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Sunday, January 25, 2026

Bowlopalypse Final Chapter Results.

 GG. The Final Chapter.


                                                  


Hello, Oregon.


January, 9th:
Indiana hangs 56 on Oregon in the first game of the CFP Semis. Indiana 56, Oregon 22, the final. This was when you knew Indiana was truly not fucking around. 
Indiana's defense gets 3 sacks, 10 TFLs and an INT for a pick six. Oregon rushes for, collectively, 93 yards. Mendoza goes 17/20 and 5 TDs against 0 INTs for the Hoosiers. 
    
Michael Irvin doing Michael Irvin shit.
                                            

January 10:
In the desert, in the Fiesta Bowl, Miami edges Ole Miss 31 -27. Carson Beck had minus 6 yards rushing on the day ( he was sacked 4 times) but his 3 yard scramble for 6 sunk the Rebs with 18 ticks left on the clock. Mark Fletcher, 133 yds on 22 totes. 
Mark Fletcher is a problem for defenses. 
Miami's defense mostly kept a lid on Trinidad Chambliss and the Ole Miss offense. Lane Kiffin not welcome in Mississippi. 


3 Hoosier pancake at the 4 yard line.



And then. In Miami Gardens, FL., Indiana University dumps Miami, 27 - 21. But for the huge crowd of Indiana fans, this could have been, more or less, a home game for Miami, on their home field. But no, the Hoosier fans showed up. So did heavy underdog Miami. Carson Beck tosses the inevitable interception to stop what looked likely to be an epic game winning drive. Honestly, who among us thought Carson Beck's brain was hitting on all cylinders after getting nuked on a roughing the passer call, with 1:26 left? Maybe that's why his last pass as a 6th year senior was underthrown to a receiver bracketed by two Indiana DBs. I don't know. It's not for me to say.
                      



    

However.
Let's remember, Friends, who's laughing all the way to the bank here. It's Carson Beck. Invited to not return to Georgia after last year's playoff ending injury ("We're sorry you need to have the elbow of your throwing arm reconstructed but we're heading in a different direction, Carson"), C Beck says "Oh, yeah?!" and picks up a 3 million dollar bag from Miami, returns to form after a nasty rehab and takes the 'Canes one wrong coverage read and an underthrown ball from the National Championship. Significantly upping his draft stock along the way. 
And I don't give a shit that he didn't shake Fernando Mendoza's hand after the game. 

               

Remember that for this GG round you got 1 point for each semi-final game you got right and 2 points if you picked the Championship game correctly. 6 points for a SWEEP!

Q. Picked up 3. Ends the season with 45.
Chiba Chews. SWEEP! 6 points boosts him to a final of 45.
DogTheBountyHunter. 3 points. Total 36. His worst showing by far. What's the deal?
Lola. SWEEP! 6 brings you to 41. Far better than most years.
Ronde'. SWEEP! 6 points takes him to 44. Saved it for the end he did. 
DPo. 3. Total 37. Lacked motivation.
SockPuppet. SWEEP! 6 lands you at 49. Pretty good.
KBronie. 3. Could have really used a SWEEP here. Alas, no. 53.
$$uke the Mindless. GUTTERBALL! 0. First of the year. End with a puny 37.
Psycho. GUTTERBALL! 0. Placed wild bets hoping for upsets. We've all been there. Total 48.
Teeblations. SWEEP! Picks up 6 to top out at 54. So, so impressive. 
McLovin. SWEEP! Have to think he cheated. 6 to end the season with 43.
Big Dom. SWEEP! Crushes the final chapter for 6 and a total of 56, which ties  him for the GG crown with...
BroFro. SWEEP! 6 to slide home with 56. I warned you and warned you about this turd. Never, ever count him out of GG until the final tally. 

"What about my BRFL points?", you're thinking.

1st place, Big Dom and BreauxFreaux each get 10.
2nd place, Teebs gets 9.
3rd place, KBroni earns 8.
4th place, SockPuppet with 7.
5th place is Psycho and that's good for 6 points.
6th place, Chiba and Q, each get 5 points. 
7th place, that's Ronde' with 44 and he picks up 4 points.
8th place, give it up for Lola, People, 3 points.
9th place, that's McLovin, with 39. I remember when he was in last place. 2 points.
10th place, otherwise known as last place, $$uke the Mindless and DPo. 1 point each. Sad.

No points for you, DTBH.


Lorne Malvo
Commissioner for Life


Monday, January 5, 2026

Bowlapolypse, The Final Chapter

 CFP Semis and the Championship Game


Ole Miss vs U of Miami
Vrbo Fiesta Bowl
Jan 8, 7:30 PM, ESPN
State Farm Stadium, Glendale, AZ


Oregon vs Indiana U
Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl
Jan 9, 7:30 PM, ESPN
Mercedes-Benz Stadium, Atlanta, GA



You pick 'em
CFP Championship
Jan 19, ESPN
Hard Rock Stadium, Miami Gardens, FL

Here's the deal:
Pick the first two games. One point for each correct pick.
Predict the winner, get two points. 
Nail all three of these games (Fiesta Bowl winner, Peach Bowl winner and the winner of the final) get 6 GG points for the SWEEP.
So you could get zero, one, two, three, or six, in this last round. 

Picks (including the final) must be in by January 8th Fiesta Bowl kickoff.

Roll the Bones. 

Lorne Malvo
Commissioner for Life

Friday, January 2, 2026

GG Bowls, Chapter 3 Results

 Bowlapolyse Chapter 3.


Penn State beats up on Clemson, 22 - 10, in the Pinstripe Bowl. Who thought it was a good idea to play a football game (that doesn't really matter) in the Bronx, in December, in a baseball stadium? Of course it snowed 8 inches the night before. Yes, players were tackling themselves because of the shitty turf. All part of the fun. 

Not for Dabo though. His Tigers finish 7 - 7, including the bowl game loss. Clemson was ranked #4 headed into this season and sports writers were talking about Cade Kubniak (I don't give a shit if I spelled it wrong) as a legit Heisman Trophy candidate. 
Penn State paddled the Tigers asses without Kaytron Allen or Nicholas Singleton, the runnning backs their offense was built around. Penn State's interim coach made Dabo his bitch. 
Happy Holidays.


BYU scores 15 unanswered points in the 4th stanza of the Pop Tarts Bowl to complete a balls-to-the-wall comeback against Georgia Tech. Georgia Tech possessions in the second half? 3 and out, 3 and out, 8 play drive ending in an interception by BYU. Bear Bachmeier covers himself in glory by going 27 for 38 and 325 yards through the air and running in a crucial 2 point conversion. BYU 25, GTech 21 the final. 
Pop Tarts. The only non-CFP bowl that really matters.
Never change, Tarts. 



LSU 35, Houston 38. LSU continues to wade into the deep end of a slurry pond using their tried and true system for losing games. Remember the rant ex-LSU coach Brian Kelly went on, at a post-game press conference week 2? I do, because, for some reason, I remember shit like that. I can't help it.
The rant was set off by a reporter's question about why LSU couldn't run the ball. They ran for 77 against Houston. Houston ran for 201. Stay classy, Brian Kelly. Always, Bro. 

Q: SWEEP! 5 to your 35 gives you 40. Crucial points.
Chiba: 2 to bring it up to 37. So average.
DTBH: 2 to make 31. Shitty.
Lola: SWEEP! 5 gets you 33 total. One turd above Shitty. 
Ronde': Add 2 to your 34 and you get 36. Yawn.
DPo: 2 + 30 = 32. Joke.
Sock: SWEEP! 37 and add 5, you have 42. Player.
KBro: Got 2. Have 48. More of a Player.
$$uke the Mindless: 2, total 36. Pathetic.
Psycho. 46 and add 1 for 47. Also a player.
Teebs: SWEEP! 5 to your 41 gives you 46. What the fuck?!
McLovin: 2 plus your 35 gives you 37. Mr. Mediocre.
Big Dom: SWEEP! 5 added to your 44 give you 49. Sole possession of the lead. Bustin' moves.
BroFro: 2 to your 46, 48 total. Clemson? Oh, what could have been. Sigh.



Lorne Malvo
Commissioner for Life