Bowlapolyse Chapter 3.
Penn State beats up on Clemson, 22 - 10, in the Pinstripe Bowl. Who thought it was a good idea to play a football game (that doesn't really matter) in the Bronx, in December, in a baseball stadium? Of course it snowed 8 inches the night before. Yes, players were tackling themselves because of the shitty turf. All part of the fun.
Not for Dabo though. His Tigers finish 7 - 7, including the bowl game loss. Clemson was ranked #4 headed into this season and sports writers were talking about Cade Kubniak (I don't give a shit if I spelled it wrong) as a legit Heisman Trophy candidate.
Penn State paddled the Tigers asses without Kaytron Allen or Nicholas Singleton, the runnning backs their offense was built around. Penn State's interim coach made Dabo his bitch.
Happy Holidays.
BYU scores 15 unanswered points in the 4th stanza of the Pop Tarts Bowl to complete a balls-to-the-wall comeback against Georgia Tech. Georgia Tech possessions in the second half? 3 and out, 3 and out, 8 play drive ending in an interception by BYU. Bear Bachmeier covers himself in glory by going 27 for 38 and 325 yards through the air and running in a crucial 2 point conversion. BYU 25, GTech 21 the final.
Pop Tarts. The only non-CFP bowl that really matters.
Never change, Tarts.
LSU 35, Houston 38. LSU continues to wade into the deep end of a slurry pond using their tried and true system for losing games. Remember the rant ex-LSU coach Brian Kelly went on, at a post-game press conference week 2? I do, because, for some reason, I remember shit like that. I can't help it.
The rant was set off by a reporter's question about why LSU couldn't run the ball. They ran for 77 against Houston. Houston ran for 201. Stay classy, Brian Kelly. Always, Bro.
Q: SWEEP! 5 to your 35 gives you 40. Crucial points.
Chiba: 2 to bring it up to 37. So average.
DTBH: 2 to make 31. Shitty.
Lola: SWEEP! 5 gets you 33 total. One turd above Shitty.
Ronde': Add 2 to your 34 and you get 36. Yawn.
DPo: 2 + 30 = 32. Joke.
Sock: SWEEP! 37 and add 5, you have 42. Player.
KBro: Got 2. Have 46. More of a Player.
$$uke the Mindless: 2, total 36. Pathetic.
Psycho. 46 and add 1 for 47. Even more of a Player.
Teebs: SWEEP! 5 to your 41 gives you 46. What the fuck?!
McLovin: 2 plus your 35 gives you 37. Mr. Mediocre.
Big Dom: SWEEP! 5 added to your 44 give you 49. Sole possession of the lead. Bustin' moves.
BroFro: 2 to your 46, 48 total. Clemson? Oh, what could have been. Sigh.
Lorne Malvo
Commissioner for Life
