BRFL 2024, Final Scores.
Then came Breaux.
BreauxFreaux. Had a first round bye in the CFP playoff ( 'the first EVER 12 TEAM playoff!' Tell me you weren't sick of hearing that shit every two minutes? ) but it didn't serve him well. PSU's defense smothers the Broncos and the Cinderella Season ends.
Penn State 31, Boise State 14.
Doesn't really matter. The BF steamed into CFP week with +52, picked up one for the bye week (see 'rules nobody read') and got a +1 no drop from the AP since losing to Penn State is, I guess, not considered bad. Add +2 to his 52, +54 on the season but, wait, there's more. The MF BF tied for 3rd in GG and picked up +8 for a total pile of +62 on the season.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our Champion.
Big Dom. The Ponies gallop into Beaver Stadium and get skonked, 38 - 10, by Penn State. Kevin Jennings tosses three INTs and racks up minus 25 on the ground. Hard to win with those numbers.
But, again, BigD had +42 going in and, again, it's not okay to lose to anybody, except Penn State. The AP doesn't drop SMU so Dom ends the season with +43 then pockets 8 for the 3rd place tie in GG.
+51 on the year.
McLovin. Epic four game playoff run. Etc. 'Lovin was TOAST and then, well, the CFP happened.
End of week 15, TurdFace had +7. Destroys Tennessee (that's +4), Humiliates Oregon (up by 34 in the second quarter, that's +4 more), wins a tough one over Texas (+5, 'cause it's a semi) and then toys with Notre Dame to win the Trophy (+7, 'cause it is). Wins the National Championship. When the final AP poll drops, yes, he gets a no drop +1, but he also moves up +5 to the top spot.
Do the math.
Banks +26 in post-season scoring and then adds his GG +4, the fucker, to make it +30 and his +7 for week 15 equals +37 on the season.
Hello, Liberace.
There is a lesson here. A sick, disturbing and painful lesson. I'm not sure what it is. But no one is ever going to question McLovin's Ohio State fandom again.
Ever.
Timmy! Penn State sat at +24 at the end of week 15. (They lost to Oregon in the B1G conference champs game). Then Teebs thoroughly fucks up Big Dom's Ponies in round 1 (+4), kicks the shit out of BreauxFreaux's Broncos in round 2 (+4) and, eventually, gets butt-slammed by James Franklin's questionable decision making and loses to ND by 3 points in the semis. Gets dropped one spot when the final AP comes out. Post-season +7, not bad. Gifted 2 for his "efforts" in GG. 9 plus 24 makes +33 on the season for Teeblations.
Psycho. Tennessee had +28 at the end of week 15 and was thoroughly looking forward to playing an Ohio State team that had looked lost in the ozone the last time they took the field. Except the game was in Columbus and it was like minus 50 degrees and Ohio State had finally figured shit out. UT took the L in the first round and dropped 2 in the final AP Poll. Psycho wraps it up with +26 and 5 more for GG, total +31.
$$uke. Louisville had +19 at the end of week 15. The Cardinals grad transfer QB opts out of the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl but L'ville beats UW by one point anyway. Alas, the longed-for diddle never arrives. +2 for the nobody-bowl win. And, thank you, Jesus, +10 for CRUSHING GG, adds up to +31 final score for $$uke. Tied with Psycho. Knowing that this wounds Psycho deeply is reward enough for me.
KBronie. Memphis Tigers. This was another unranked pick that never quite reached escape velocity. The Bronie limps into the end of week 15 with +23. Takes care of his business in the Scooters Coffee Frisco Bowl or whatever the fuck and downs WVU 42 - 37, grabs +2 for that, he's ranked so he gets a no drop and a +1 move up when the final AP poll comes out. +4 in post season shenanigans, +23 from week 15 and +3 from GG. Add 'em up, a respectable +30 on the season.
Okay. Not great.
SockPuppet. Miami Hurricanes. Started strong, then faltered. Sock never trusted this team, and he knew what he was talking about. At the end of week 15, Miami was good for +25. They didn't make it to the conference championship game (in the ACC). And then they lost by 1 point to the Iowa State Cyclones in the Pop Tarts Bowl. Dropped 3 in the final AP poll. That's +22. Picked up 6 in GG. Total is +28.
Not inspiring.
DPo. Here's a clever bit of douchebaggery that looked like it couldn't miss, until it did.
The 'Po read the rules. And he picked Liberty, which should have been a great pick. A free +7 and playing nobody and the God Posse is a good program. Usually. Except this year. When they sucked.
The Jesus Eleven lost three games, didn't make it to the (Conference USA) conference championship game and then got ass-whipped by Buffalo (NY) in the Bahamas Bowl. The God Squad had +15 at the end of week 15. Big zero in post season play. A robust 7 from GG kind of saved the day. +22 on the year which is better than the fucking Flames deserved, to be honest.
Ronde'. Virginia Tech was an all-around disappointing team for Ronde'. 6 and 4 on the season, the Hokies end week #15 with +13. Only to go on to lose (convincingly) to Minnesota in the Duke's Mayo Bowl.
Zero in post season play and, uncharacteristically, Ronde' totally flames out in GG and puts up zero points there. It's +13 on the season and I must say I'm a little concerned. Is everything okay at home, Ronde'?
Lola O.: An ambitious and promising (at least for like two seconds) pick, the O tapped LSU this year.
It did not go well. The Tigers went 6 and 4, didn't sniff the conference championship game and managed to beat Baylor (!) in the Kinders Texas Bowl. Lola crawled into week 15 with minus 1 (yes, negative territory), picked up 2 by dumping the Bears and finished post season play with +1. Add 2 from GG to finish with +3. That is terrible.
DogTheBountyHunter. Kansas. Again with the Kansas shit for Dawg.
Kansas went 5 and 7 and was not bowl eligible. That is the text-book definition of a laughably bad pick. Yet here was a team that, in consecutive weeks at the end of the season, lost by 2 to Kansas State on the road and beat Iowa State, BYU (away) and Colorado, all four of them ranked teams. In the second half of the season these boys could, and did, whip anybody and everybody.
The Jayhawks roared into week 15 with zero points. There was no post-season play. Dawg only got 1 out of GG. +1 on the year.
Not gonna' judge.
ChibaChews. The Utah Utes. Dude, talk about yesterday's team. What the absolute fuck?! 46 year old Cam Rising was spotted on the sidelines a few times. Kyle Whittingham drinks. A lot. Utah woke up to find itself in the Big12 where the Utes proceeded to go on a 7 (seven) game losing streak and miss out on bowl eligiblility.
Utah bled into week 15 at minus 10. Thank God Chiba picked well in GG and racked up +9. The Chews finishes at minus 1 and it could have been much, much worse.
Congratulations.
Q. Florida State University. I think, maybe at first, a lot of us thought, 'well, maybe she knows something we don't know'. But, yeah. No. This was like a really bad pick. It was like watching a space mission go sideways. You knew, right away, that everybody involved in this pick (which was, really, just Q) was going to die, and that there was nothing you could do about it. FSU lost their first three games. You knew, right away, there wasn't going to be any 'turning it around' for the Seminioles. They won 2 games out of 14. They beat up on Charleston Southern and ... honestly? I was a little surprised. Week 15 score? Minus 21. Final score?
Minus 21.
An unmitigated disaster. A catastrophe against which all future catastrophes will be measured.
Blessings.
Lance Herbstrong
Commissioner for Life
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