GG Week 13 Results

 Week 13.

The Ponies are back. SMU ass-whips Louisville on the road, 38 - 6. The Big-12 is so confusing that I've lost track of whether this beat-down matters. The AP loved it and so did BroniePony Boy. Q is the only one who picked Louisville. Not sure why. Let's keep her in our prayers, Guys. 

Oregon 42, USC 27. Lincoln Riley still hasn't figured out the whole defense thing. It's nice that the TroyMen threw for 330 yards but, well, Oregon picked up a total of 436 and 179 of that was running the ball. USC rushed for a team total of 52 yards. Rang up zero sacks. 2 TFLs. 1 INT. 

Not that you give a shit but I can't hate Dan Lanning anymore. He called out the SEC for scheduling week 13 games with Coastal Carolina, Mercer, Eastern Illinois (Roll Tide!), Charlotte and Samford. Book 'em, Dan-O. Murder One. 

Pitt 42, Georgia Tech 28. This looks like a blow out and it was. In the first quarter. Then Georgia Tech got their shit straightened around and turned it into a game. If not for an untimely pick-six (a 100 yard pick-six) it could have been maybe, sort of, well ... different. This is the usual fucked up shit that goes on in the ACC so shout out to Ronde', $$uke and Teebs for picking the Panthers. 

Q: Add 2 to reach 27. Good. 

ChibaChews: Add 2 to go up to 25. Not so good.

DogTheBountyHunter: 2 to make 24. Getting less good.

Lola: 2 to get ... 22. This is bad.

Ronde': SWEEP! 5 to go to 29. Comeback time?

DPo: 2 to make 25. Not trying that hard.

SockPuppy: 2 to reach 26. Meh.

KBroneyPonyBoy: 2 and now he has 35. Clawing his way toward World Domination.

$$uke: SWEEP! 5 to make 25. $$uke, The Resurrection. 

Psycho: 2 gives him 36. So close, but those GTech boys fucked you over.

Teeblations; SWEEP! 5 to make 31 and you, my lad, are definitely a player now.

McLovin: 2 added to your 23 gives you 25. $$uke has that after betting the ranch and losing. How does that make you feel? About yourself I mean?

Big Dom: 2. A chance for glory slips away with your numbskull bet on GTech. Still, you have 37.

BreauxFreaux: 2 to reach 36. You're hurting. You're healing. There's always next week.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 12 Results

 Week 12.

McLovin was working on a half-chub when he told me about his SWEEP last weekend. Like, 'DUDE, I swept!'. 

Being the Commissioner is sometimes hard. You have to ask the tough questions. Deliver bad news. Make your own kin feel like shit. So I didn't enjoy doing it but I told 'Lovin that, yeah, it was really great that he got a sweep and all but, then again, so did ten other people out of a possible fourteen. So, you know, like, feather my bung, Bitch.

Notre Dame guts Pittsburgh on the road, 37 -15. Jeremiah Love runs for twice as many yards as the whole Pittsburgh team. CJ Carr kind of plays like shit, tossing 2 INTs and gaining 7 yards on 5 totes. Best part of the game was Marcus Freeman shoving Pat Narduzzi when he went to convert the obligatory post-game coach's handshake into an awkward man-hug. Like, get the fuck off me, Sweaty White Guy.

My favorite Notre Dame player's name? Junior Tuihalamaka. Close second? Boubacar Traore. Good Irish  lads from the Old Sod. 

USC sneaks by Iowa 26 -21 at home. In a driving rain. In Los Angeles. Mark Gronowski does not play well. USC's defense plays just well enough. Why does Iowa give the west coast teams of the B1G Ten such trouble? Are the west coast teams, I hate to even think this, pussies? Can they not handle a little Man Bawl from chronically overpaid and underachieving Kirk Ferentz? I don't know. Look, let's just forget I even brought it up. 

Georgia violates Texas 35 -10 between the hedges and turns what was supposed to be a  marquee game into a giggler. Gunner Stockton puts on a show: 24/29 for 229 and 4 TDs (an INT, too, so there's that) and 6 carries for 29 yards and a touchdown. Arch Manning's stat line was, eh, not as good.

Texas can't run the ball. Their defense is tired. Georgia looks like a sack full of starving raccoons dropped in the meat department of Price Chopper.

Q. 2. Admire the way you will always pick Iowa. 2 to make 25.

Chiba. SWEEP! 5 adds up to 23.

DTBH. 2. Also a compulsive Iowa picker. 2 to get 22.

Lola. SWEEP! 5 plus 15 equals 20. You don't see that every day.

Ronde'. SWEEP! 5 to reach 24. Turning it around maybe?

DPo. SWEEP! 5 to your 18 makes 23. My take on you is that I don't know what the hell to think about you.

Sock. SWEEP! 5 to reach 24. I would keep an eye on Q's GG scores if I were you. But I'm not you. 

KBro. SWEEP! 5 moves you up to 33. Nice. Could be better.

$$uke. SWEEP! 5 to make 20 after being decimated in a failed Bet the Ranch bid last week.

Psycho. SWEEP! 5 to your 29 gives you 34. Almost dominant.

Teebs. 2 to make 26. Iowa, Teeblations? Pourquoi?

McLovin. SWEEP! 5 to bust up to 23. Not so special but I'm still proud of you.

Big Dom. SWEEP! Add 5 to your 30 and you are the Leader with 35. I fart in your general direction.

BroFro. SWEEP! 5 to getcha' to 34. So close. Have you thought of just killing Big Dom?

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 13 Games

 Week 13.

Louisville at SMU. Noon on  ESPN2. The Ponies still have a playoff shot but they must win out, leaving Breaux Freaux with a damp set of undies down the stretch. Louisville blew their chances last week by douching out vs Clemson by mysteriously missing two field goals on consecutive possessions in the fourth quarter. Point shaving much? 

USC at Oregon. Autzen Stadium. 3:30 on CBS. Hello again, Gary Danielson. 

USC can take a giant step toward the playoffs by dumping the ducks on the road. In fact, a USC upset here makes the boring-as-fuck B1G Ten interesting again. 

Who do you hate more, Dan Lanning or Lincoln Riley? I know what my answer is. And it's not Lincoln Riley.

Pittsburgh at Georgia Tech. 7 PM. ESPN. Both of these teams have playoff aspirations. Can Pitt flip the script and get a faceful of bunghole? It's not for me to say.

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 11 Results

 Week 11 Results

BYU takes a little trip down to Lubbock and also takes an ass-beatin' from TTech. BYU 7, Texas Tech 29. And the Cougar's 7 came in the 4th quarter when the game was effectively over. Most of us nailed this one. The Red Raiders are for real. 

Texas A&M goes on the road and pushes Missouri around for four quartes. TAMU 38, Missouri 17. Missouri was without their QB1 so only McLovin picked them.

Hats off to Ronde' and Teebs who didn't forget that DJ Lagway, the Florida signal caller, is a fragile, broken shell of a man. I couldn't watch this game anymore after the Gators went three and out on their first possession of the third quarter. Kentucky 38, Florida 7 (those 7 were in the first quarter, by the way). Lagway tosses three interceptions and apparently gets yanked for some guy named Tramell Jones, Jr. Florida also loses a fumble. Kentucky gets in on the Turnoverpalooza with 1 pick and three lost fumbles. 

This comedy of errors caused $$uke considerable pain, since he bet the ranch and you don't get nothin' for two out of three. 

Q. 1 to go to 23. 

Chiba. 2 to make 18. One of your best showings.

DTBH. 1 to make 20.

Lola. Texted picks in from Guatemala. Now that's effort. 2 to make 15.

Ronde'. 2 to reach 19.

DPo. 2 to  make it to 18.

Sockpocket. 2 to garner 19 on the season.

KBro. 2 to make 28. Acute pain watching his Gators crumble. 

$$uke. Had 26. Bet the Ranch. Lost 13 of those. Got 2 right. Add it up, Bitch. I have 15.

Psycho. 2 to get 29.

Teebs. SWEEP! The only one. 5 to make it 24. Suddenly a Star.

McLovin. 1 to make it 18. Just stop it.

Big Dom. 2 to reach 30. The GG Leader. 

BroFro. 2 to make 29.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 12 Games

 Week 12

#10 Notre Dame at #24 Pittsburgh, Acrisure Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA. Noon on ABC. As of now, the home team is an 11.5 point dog to Notre Dame. 

#20 Iowa at #19 USC, in LA. Who the fuck cheats on the punting unit? USC, that's who. This game is at 3:30 and, as far as I can tell, it is not televised. Probably you can find it on the B1G Network. I cannot and I will not feature another game with fucking Oklahoma. 

#11 Texas at #5 Georgia, in Athens, at 7:30 on ABC. Yes, I am sick to death of these assholes too. But this is an intriguing game. Georgia came close to losing to Florida (okay, it was a neutral site) and Florida is an incredibly dysfunctional team this year. And, as far as Texas is concerned, are they good? It depends on the week. I don't know the answer. 

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 11 Games

 Week 11

#8 BYU at #9 Texas Tech, in Lubbock. Big game? Sure. Really big. Noon on ABC. 

#3 Texas A&M at #19 Missouri. On Faurot Field in Columbia, Missouri. Should be a blow out. Should be. 3:30 on ABC.

Florida at Kentucky. 7:30. The SEC Network. In Lexington. Kentucky should get their asses kicked. But this is Florida. Are they a lot more talented than Kentucky? Of course. Can they still find a way to lose to Kentucky? Hell yes. Will they? How the hell am I supposed to know that?

Roll the bones.

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 10 Results

 Week 10

Arch Manning was in 'concussion protocol' this week. Which means he was sure to play Saturday. 25/33, 328 yds passing, 3 TDs and 0 INTs and most of that was without Ryan Wingo, his best receiver who left the game with an injury.

Texas 34 over Vandy 31.

Oklahoma dumps Tennessee in Knoxville, 33 - 27. John Mateer walks in for the go ahead score. 

Utah carpet bombs Cincinnati 45 -14 at home. Didn't see this kind of a beat-down coming. 

No sweeps.

Q: 1. Total 22. Not bad

ChibaChews: 1. Adds up to 16. Not good.

DTBH. 1. Total 19. Meh.

Lola. 1. Total 13. This is 'bad'.

Ronde'. 0. Another GUTTERBALL. 17 total. 

DPo. 2. 16 total. Stinky.

Sock. 1. 17. Low energy guy.

KBro. 1. 26 the total. Oh. What could have been.

$$uke. 2. Now with 26. Fucking Tennessee.

Psycho. 1. 27 total. 

Teebs. 0. GUTTERBALL. 19 total.

McLovin. 0. GUTTERBALL. 17 total. Putrid.

Big Dom. 1. In the lead with 28

BroFro. 2 to make 27. Dangerous player. 

Lorne Malvo

Commissioner for Life