GG Week 10 Games

 Week 10.

#9 Vanderbilt at #20 Texas Longhorns. DKR-Texas Memorial Stadium. Noon. ABC. A noon game for these guys? The dude who made the schedule didn't get the memo that Vandy was really good this year.

#15 Oklahoma Sooners at #14 Tennessee. Neyland Stadium, Knoxville, TN. I know, I know. I'm sick as fuck of Oklahoma too, but there weren't that many good games this week. John Mateer looks to redeem himself as a half-way decent high-school QB2.

#17 Cincinnati Bearcats at #24 Utah Utes. Some GG hearts will be broken by the end of this game. Book it. 

And roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo,

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 9 Results

 Week 9

Texas A&M dump-trucks LSU in Baton Rouge and drives another nail into Screaming Brian Kelly's coffin. TAMU: 224 yds rushing. LSU: 60. This stat is a little skewed because LSU QB Garrett Nussmeier somehow managed to lose 44 yards on 6 carries. He wasn't sacked once. Texas A&M 49, LSU 25.

LSU's defense seems to be trying. 7 sacks, 2 TFLs, 2 INTs. But Brian Kelly's offense is ass. 

Oklahoma and Ole Miss squared off in the Palace on the Prairie and the Sooners took the 'L' 34 - 26. Trinidad Chambliss can run. John Mateer thinks he can run (he can't but that didn't stop him from trying 13 times for 17 yards.) Neither one can throw very well, except for that one beauty that Mr. Chambliss dropped into the basket for Dae'Quan Wright to stick the fork in Oklahoma. 

Brent Venables needs a new offensive coordinator.

Missouri throws a scare into the Commodores, but they still end up on the losing end. Mizzu 10, Vandy 17, at home in Nashville. Right now nobody wants to play Vanderbilt.

Q. SWEEP! 5 to make it to 21. This is kind of a big deal.

Chiba. 2 to get to 15. Hates John Mateer. 

DogTheBountyHunter. SWEEP! Needed 5 to reach 18.

Lola. SWEEP! Anchor down! Finally sticks with Vandy and it pays off. Total is 12.

Ronde'. 2 + 15 = 17.

DPo. Good Lord. 1. Up to 14 now. 

Sockpuppy. SWEEP! 5 to reach 16. Turning it around in GG? I doubt it.

KBro. SWEEP! 5 to make 25.

$$uke. 2 to stall out at 24. Hate the whole state of Oklahoma.

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to go to 26. Making a move.

Teebs. SWEEP! 5 to reach 19 and damned if you don't need every point, Mr. LSU-guy.

McLovin. 2 to make 17. Not really doing very well.

Big Dom. SWEEP! Power surge. 5 to take the lead with 27.

BroFro. 2 to make 25. Another John Mateer hater. 

Lorne Malvo,

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 8 Results

 Week 8

Q: The Holy War. BYU slides by Utah with an anemic 26 yd FG in the first half. The rest of the time the teams just traded TDs. This was a rivalry game but, still. Utah maybe shows that BYU is beatable. Bear Bachmeier is a fucked up handle for a Mormon QB. Q leads the BRFL. 33 points for Gods sakes. (See spread sheet)

Chiba: Still mystified by the Boise pick. Hangs 56 on UNLV. Didn't know UNLV had a team. The Chews breaks out of negative territory. With zero.

                                     

Dog the Bounty Hunter: Last week the Ream, this week the Bye. This weekend, BYU in Ames, Iowa. With two losses already the Cyclones need to dump the Cougars to get the dog back in The Dog. Personally? I don't think it's gonna' happen. Stock up on highly processed foods before prices go up.You have 1 point, Dog.

Lola. Oregon is #5 in the AP after mercilessly shelling Rutgers in Piscataway. Yet Lola is not exactly killing it, BRFL wise. What gives? The byzantine BRFL Rules, dumb-ass. That's what gives. Total 8 for Lola. 

Ronde' has Tennessee. Tennessee got blistered by Alabama in Tuscaloosa. Tennessee is a 2 loss team. This weekend was a major setback for Ronde's bid for the BRFL First Place Cheese. Demoted to a total of 19. Some hand-wringing about possibly missing the playoffs. Well, probably missing the playoffs. You have 19, Ronde'. A few wins away from Glory.

DPo. Nebraska. Diddle week 7. Ream Week 8. The Cornhuskers lose on the road at Minnesota. 'Braska was a risky but pontential brilliant pick. Alas. The O-line. How many times has Dylan Raiola been sacked? 9 times against Minnesota. Fucking 9 times! Deceiving stat. His total sacks on the season are not that high but if you watch a Nebraska game you'll see Mr. Raiola running for his life and Houdini-ing the pocket just to get a pass off. Frequently. Sad. You have 8, Po. Ski-U-Mah.

SockPuppy. TAMU beating up on everyone. And yet, 45 - 42 over Arkansas? Sure, it was on the road but like does Arkansas even have a coach? Woo-Pig-Suey, Bro. Cause for concern? You have 31.

KBro. Opens up a can of Whoop-ass on lowly Clemson. You almost feel he should get a Diddle for that. Sadly, no. 1 point. Minus 9 the total. Which is better than minus 10. Is there hope for the Southern Methodists? It's not for me to say.

$$uke. Arizona State dumps undefeated Texas Tech in Tempe. Honestly? This was almost like an Act of God. Sam Leavitt bounced passes off TTech defender's facemasks. He hit them in the hands with the ball. He hit one of them in the chest with it. Yet, they had no picks. TTech knocked the ball loose over and over again and still. No fumble recoveries. With 2 minutes left Texas Tech led 22 - 19. And the Sun Devils marched it down the field and found the end zone. It was worth watching this often boring game just to see the pandemonium as the fans took over the field. A Diddle keeps $$uke alive with minus 7 total. 

Psycho. Illinois with the bye week. Weird thing. The AP moves the Illini into the poll (Diddle) at #23 (2) more. Big weekend almost takes Psycho off life-support. Minus 1 is your total. 

Timmy! Weekend from Hell in Nashville. LSU takes the 'L' from red-hot Vanderbilt and Teebs gets the Ream. The AP is merciless and drops him 10 spots. He had a respectable 7. Now he has minus 3. To live is to suffer. And it's TAMU this weekend. 

McLovin. Alabama drops Tennesseee. We've been over this. McLovin is gaining ground and I, for one, am uncomfortable with it. 13 point total.

Big Dom. So dominant against the Sun Devils last week, this week they take the Ream from the Mormons across the street. We've talked about this. Minus 7 weekend. Still, a respectable 10 on the year. Not sure what to think about the Utes.

BroFro. Again we ask ourselves, why Memphis? I believe they got the Diddle last week. This week they just douche it up all over the place and lose to the University of Alabama at Birmingham. Puzzling. With this week's Ream, the Bro's total is 10 on the season.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 8 Results

Week 8

Ole Miss was undefeated coming into Athens, GA this weekend. Ole Miss 35, Georgia 43. The Lane Train takes a hit. And now it's a second road trip for the Rebs, this time to Oklahoma. The struggle is real. 

Anchor down!

It's not just Diego Pavia. The Commodores are a problem. 'Dores 31, Tigers 24. LSU has now lost 2 of their last 3. Lose one more and they're effectively dead in the water. You hate to see it.

Notre Dame 34, USC 24. The Lincoln Riley experiment in Southern California is giving off Frankenstein vibes. Domers are a two loss team but they seem to be getting better every week. Good. They can get into the playoffs and lose again. 

Q. 2 to go to 16. Falling off the pace a little here, Q.

Chiba. 2 to go to 13. Not much to get excited about here.

DogTBH. 1 to make 13. Ditto. 

Lola. 1. Really?! You have 7.

Ronde'. 2 to reach 15. No sweep for you.

DPo. SWEEP! 5 to get to 13. Effort.

Sockpuppy. 2 to get to 11. A good week for you. Sort of.

KBro. Grabs 2 to reach 20. Definitely a player in GG this year, something we're not used to.

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to jump up to 22. Love me.

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to hit 21. Sir Sweeps-a-lot.

Teebs. 1 to make 14. Come on, Timmy!

McLovin. 1 to make 15. Being a contrarian in GG is sometimes not the way to go.

Big Dom. SWEEP! 5 to make 22. Nice.

BroFro. SWEEP! 5 to bust out to 23, leader of the pack. He's in the groove again.

That'll do it.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 9 Games

 Week 9

#8 Ole Miss at #13 Oklahoma. Noon. ABC. Sick of both of these teams but it should be a good game. They both kind of have to win to stay relevant. If they lose? Well, fuck 'em.

#15 Missouri at #10 Vanderbilt. 3:30 ABC. Is Missouri any good? Does the Vandy magic finally wear off? Again, YOU make the call.

#3 Texas A&M at #20 LSU. Brian Kelly, the secret password this week is "hosed". Totally and completely, if you drop this one at home. A tall mountain to climb? Sure. Difficult. Not impossible. 

And, just like that, it's an All-SEC weekend.

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 8 Games

 Week 8

#10 LSU at #17 Vanderbilt.  Noon. ABC. Anchor Down. The password this week, Brian Kelly, is "Rage". Blind, screaming, throwing shit "rage".

#5 Ole Miss at # 9 Georgia. 3:30. ABC. Can Kirby Smart get his shit together? Or does he get owned by the Rebs? You make the call. 

#20 USC at #13 Notre Dame. 7:30. NBC p'cock. The Men of Troy handled their business against Meechy. Was it a fluke? Do they suck on the road? 

It's not for me to say. 

I thought about making it an all SEC weekend (Tennessee at Alabama) but then, a little voice in my head said, "Fuck that shit."

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 7 Results

Week 7

Alabama 27 @ Missouri 24. He may look like a pervert but he sure can ball. Ty Simpson puts the Tide on his back and goes 23/31 and 200 yds for 3 TDs and 0 INTs. QBR? 77.6. Did some shit with his legs, too. Don't wanna talk about it. 

Texas Longhorns 23, Oklahoma 6 (two field goals), in Dallas. Time for the Haters to give it a rest and for the Commissioner to retire the handle 'Farch'.  The Boys in Burnt Orange decide to quit fucking around and just beat the living shit out of undefeated and 6th ranked Oklahoma. The Horn's defense picked off what's-his-name three times. Don't punt to this fucker. And, late in the game, what's-his-name became sack bait. 

Brent Venables is no Steve Sarkisian.

BYU 33 @ Arizona 27, 2 OT. BYU is for real and still undefeated. Who the fuck is this Bear Bachmeier Bro? He tossed 2 INTs but he did a lot of good stuff too. Q on her own personal BRFL Revenge Tour and loving it. 

Q. 2 to make 14. Adequate.

Chiba. SWEEP! 5 to move up to 11. Suddenly a player. Sort of.

DTBH. 2 to reach 12. Listened to somebody on the Texas game. Bad idea.

Lola. No entry. Did I miss them? Stay at 6 for now. Which is really bad.

Ronde'. 1 to go to 13. Hanging on.

DPo. 2 to go to 8. No comment.

Sock. 1. Now you have 9. Not good.

KBro. SWEEP! 5 to go to 18 and tied for the lead.

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to go to 17. Need every point because I have Arizona State.

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to go to 16. But you have Illinois.

Teebs. 2 to make 13. Picking up the pace. A little. 

McLovin. 2 to reach 14. Anxiety level is 'Yellow".

BigDom. 2 to make 17. Also got a DIDDLE! this week. Four hour erection. 

BroFro. SWEEP! Ties for the lead after 5 more to make 18. Anxiety level 'Orange'.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 7 Games

 GG Week 7

#8 Alabama Crimson Tide @ #14 Missouri Tigers. Noon. ABC. Missouri needs this win if they want to be taken seriously. They run the ball well. Alabama snags turnovers well. They also have a surging, talented, somewhat creepy QB. Road game for the Tide. 

#6 Oklahoma Sooners @ unranked Texas Longhorns. 3:30. CBS. Red River Rivalry. in the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. Of course this game has been 'branded' and is sponsored by Allstate. 

Be protected from Mayhem. 

Get your shit together, Farch Manning.  

#18 Brigham Young U Cougars @ unranked Arizona U Wildcats. 8 PM. ESPN2. I know shit about either team. Could go either way. Arizona unranked. I don't know. Is BYU good? Q hopes so.

Let's roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 6 Results

 Week 6

There were 4 sweeps this week. Guess who one of them was? 

We'll get to that.

Iowa State Cyclones 30, Cincinnati Bearcats 38. This looks like it was a close game. It wasn't. Cincinnati reeled off 17 unanswered points in the first quarter and it took until the end of the third quarter for this shit-show to start looking like it might be a game. But then the refs went crazy and starting tossing the hankies every other play, starting at 14:07 in the fourth quarter when then flagged the Cyclones' coach for unsportsmanlike conduct. From then on there was a penalty, like, every other play. I quit counting at 21. Personal fouls. Back to back false starts. The favorite was 'illegal player downfield' on the RPOs. The peronal fouls went against the 'Clones. Everything else went against Cincy. Whatever.

Vanderbilt 14, Alabama 30. This game was actually closer than the score looks. There was some hitting going on. Sean Payton must have crawled out from under the tool shed and offered a bounty on Diego Pavia (though why he would do that I have no idea). He got knocked around. A lot. Alabama was too much for the Commodores. The Bama QB is fiery in a fucking-geek-stay-away-from-my-sister way. 

Miami Hurricanes 28, Florida State 22. Florida Man on Florida Man violence is pretty vicious. That nobody died as a result of this game is a miracle. Florida State is good but Miami looks like championship calibre shit. This year's Portal Jackpot winner looks to be Carson Beck who was rainbowing picture perfect piss missiles and dropping them in the basket of a couple of very fast young black guys. Still gotta' think Mario Cristobal finds a way to fuck this up.

Q: 1. Now you have 12. Regression to the mean.

Chiba. 2. You have 6. Stinky.

DogTheBountyHunter. 2. Up to 10 now. Cheating?

Lola. 1. Total 6. So bad at this.

Ronde'. 0. GUTTERBALL. Two weeks in a row. Still, total 12.

DPo. 1. Total 6. You have a lot of things going for you. GG isn't one of them.

SockPuppy. 2. Have 8. I smell farts.

KBro. SWEEP! 5 to go to 13. You usually suck at GG. What gives?

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to go to 12. Door mat? Not this week, assholes. 

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to go to 11. Out of the darkness crawls the Devil Spawn.

Teebs. 1. You have 11. Just another turd in the bowl, Timmy!

McLovin. 1. Total 12. So much better than your usual bottom-feeder role.

Big Dom. 2. Total 15. Still holds the lead. Investigation pending.

BreauxFreaux. SWEEP! 5 to make it 13. I feel threatened. 

I have eyes on all of you.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

Week 5 GG Results

 Week 5 GG.

LSU 19, Ole Miss 24. This was a tough game to pick, until it wasn't. LSU can't run the ball. Garrett Nussmeier was once a September Heisman candidate. No longer. Ole Miss drops LSU behind their 6 foot tall, former D2, back-up QB Trinidad Chambliss. Brian Kelly still in the medical tent. 

Oregon 24, Penn State 24, double overtime. Oh, for Christ's sake. Oregon, vile Oregon, is up 17 - 3 with 12:25 left in the fourth quarter. And then, magically, Penn State realizes it's in a football game and finds the end zone on consecutive possessions, then stuffs Dan Lanning's ass on downs to go to overtime. Penn State scores again, but Dingle-hole Dan's turd-posse answers. 2nd OT. Danny Dildo and the Ducks find pay-dirt but can't pay-off the 2 point conversion. PSU with the ball back. It's first down. FIRST DOWN. And Drew Allar tries to force a pass in to his tight end who is squeezed between three asshole Duck defenders and the sideline. Interception. Game over. Now we have to hear the 'Big Game James' shit again. Team douchebag acts like team douchebag after the final play. Surprise! Dan Lanning. 

Alabama 24, Georgia 21, between the hedges in Athens, Georgia. Alabama owns Kirby Smart. Is Alabama good or is Georgia just not that great without its 7th year senior QB and truck full of giant Tight Ends? Marticus Ryanus once said, "College football is cyclical". 

The wisdom is real. 

Q. 1. Total 11. Slippin'.

Chiba. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 4. There are no words.

DogTBH. 1. Total 8. Ugh.

Lola. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 5. Sad.

Ronde'. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 12. What the fuck?

DPo. 2 to go to 5. At least someone is trying. 

Sock. 1 to go to 6. Shitburger.

KBro. 1 to go to 8. Big deal.

$$uke. 1 to go to 7. Employees must wash hands after using the toilet.

Psycho. 1 to make 6. Remediation.

Teebs. 0. GUTTERBALL. Still has 10. But sucks.

McLovin. SWEEP! The only one who picked Alabama. 5 to go to 11. Breathtaking. 

BigDom. 2 to go to 13. Pretty good. The Leader.

BreauxFreaux. 1 to make 8? What's your deal? You okay?

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life