My guess: Johnny Manziel will be suspended before the end of next year. He flashes wads of cash at the casinos, he is courtside at every NBA game, he reeks of improper benefits. If the dude wasn't so freaking white, he'd be banging a Kardashian. The dude is living in powder keg and giving off sparks.(Check out the Bonnie Tyler "Total Eclipse of the Heart" mad sampling I done did).
But he is not like you. He isn't even like me. He's like Dude Perfect. And that, like, makes him god-like with an oblate spheroid in his man-sized, firm-yet-supple Johnny Football hands. Maybe it's my man-crush talking, but I feel like I'm being drawn to this bad boy. I know it can only end badly. But maybe I can be his make-believe bro-friend. What could go wrong?
Why settle for make-believe-bro-friend, DBung?! Dare to follow your heart. Go Butts-up to the awesome Aggie. You won't be the first. But maybe...the Best?
ReplyDeleteHere's what can go wrong: Johnny SuckBalls continues to flaunt his dude-perfectness. Rains cash down on strippers, gets more pub at NBA games than Spike What's-his-name, starts tapping ho after ho and they all, all his bitches, make the Alabama guy's skank look played.
A&M gets Bama at home next year. They arrive at that date undefeated, Bama too. 2 nights before the big game Johnny Meatballs gets pulled over driving erraticly, shit-faced, coach's daughter polishing his knob in the front seat, Dean of Students beloved dog wrapped around the front axle of the Lincoln Navigator he's got on loan from some pimp in Columbus, Ohio. And it's the car that does him in. NCAA sanctions. Aggies start Johnny fucking Nobody's back up, get thrashed by the Tide, Tide three-peats the BCS, Snott commits suicide.
Sounds plausable.....McMichiganSucks
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