The final tally:
Charles Schanz, Jr.: 52 earns $401 Don't know why Jimwad was stealing the rest of your cheddar.(sorry, Chip, I thought it was 400. Not quite ringing the 400 bell.)
Jimbosuke: 41. $269. Way to try to take $11 bones from Chiphyllis. Baylor late season swoon leaves the Commissioner gasping by the roadside.
Snottie: 28. $113. Clemson hurts the Commissioner and downs the beloved Buckeyes. Strong finish for Snottie. Earns his second Liberace Trophy.
ClemboSlice: 27. $101. Has Clem ever won money before? Bruins bag him a nice Cnote.
SockPocket: 20. $17. Wisco disappoints but at least they made money.
---------------- Clemline: Seperating the winners from the losers since 2005 -----------------------------
SeaBiscuits: 18. - $7. The Legend losing money with Louisville. Sure sign of the Apocalypse.
Bungholio: 17. - $19. Lane Kiffin plus Pat Haden equals a shit mess. Hurtin'. Welcome to Tuscaloosa, Lane.
Randoucher: 15. - $43. From Miami Uphoria to abject depression in just a few weeks. They sucked.
Timay!: 11. -$91. Johnny Football lays some pipe to our international man of mystery. Dry ram.
BroPubes.: 10. -$103. Beamer Ball gashes the Bro a new asshole. GG bailout comes to the rescue.
Qspot: negative 3. -$259. Broncos leave smurf turf covered with shit and our girl wrings the hanky.
McLovin': negative 12. -$379. Lehman Brothers. Enron. Herbert Hoover. And McLovin'. Now we know how Custer felt. Bullshit Bulldogs hang a financial disaster on the Bro. Words fail me.
How good or bad were this year's picks, you're asking yourselves?
Commissioner has the answer.
Chip n"Sniff. MSU was UNRANKED and rose (get it?) to finish #3. Brilliant, amazing pick.
Jimbosuke. Baylor was unranked and rose to #6 before the wheels came off and they landed at #13. A good pick. Not a great one.
Snottie. Clemson started at #8. Finished at #8. He had the first pick. Meh.
ClemboSlice. UCLA started at 21. Ended at #16. A good pick. Solid. For Clem, fucking amazing.
ChuckMeHard. Wisco started at 23. Finished at #22. I hate Wisconsin. Let's not talk about them.
SeaBagwam. Louisville started at 9 ended at #15. Substandard pick for Seannie. Hang your head.
The Great Bungholio. USC started at #24, ended with an interim coach and
RanDingle: Miami started unranked, beat a shitty team and rose like a comet. Then they proceeded to play like they were heavily sedated and ended up unranked. It was really fun to watch. Thank you.
Timay!. Texas A&M started at #7. Tim subscribes to celebrity fanzines, apparently, and took the bait. Aggies finished @ #18 and Timay! is damaged.
BroFro. Virginia Tech? Tortured pre season analysis leads to a season of pain. Unranked ends unranked. You can't shine shit, Bro'.
QWoman. Boise State starts at #19. Any other year this is a rational pick. This year it's a total douchebag waving embarrassing misfire. Shame is your middle name. Broncocks end unranked.
McLovin'. Had an early pick. Georgia. Do you fucking believe Georgia was the #5 team in the AP in the preseason poll, Guys? ALERT: did we make sure we doinked McTool minus one from the start because he had the audacity to pick a top 5 team? Now updated. Jesus Christ Almighty, if we missed that opportunity to gore him one more time I'll never forgive myself. DBung, help me out. Does he owe even more then the $368 debt crisis his suck ass BullDouches hung on him? Do I need to even mention they ended up UNRANKED? Don't be sad, MickeyTool. You win the Bruce Pinkernell Pinky Parer.Mikey hasn't been fucked this hard since his bachelor party.
Thank you all for a wonderful season.
And those tee-shirts...Dudes...they are SO on the way.
Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life
Can't wait to pick first next year....let me know if I owe even more for the top 5 bullcrap....that would be just awesome.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Isn't there a " All your players get injured " consideration at least?
Revisions posted. Hot poker to McBoned's bung.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say. I thought the Tigers were going to make a run. No, not the Auburn Tigers, the Clemson Tigers. An AU pick would have cleaned up this year. War Eagle
ReplyDeleteSR
Highest dollar winner ever?
ReplyDeleteSR
I think so. I don't ever remember anyone shattering the 400 dollar ceiling.
DeleteJimbosuke
Me thinks Chip is the only 400 Club Member......NICE JOB Man !
DeleteMy bad, Boys. I must have been looking at the less than final version from the DPometronic Supercomputer. I believe Chip n' Syph has won the largest cash sum ever awarded.
ReplyDeleteAnd McLovin got rolled pretty bad.
Jimbosuke,
Commissioner for Life.
Uhm...thanks? Will there be any more versions coming out or can I use this as the final amount that I will need to beg, borrow or steal to get to?
ReplyDeleteCongrats Chip.
Still combing the Living Document to see if we can get you to -$400. Maybe we can increase the ream for each time you take one in the pooper. I assume you are 'okay' with this being retroactive.
DeleteHave your way with me Bard of the BRFL, everyone else has....that's me there in the ally, bruised, beaten and bloody, left to rot with the trash and the rats....
DeleteIt doesn't get any worse than this bloodbath, McLove.
ReplyDeleteAm I the record loser to go along with Chip.s record winning season?
DeleteThe short answer is "yes". McLovin'. You are a record loser.
DeleteJimbosuke
So I got thast going for me, which is nice.....
Delete"that", McBung.
ReplyDeleteJimbosuke