquarters via email of blog. Will vote on the winter who will then receive a special award. Here's my entry, Brochachos:

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life




Surprised the Commissionary Position for Life didn't go with this. - D. Po



PSU's Robinson or UM's Stribling is worthy of tattoo. Popular in Happy Valley, just not as popular as the tattoo of Sandusky in the shower. - D. Po


Buckeyes' finest. - D. Po




Because in Alabama, there is never a reason to wear a shirt. Roll Tide indeed. D. Po

Message to the Plainsmen

What the hell is going on at the Most Beautiful Village of the Plains?

Free Antwuan Jackson!

Bye, bye, Big Game Bob.

Yes, BRFLers. Bob Stoops, out of fucking nowhere, stepping down as the head man at Oklahoma.
WTF, Brothers and Sisters?

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

"It doesn't matter, Bitch." - Rhianna

Lots of interesting things going on in Cleveland, Columbus and "The Loveliest Village On The Plains".

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

DE prospect

http://www.elevenwarriors.com/ohio-state-football-recruiting/2017/05/82482/zach-harrison-is-a-top-ohio-state-target-in-2019-and-its-easy-to-see-why

Freakish.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Hating and Harbaugh

God damn it.

This is what drives me nuts. Meechy won't go out there and get me a coach that I can hate with all my soul. Like Dabo Swinney. Or Brian Kelley. Instead they get guys like Rich Rodriguez who was so pathetic that hating him was like talking shit about a dead person. Or Brady Hoke who was so invisible and apparently apathetic that hating him was like hating somebody at the DMV. Just doing their job (badly) and picking up the check.

But now Jim Harbaugh. An infinitely better coach. (With a defensive coach that is better at coaching than he is.) An endlessly entertaining presence who can turn a post-game presser into must read news in a million different ways. A man who lists Bear Bryant, Bo Schembechler and WOODY HAYES as his favorite coaches of all time. And now this. Delivering a calf. Yes, he has a lucrative deal with Fairlife Milk dairy products. But still. How do you fully and unreservedly hate a guy who delivers a calf?

Hating Meechy? Easy. Hating Harbaugh? Much bigger challenge.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Hear Me, Puny Humans.

Harken unto the Commissioner's Scrolls:

McLuvin' (Clemson, National Champions): 44 Commissioner's Cup
CCS (Wash U, douched and defeated in the semis): 38
KBronie (Florida): 26 Liberace Trophy
Randingus (Miami Hurricanes): 25
Q (TOSU flamed out in the semis): 23
SeaBass (Louisville): 19
Scoturd (Florida State): 19
Timmy! (Michigan): 17
BroFro (Boise St.): 17
Bridshit (LSU): 11
SockTool (Tennessee): 4
SkHank (Oregon): 0
DPuss (Iowa): -1
'BoSucky (TCU): -11
ClemboSlice (Notre Dame): -15 Bruce Pinkernell Award

Here's how we got to those numbers from the last game of the season BEFORE the playoffs, which is another way of saying week 14..

McLuvin': Started the playoffs ranked #3. Ended #1. 2 for the move up, 1 for the no drop, 7 for pummelling Ohio State and 12 for besting Alabama, that's a 22 total point bonanza in the last 2 weeks that put him over the top. I told the rest of you fuckers to root for Bama but you probably didn't. Now we all must suffer.

Note: I did not recalculate numbers between rounds 1 and round 2 of the playoffs. There were only 4 teams playing, though three of the four were representin' BRFLers (kudos on those picks). So, since I didn't recalculate for everyone, I only awarded 1 no drop point for McLuvin's 2 week run of glory. 

CCS; Started the playoffs ranked #4. Dumped by Bama in the first round. No move up, did get a no drop since he ended at #4. Not much else. Ends the season with 38. Close but no cigar.

KBronie: Goes into week 15 with 21. Routs Iowa 30-3 in the Outback Bowl (sorry much, DPo?).
Ranked #15 before the playoffs, ends ranked #14. 1 for the move up, 1 for the no drop, 3 for the win.
Add 5 to end with 26. You win the Liberace. This award will, in all likelihood, come to represent the apogee of your BRFL career.

Randingus: Miami was unranked going into the bowls. Randy is the only television viewer watching as the Hurricanes destroy West Virginia in the Russell Athletic Bowl. Ends up ranked #20 in the final. 5 for the move up, 3 for the win, DIDDLE, DIDDLE, DIDDLE 5 more. 13 points added to his total of 12 at the end of week 14. Ends the season at 25.

Q: Ranked #2 in the AP going into the playoff. Curb-stomped by Clemson in a night of total prime time humiliation for the Bucks and vainglorious celebration for the satanic butt-hole Dabo Swinney. Ends at #6 in the AP, drops 4 for those last two weeks. Ends at 23.

SeaScum: Enters the bowl season ranked #16 in the AP. Offence dries up and he's crushed by Bridshit and LSU in the Citrus Bowl. Ends ranked #21. 5 point nose-dive. Ends the season at 19.

Scott: Starts the bowls AP #12, beats the Maize and Blue in the Orange Bowl, ends at AP #8. 4 for the move up, 1 for the no drop, 3 for the win. Those 8 points added to his 11 puts him at 19 for the season. Butt-buddy with the Seannie.

Timmy!: He's got the evil Wolverine scUM. Meechy enters the Orange Bowl at #5 in the AP. Florida State bests Big Blue by one measly point and the AP pounds them with a drop to #10. Teebs had 22, ends with 17 BRFL points.

BroFro: Boise State was unranked going into the Cactus Bowl and they lost to headed-to-probation Baylor. Since they were unranked it's like it never happened. Zero. But the Broncos had accumulated 17 for the Bro by week 14 and that's where his balloon touches down.  Bromance with Timmy!

Bridshit: At the end of week 14 she was on the ropes. Negative 1 was her BRFL address. Then she ass-paddles Louisville in the Citrus and moves up in the AP from #21 to #13. That's 8 on the move up, 1 for the no drop, 3 for the bowl win, count 'em up, 12. Ends the season at 11. Hot-cha-cha!

ChuckMeHard: His Tennessee Vols entered bowl season unranked. (A top 10 team at the start of the season. Shit happens.) But then they  open a can of WhoopAss on the Cornhuskers in the Music City Bowl and end up ranked AP #22. That's 3 for the move up, 3 for the win and DIDDLE, DIDDLE, DIDDLE 5 more for a grand total of 11. Socky was at -7, ends at + 4.

SkHank, aka the Silent Partner: Didn't he win this thing last year, the fucker? Not this time, My Friend. Oregon was his team. And they sucked in a special way. So bad the coach got canned. So bad they didn't even go to a bowl. Exceptional sucking. Symbolically, SkHank cashes out with zero BRFL points.

DPo: Picks a shit team on a "weakness-of-schedule" gambit. Gay? Well, yeah. 16 weeks of anal violation later Iowa gets pounded in the Outback Bowl. It's an ugly capstone on a horrible season as he drops from AP #22 (yes, this shit-house team was ranked) all the way down into hell. So that's minus 3 on the drop, REAM for minus 5, which is minus 8 total, just enough to nudge him into negative territory on the season with a couple other douchebags I know.  Minus 1.

BoSucky: Fuck you, Gary Patterson and your 4:2:5 defence. Think maybe people have figured it out? A whole season of getting smoked by shitty teams. A train wreck offence. New and creative ways to lose week after week. Made sure to get beat by Georgia in the Liberty Bowl. But, again. I was unranked. So fucking unranked. Are you kidding? I was unranked for, like, most of the season. So it's as if my bowl week never happened. Like I didn't exist. But I sure exist now since I have to pay a fortune to the rest of you assholes. All except Clem, whom, it must be said, I "helped" with his pick. I finish the season at minus 11 and chock full of hate.

ClemboSlice: Notre Dame. One of the founding fathers of the BRFL deserved better. The shit-squad Domers never found their footing despite some epic side-line rants by their coach who sucks, Brian Kelley. Maybe I'm not spelling his name right. I could Google it but he's such a big asshole that I don't want to. Notre Dame did not make it to a bowl for the first time in forever. Fuck Notre Dame. Fuck you, Brian. Clem finally capitulates with minus 15. The Biggest Loser.

Okay, so let's do the money math, shall we?

First we calculate your debts:

McLuvin' owes the BRFL nothing. I don't know you anymore, Scumbag.
CCS owes McLuvin' 6 dollars.
KBronie owes McLuvin' 18 dollars and CCS 12. 30 dollars in debts.
Randilingus owes McLuvin' 19 dollars, CCSucks 13, KBronieManWoman 1 dollar. 33 total damage.
Q owes 41 bucks.
SeaWeed owes 61.
Scoturd also owes 61 since he Bro-broed up with Seannie at 19 apiece.
Timmy! owes 75.
BroFro also owes 75. Same butt-buddy principle.
Bridshit owes bigly. 129.
SockPuppet owes 199. Keeps it under 200. Nice.
SkHank owes 243. Entering the Danger Zone.
DPuss owes 255.
'BoSucky breaks the 300 barrier and owes 385.
and ClemboSlice. The number is ... 441.

Now let's have a look at your assets against your debts for your total swag:

ClemboSuke: You have none. You straight up owe $441. I'm so, so sorry.
'BoSucky, Commissioner for Life: 4 dollars. 385 minus 4 = I'm into the BRFL for $381. Thanks,                          TCU, you fucking LOSERS!
DPuss: 10 from me, 14 from Clem, 24 credits. 255 minus 24 = $231. Still deeply in the red. Kirk                      Ferentz got a big pay raise and a contract extension BEFORE the Outback Bowl, did you                    know that?
SkHank: 1 from Drew, 11 from me, 15 from Clem, 27 bucks. 243 - 27 = $216. Ouch.
SockTool:  40 dollars in credits.  Owes: $159. Tennessee was a top 10 team, did I mention that?
Bridshit: 78 bucks owed to you. Owe the BRFL: $51. And now we cross out of darkness...

BroFro: 114 dollars coming to you. Minus your 75 dollars in debts. You're in the black, $39 dollars.
Timmy!: 114 coming. Take home $39. Congratulations, Survivor.
Scoturd: 130 in swag owed. Subtract your debts of 61 bucks, you walk off with $69. Symbolic                           number for you and Seannie and your little ManCuddle.
Seannie: 130 owed. $69 in your pocket, Rump Ranger.
Q:  170 owed. Debts of 41. Ring the cash register for a cool $129. Major breakthrough, Q.
Randingle: 192 owed. You only owe 33, BOOM, you get paid $159. Nice comeback.
Kbroberace: 204 in assets minus 30 in debts, your first season rewards you with $174. And the much                     cherished Liberace Trophy.
Chipster: 360 in assets, minus the 6 you owe McLuvin' and it's a $354 payday in August for you, Bro.
McLuvin': $444 owed. No debt.  That's right, McGyver. FoFoFo in take-home pay, courtesy of your                       friends here at the BRFL.

And that's how it shakes out.
We're looking at coin flips between Seannie and Scott and between Timmy! and BroFro unless you want to wrestle to determine draft order.
And I'm putting the Jamboree payout on the calendar for Saturday August 5, 30 Fair Street. Traditionally we start at 6. It occurs to me that, with all the travel and all, that might be too late. Feedback on that would be appreciated.
This will be Kman's first BFRL jambo as a member.
We'll also be awarding the Heismaniac crown and recognizing the Gridiron Guru with a wad of cash.

Time to start the research.


Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Talkin' BRFL Scenarios, Bitches.

CCSlut has 37. That may drop a little when the Final Almighty AP comes out, since he dropped his playoff game. Say he ends at 35.

The only one who can catch him is ( Oh my GOD ), McLickMe. He had 22. He done went and won his playoff game by crushing the Men of the Scarlet and Gray. That gave him a 7 point payday. 29 total. The NCS game pays 12 points. Do the math. This turd could end up with 41, plus his no drops and move ups. Something like 45 or so altogether.

So, every BRFLer, except McDinkus, should be screaming "Roll Tide!" tonight. Every snap. Unless, of course, you want to pay Mr. McCoochie an extra 10 or 15 bucks.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Bowlapalooza Chapter 13 Results

Chapter 13:

Florida chomps Iowa, 30-3.
Wisconsin downs Western Meechy 24-18.
USC sneaks by Penn State with a last second FG, 52-49.

CCS: 2 to tie for the lead with 70.
DPo: Balls to the wall. SWEEP. 5 to go to the head of the class with 70.
KBroniePenis: 1 to limp in at 63.
BroFollicle: Never say die. SWEEP. 5 to go to 63.
SeanSkank: Big. Fat. Fucking. Zero. 60. This is what 'out of it' looks like.
BoSuke: 2 to go to 56. I'm done, People.
KillerBitch: Won't stop trying. SWEEP. 5 to go to 60.
SnottieNose: 2 to go to 54. See ya'.
McLuvin'.: 2 to go to 53. CCS has 70. You're a dead skunk in the middle of the road.
SockPupa: You finish strong, going down swinging. SWEEP. Brings you to 52. Not enough.
Randilingus: 2 to go to 51. No bang-bang fo' you, GI.
Teebs: Donald Trump Twitter twatter Editor. Multiple death threats received. Pray for our boy. 24.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Bowlapalooza Chapter 12 Results

It's payback time. Tell Woody Clemsen says, "Howdy".

Interesting comment. Here's the "explanation" from one of the Clemson co-captains. They probably learned these moves at a Jimmy Hardballs summer camp.

PS: It's "Clemson", Ivy League of the Big Ten Guy. Also, is he saying I need to be "okay" with you sticking four fingers up my ass to be a player? Interesting. It is, after all, the deep South. Things are different down there.

Chapter 12:

Georgia Tech whups up on Kentucky, 33-18.
Wash. U dumped by Bama , 7-24.
Clemson demolishes TOSU 31-0. Total wreckage. Coaching purge on the horizon.

CCS. Lands the SWEEP. Adds 5 to go to 68.
DPo. Also brings the SWEEP. 5 to go to 65.
Kman. deuce. 62. Holding down third place.
BroFro. 2 to go to 58.
SeaGra. Hammers home the SWEEP. 5 to go to 60. Suddenly within striking distance.
BoSuke. 2. Deep depression sets in. 54.
KillerBee. Another SWEEP. Rides 5 up to 55. Probably not enough.
Snottie: 2 to go to 52.
Randude: 2 to go to 49
McLuvin': Steps up with the SWEEP to go to 51. In the BRFL he picks up 7 for the TOSU ass-whip.
SockPuppet.  2 to go to 47.
Teebs! Discovered 'inspecting' a government facility in Cairo. Government not amused. 24.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Bowlapalooza Chapter 11 Results

Chapter 11:

Southern Alabama falls to Air Force, 21-45. Do I need to remind you of the words of the Mind Freak? I guess not because every one of us picked Air Force.
"Never bet against a service academy."
Meechy edged by Florida State U, 32-33. Every single one of us, including Snottie, picked Meechy.
LSU curb-stomps Louisville 29-9.

CCS: Picks up 2 to go to 63.
KMart: 1 to go to 60. LSU won.
DPull: One. 60.
BroDiddle: 1 brings him up to 56. Too bad you switched the LSU pick.
SeaScum: Uno. 55. Losing altitude.
BoSuke: 2 to go to 52. Grim outlook.
KillerBone: 1 to make 50. Not looking good.
Snottie: 1 to go to 50. Ditto on the not looking good thing.
Randong: 1. 47. Essentially finished.
McLuvin:1 to reach 46. Dead as a smelt.
SockPuppet:1 to go to 45. This is what hopelessness looks like.
Teebs!: Opium den in Shanghai apparently lost WiFi. No entry. Still 24.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life

Bowlapalooza Chapter 10 Results

 Nick Chubb rippin' it up.

Chapter 10:

Georgia rolls TCU, 31-23. It wasn't as close as the score.
Stanford handles North Carolina 25-23 without Christian What's-his-name.
Tennessee crushes the Cornhuskers 38-24. 3 for the bowl win, Sock.

CCS, boom! 3 for 3. SWEEP to take the lead with 61.
KManHole, 2 out of 3 to go to 59.
DPo, boom! Grand Slam, out of the park. SWEEP to go to 59.
BroFace, with the deuce, 55.
SeaniePony, double to go to 54.
BoSucky, 1 lonely win, 50.
Bridgeshit gets 2 right, 49.
Snottie picks up 2 to go to 49.
Randy with 2 to 46.
McLuvin', sad, lonely McLuvin' gets 1 to stall out at 45.
SockPuppet should give up. But, wait, no... SWEEP. 5 to go to 44.
Teebs driving secondary roads at night. Pays only with cash. Concealed carry. 24.

Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life