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The Dead Pelican Brief
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BRFL 2022. The Final Tally.The reader is advised to keep his or her copy of The Living Document close at hand, the better to understand the arcane rules and byzantine calculations that led to the following scores.
By way of review, there were some changes to Bowl Season this year. A run-of-the-mill bowl game only gave 2 points for the win. A New Year's Six game ( Rose, Sugar, Orange, Cotton, Peach or Fiesta ) earned 4 points. The College Football Playoff semi handed you 4 points. The National Championship win awarded you 6 points.
Additionally, remember, you had your GG points added to your total. Which, in Timmy!'s case, was a big deal.
If you get confused (and who wouldn't?) refer to the latest iteration of the Living Document. This link should take you right to it.
And so, to business.
Lola. #1 pick in the draft for Season 17. Took Notre Dame. How'd she do? In a word; Shitty. The Domers dropped SowCow 45 - 38 in their bowl game (I don't know how the fuck this happened either). Starting Bowl Season at minus 9, Lola picked up +2 for the win, +1 for the no drop (yes, ND was ranked), +1 for the move up (you're shitting me) and she earned +6 from her GG work. Yes, folks, Lola turned things around (sort of) during Bowl Season and finished the season at +1. Finishes 11th out of 14. Not judging.
CCS. #2 pick in the draft in 2022. And he made it count. Signed on with the Evil Wolverine Conspiracy, which is regrettable. But he won the B1G by crushing Ohio State. He cruised into the CFP playoff and promptly got outscored by TCU 51 - 45 earning stoogatz in bowl season. Entered bowl-mania with an all but unassailable +32 points; 0 for the bowl, 0 for the no drop, minus one for the move DOWN, add 5 for GG, it's all over but the cryin' as CCS TAKES THE CHEESE with +36 for the BRFL Championship, #1 out of 14.
DPo. #3 pick. Tapped the Houston Cougars. Looked good on paper. Entered Bowl Season with +1 . Skonked the Rajun' Cajuns 23 - 16 in the bowl game. +2. Unranked so he got neither a no drop nor a move up. Plucked 3 from GG despite uniformly awful picks. Bowl season = meh for DPo. Ends the season with +6. # 8 out of 14. I'm reminded of the word 'suck'.
KBronieBoy. #4 pick. Jumps on the Oregon Ducks bandwagon (like a bitch). Enters Bowl Week at +15. Sneaks by woebegone UNC 28 - 27, +2. +1 for the no drop (of course they were ranked), no move up, sub-par performance in GG nets 1 (one!) point. When the smoke clears, finishes with +19 total. #4 out of 14. Picked 4th, finished 4th. Respect it. Or not.
Holy shit. Timmy!. #5 pick. Hitches his wagon to Michigan State. Sparty was just god damn awful in '22. Lord have mercy. Did the coach get fired? I think so. They finished 5 - 7, 3 - 6 in the B1G. Not bowl eligible so you can fucking forget those points. Unranked and bad, there were no other chances for points. T-tee entered a non-existent 'bowl season' at MINUS 8 but, wait, Teeblations ran away with GG and banked +10 to end the season with +2. This is why we pay attention to GG, People. #10 out of 14. Nothing to brag about but at least he didn't quit.
Jimbosuke. #6 pick. Boldly, and maybe unwisely, picked the University of Texas Longhorns. Got dumped by the University of Washington 😡 27 -20. Fuck you, Quinn Ewers. Plunged 4 in the AP (excessive, I thought), earned a paltry +2 in GG due to being dropped on my head as a baby and I end the season at +18. #5 out of 14. I like to think of myself as a "winner". Draw your own conclusions.
SockPuppet/PuppetMaster. # 7 pick. Why not Baylor, which would be absolutely suicidal? Baylor finished 6 - 6 and 4 -5 in the Big12. Air Force handed them their asses in the bowl game 30 -15. Sock entered Bowl Season with MINUS 12. He exited Bowl Season with MINUS 12. It's shocking but he finished #12 out of 14 in the BRFL. Oh, BTW, he finished out of the money in GG. 2023 seems like a rebuilding year.
Q. Of course, with the #8 pick, she picked Iowa. And Iowa kind of blew. Okay, they truck-dragged the University of Kentucky 21 - 0 in their bowl game. This added +2 to Q's +7. And the Q grabbed a quick +4 from GG. Ended the season with +13, #6 out of 14 which is, considering she had the #8 pick, over achieving.
DogTheBountyHunter. #9 pick. We've been over this. Took Utah. Many of us coveted Utah. Entered the NYSix Bowl Game (Rose Bowl) against hated Penn State with +18. Lost his QB in the first half and the wheels came off for Dog. PSU prevailed 35 - 21. AP dropped DTBH 3 in the final poll. Strong showing in GG netted him +7. Finishes up with +22. #3 out of 14. With the #9 draft pick? That's ballin'.
BreauxFreaux. Numba Ten pick. Again, picks a team we'd all been eyeing, NC State. Ultimately though? The Wolf Pack disappoints. Injuries play a major role but nobody really gives a shit. Maryland, fucking MARYLAND, hands Breaux the 'L' on bowl day 16 - 12 and the Breaux already went into Bowl Land at +1. But wait, Breaux, historically, is a force in GG. This year was no exception. The Freaux brings in +8 from GG and saves his own ass. Or, I should say, he would have had the AP not hung a REAM! on him for losing to Maryland. Minus 5 for that, Buddy, and you finally stop rolling down the pavement at +4 on the season. #10 out of 14. There's always next year.
Snottie. #11 pick in the '22 draft. Wisconsin is usually a safe pick. Not this year, Amigo. They sucked. To quote DPo, Chryst is crucified and fired and Jim Leonhard interims his way through a season from hell. Snottie enters the Bowl fracas at minus 6. But the Badgers dump Oklahoma State in their bowl. +2. Snottie shows up huge in GG, coming in second and taking home +9. Final tally for Snott? +5. #9 out of 14. Again, over achieving.
ChibaChew. #12 pick. Steps to the homer move and goes with the Cincinnatti Bearcats. 'Cats HC Luke Fickell decamps for the vacant Wisconsin job and Cincy gets owned by Louisville in their bowl. Sad. The Chi entered bowl season with +6, got only 2 from his GG efforts and ended the year with +8. #7 out of 14. That's some over achieving shit.
Ronde'. This fucker. #13 pick. He goes with USC. 'Too early' we all say. Okay, they got out-gunned by one point by the Tulane Green Wave in their bowl. But they went to a New Year's 6 Bowl Game and thy won the PAC-12. Ronde' started bowl season at +28 and had a legit shot at The Cheese. But no. He took the 'L'. The AP dropped him 4, off set by the +4 he picked up in GG, and he finished the season in 2nd place with 28. With the #13 pick. I don't quite know what to say.
McLovin. #14 pick. Sticks his neck out with the Ohio State pick. Michigan puts the Bucks on the Heavy Douche cycle setting and 'Lovin's season founders on the shoals. A 'where the fuck did THAT come from?' performance against UGA in the CFP semis gives him an AP boost. Miserable performance in GG is not helpful. Finishes the season at +13. #6 out of 14. Serious overachieving.
Next up, what you owe and what you can expect to bank.
Lance Herbstrong,
Commissioner for Life.
PS: To put it simply, this is how we finished:
1. CCS. Champion. Commissioner's Cup.
2. Ronde'
3. DogTheBountyHunter. Liberace winner.
4. KBronie
5. Jimbo$uke
6. Q and McLovin
7. ChibaChews
8. DPo
9. Snottie
10. BreauxFreaux
11. Timmy!
12. Lola
13. SockPuppet. Bruce Pinkernell Pinkie Parer winner.
