GG Week 7 Results

Week 7

Alabama 27 @ Missouri 24. He may look like a pervert but he sure can ball. Ty Simpson puts the Tide on his back and goes 23/31 and 200 yds for 3 TDs and 0 INTs. QBR? 77.6. Did some shit with his legs, too. Don't wanna talk about it. 

Texas Longhorns 23, Oklahoma 6 (two field goals), in Dallas. Time for the Haters to give it a rest and for the Commissioner to retire the handle 'Farch'.  The Boys in Burnt Orange decide to quit fucking around and just beat the living shit out of undefeated and 6th ranked Oklahoma. The Horn's defense picked off what's-his-name three times. Don't punt to this fucker. And, late in the game, what's-his-name became sack bait. 

Brent Venables is no Steve Sarkisian.

BYU 33 @ Arizona 27, 2 OT. BYU is for real and still undefeated. Who the fuck is this Bear Bachmeier Bro? He tossed 2 INTs but he did a lot of good stuff too. Q on her own personal BRFL Revenge Tour and loving it. 

Q. 2 to make 12. Adequate.

Chiba. SWEEP! 5 to move up to 11. Suddenly a player. Sort of.

Lola. No entry. Did I miss them? Stay at 6 for now. Which is really bad.

Ronde'. 1 to go to 13. Hanging on.

DPo. 2 to go to 8. No comment.

Sock. 1. Now you have 9. Not good.

KBro. SWEEP! 5 to go to 18 and tied for the lead. 

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to go to 17. Need every point because I have Arizona State.

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to go to 16. But you have Illinois.

Teebs. 2 to make 13. Picking up the pace. A little. 

McLovin. 2 to reach 14. Anxiety level is 'Yellow".

BigDom. 2 to make 17. Also got a DIDDLE! this week. Four hour erection. 

BroFro. SWEEP! Ties for the lead after 5 more to make 18. Anxiety level 'Orange'.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 7 Games

 GG Week 7

#8 Alabama Crimson Tide @ #14 Missouri Tigers. Noon. ABC. Missouri needs this win if they want to be taken seriously. They run the ball well. Alabama snags turnovers well. They also have a surging, talented, somewhat creepy QB. Road game for the Tide. 

#6 Oklahoma Sooners @ unranked Texas Longhorns. 3:30. CBS. Red River Rivalry. in the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. Of course this game has been 'branded' and is sponsored by Allstate. 

Be protected from Mayhem. 

Get your shit together, Farch Manning.  

#18 Brigham Young U Cougars @ unranked Arizona U Wildcats. 8 PM. ESPN2. I know shit about either team. Could go either way. Arizona unranked. I don't know. Is BYU good? Q hopes so.

Let's roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 6 Results

 Week 6

There were 4 sweeps this week. Guess who one of them was? 

We'll get to that.

Iowa State Cyclones 30, Cincinnati Bearcats 38. This looks like it was a close game. It wasn't. Cincinnati reeled off 17 unanswered points in the first quarter and it took until the end of the third quarter for this shit-show to start looking like it might be a game. But then the refs went crazy and starting tossing the hankies every other play, starting at 14:07 in the fourth quarter when then flagged the Cyclones' coach for unsportsmanlike conduct. From then on there was a penalty, like, every other play. I quit counting at 21. Personal fouls. Back to back false starts. The favorite was 'illegal player downfield' on the RPOs. The peronal fouls went against the 'Clones. Everything else went against Cincy. Whatever.

Vanderbilt 14, Alabama 30. This game was actually closer than the score looks. There was some hitting going on. Sean Payton must have crawled out from under the tool shed and offered a bounty on Diego Pavia (though why he would do that I have no idea). He got knocked around. A lot. Alabama was too much for the Commodores. The Bama QB is fiery in a fucking-geek-stay-away-from-my-sister way. 

Miami Hurricanes 28, Florida State 22. Florida Man on Florida Man violence is pretty vicious. That nobody died as a result of this game is a miracle. Florida State is good but Miami looks like championship calibre shit. This year's Portal Jackpot winner looks to be Carson Beck who was rainbowing picture perfect piss missiles and dropping them in the basket of a couple of very fast young black guys. Still gotta' think Mario Cristobal finds a way to fuck this up.

Q: 1. Now you have 12. Regression to the mean.

Chiba. 2. You have 6. Stinky.

DogTheBountyHunter. 2. Up to 10 now. Cheating?

Lola. 1. Total 6. So bad at this.

Ronde'. 0. GUTTERBALL. Two weeks in a row. Still, total 12.

DPo. 1. Total 6. You have a lot of things going for you. GG isn't one of them.

SockPuppy. 2. Have 8. I smell farts.

KBro. SWEEP! 5 to go to 13. You usually suck at GG. What gives?

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to go to 12. Door mat? Not this week, assholes. 

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to go to 11. Out of the darkness crawls the Devil Spawn.

Teebs. 1. You have 11. Just another turd in the bowl, Timmy!

McLovin. 1. Total 12. So much better than your usual bottom-feeder role.

Big Dom. 2. Total 15. Still holds the lead. Investigation pending.

BreauxFreaux. SWEEP! 5 to make it 13. I feel threatened. 

I have eyes on all of you.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

Week 5 GG Results

 Week 5 GG.

LSU 19, Ole Miss 24. This was a tough game to pick, until it wasn't. LSU can't run the ball. Garrett Nussmeier was once a September Heisman candidate. No longer. Ole Miss drops LSU behind their 6 foot tall, former D2, back-up QB Trinidad Chambliss. Brian Kelly still in the medical tent. 

Oregon 24, Penn State 24, double overtime. Oh, for Christ's sake. Oregon, vile Oregon, is up 17 - 3 with 12:25 left in the fourth quarter. And then, magically, Penn State realizes it's in a football game and finds the end zone on consecutive possessions, then stuffs Dan Lanning's ass on downs to go to overtime. Penn State scores again, but Dingle-hole Dan's turd-posse answers. 2nd OT. Danny Dildo and the Ducks find pay-dirt but can't pay-off the 2 point conversion. PSU with the ball back. It's first down. FIRST DOWN. And Drew Allar tries to force a pass in to his tight end who is squeezed between three asshole Duck defenders and the sideline. Interception. Game over. Now we have to hear the 'Big Game James' shit again. Team douchebag acts like team douchebag after the final play. Surprise! Dan Lanning. 

Alabama 24, Georgia 21, between the hedges in Athens, Georgia. Alabama owns Kirby Smart. Is Alabama good or is Georgia just not that great without its 7th year senior QB and truck full of giant Tight Ends? Marticus Ryanus once said, "College football is cyclical". 

The wisdom is real. 

Q. 1. Total 11. Slippin'.

Chiba. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 4. There are no words.

DogTBH. 1. Total 8. Ugh.

Lola. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 5. Sad.

Ronde'. 0. GUTTERBALL. Total 12. What the fuck?

DPo. 2 to go to 5. At least someone is trying. 

Sock. 1 to go to 6. Shitburger.

KBro. 1 to go to 8. Big deal.

$$uke. 1 to go to 7. Employees must wash hands after using the toilet.

Psycho. 1 to make 6. Remediation.

Teebs. 0. GUTTERBALL. Still has 10. But sucks.

McLovin. SWEEP! The only one who picked Alabama. 5 to go to 11. Breathtaking. 

BigDom. 2 to go to 13. Pretty good. The Leader.

BreauxFreaux. 1 to make 8? What's your deal? You okay?

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life