GG Week 8 Games

 I want to give you all the Week 7 Games because it's an epic weekend. Even you, Randy. Though you blew off the games last weekend and I'll never forget it, taking it personally, as I did. 

The way I see it, if I give you dorks the games now, you can spend hours of fruitless handwringing and researching, only to see it all blow up in your face Saturday. Like last Saturday.

These are all Saturday games, by the way.

#7 Alabama Crimson Tide @ #11 Tennessee Volunteers. 3:30, abc/ESPN+.

#24 Meechigan @ #22 Illinois. Also 3:30, CBS/Paramount.

#5 Georgia @ #1 Texas Longhorns. 7:30, abc/ESPN+. Let's see who's for real. 

Roll the bones. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 6 Results

Sonny Styles

KBron. Memphis. Did not play (DNP). Stay at +11.

Note: We've gone back Old School when it comes to BRFL communication. The Spread Sheet stuff just didn't really work out. 

BigDom. (Formerly CCS). SMU has found themselves a QB. Ponies 34 over Louisville, 27. The Cards take it in the cloaca at home. BigDom with 1 for the win, +5 for the DIDDLE! DIDDLE! DIDDLE!, +6 on the week, +17 total.

BreauxFreaux. Boise State both hosts and cock-whips Utah State to the tune of 62 - 30 in Idaho. 1 for the win, 1 for the no-drop, +4 for the Move Up, +6 on the week and, hello, +26 for the total to take the lead. You Bitch, Breaux. 

DPo. God Flamers postpone their tilt against FIU until 10/8. Whatever. Call it +11 for now. Wait ...  this just in, The Party of God overcomes FIU 31 -24 in OT, 10/8/2024. Why does it feel like this team has reached its ceiling? +12 their updated puny-ass score. 

Ronde'. VTech 31 on the road over Stanford 7. Some controversy on the scoring here. We straightened it out. 1 for the win. +1 on the week. +10 on the season. VTech still essentially nobody.

$$uke. How brief the glory. Cards trampled by the Ponies, 27 - 34 at home. Minus 3 on the power plunge out of the AP. Then, it's REAM! time, minus 5 more. Minus 8 on the weekend. $$uke down to +13. 😥

DogTheBountyHunter. Kansas drops another one. 31 - 35, the Jayhawks take the "L" on the road vs the Sun Devils. Sadness. Stay at minus 4.

Lola O. LSU DNP. 1 for the no drop. Total is +9.

SockPuppet. On the road, Miami bests Cal 39 - 38. 1 for the win, 1 for the no-drop, +2 on the move up (???), +4 weekend, +24 on the season for Sock and the Puppet Master. 

Psycho (formerly Snottie). Wooo-Pig-soooiiieee. The Vols go down on the road to Arkansas, 14 - 19. Minus 4 on the drop. Total is +15 on the season. Suddenly, like ... you're nobody. 

Chiba. Utes DNP. Still. 1 for the no drop. +2 on the move up. +3 on the weekend. You should just not play more often. +3 on the year. 

Q. Are you fucking kidding me? At home, FSU lays another egg. Clemson 29, Florida State 13. An absolute disaster in Tallahassee. Stay at minus 22.

Timmy!, UCLA comes to Happy Valley and gets handled by the Nittanys, 27 - 11. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, +3 on the move-up (really? UCLA?) +5 weekend, +12 for Timmy! on the season. Road trip to the Coliseum looms.

McLovin. Buckeyes rock the All-Greys and bully Iowa in Columbus, 35 - 7 the final. But ... Iowa. Road trip to Eugene will tell the tale. 1 for the win, 1 for the no drop, 1 for the move up, McLovin is at minus 1.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

 

GG Week 7 Games

Penn State @ USC. Los Angeles, California, 3:30 PM CBS

Ole Miss @ LSU. Baton Rouge, Louisianna, 7:30, abc

Ohio State @ Oregon, Autzen Stadium, Eugene, Oregon, 7:30, NBC.

Roll the bones. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 6 Results

 Here's how it went down this weekend, Brothers and Sisters.

TAMU curb-stomps Missouri.  The Aggies can ball on Kyle Field. 41 - 10, TAMU.

Nebraska outlasts Rutgers. The BlackShirts might be back. 14 - 7, Huskers.

Washington gets pay-back on Meechy. Cry me a river, Sharon More.  27 - 17, Huskys.

See your email for details.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

Macho, macho man.

BRFL Week 5 Results

Freaks,

There has been some confusion with the scoring thus far this season. We've had equipment failures, a nervous breakdown, and rampant drug abuse in the back office but it looks like, with the help of Big Dom, we've finally straightened out the scores. See below for where you stand heading into Week six's contests:

KBron, Memphis: +11

Big Dom, SMU Mustangs: +11

BreauxFreaux, Boise: +20 (DIDDLE! last week)

DPo, Good-book Boys, +11

Ronde': VTech,: +10 (You don't play until Tuesday, for some reason.)

$$uke, L'ville: +21

Dawg, Kansas: minus 4

Lola O, LSU: +8

SockPuppet, Miami U: +20

Psycho, Tennessee: +19

ChibaChews, Utah: 0

Q, Florida State: -22 (you play Clemson today.)

Timmy!, Penn State: +7

McLovin, Ohio State: minus 4

 

That's it, Bitches,

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 6 Games

 I know, I know. 

You're thinking, 'The Commissioner is slipping". 

Here I am, trotting out the Week 6 games, and you haven't even seen the Week 5 Results. Did I send out the Week 4 Results?  I can't remember. I don't want to deal with it if I didn't so, well, fuck you.

Anyhoo. My shorts.

Eat them.

Week 6 Games.

And I'll admit it. We're scraping the bottom of the barrel here because there just are not a lot of quality games being played this weekend. 

Moving on,

All Saturday games:

#9 Missouri @ #25 Texas A&M, Kyle Field, College Station, TX. Noon. abc/ESPN+.

Rutgers @ Nebraska, Memorial Stadium in ... 'a town called Lincoln, Nebraska' ("with a sawed-off shotgun by my side"), 4 PM, FS1. I'm jazzed for this game. You should be too, BITCHES.

#10 Michigan Wolverines at Washington Huskies, a rematch of last year's National Championship game. Husky Stadium, Seattle, Washington. 7:30, NBC. 

Again, the Commissioner for Life has engineered a slate of games that invites you, the BRFL Participant, to enter a possibly irreversible vegetative state, from noon until midnight on October 5th, kept alive by nothing more than a pizza, liquor and a urinal. 

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 5 Games

 Week 5 Games, Bitches.

#15 Louisville @ Notre Dame #16, in South Bend. 3:30 PM, on the 'cock (NBC Peacock).

#2 Georgia @ Alabama #4, in Tuscaloosa. 7:30 PM, ESPN+.

unranked Washington State @ Boise State #25. Boise, Idaho. 10 PM, FS1.

You know what to do.

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 3 Results, Slaves

Down and dirty, the Week 3 results.

Details of how I arrived at these numbers will follow.

Fear not, My Children, Big Dom double checks these scores and is never wrong.

KBron: +10. 20 - 12, Memphis beats up on FSU.

Big Dom: +9. Ponies did not play (DNP).

Breaux: +8. Broncos DNP.

DPo: +10. God Posse dumps UTEP, 28 -10.

Ronde'. +9. Hokies over Old Dominion, 37 - 17.

$$uke. +22. Cardinals DNP.

Dawg. minus 4. Jayhawks go down to UNLV. 23 - 20 the final. UNLV doesn't suck.

Lola O. +1. Out of the darkness, into the light. LSU over SowCow, on the road, 36 - 33. 

Psycho. +15. Miami seal clubs Kent State 71 - 0. Good God. 

Sock. +17. Vols snuff Ball State, 62 - 0. Powerhouse.

Chiba. +4. Utes overcome a plucky Utah St. Eleven, 38 - 21.

Q.  minus 23. FSU goes down again. 12 - 20 vs Memphis. No words.

Timmy. minus 3. Penn State DNP.

McLovin. minus 8. Ohio State DNP.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

 

GG Week4 Games

GG Faithful,

Finally, we are getting some good games. 

Up this week for your gambling enjoyment:

Kansas @ West Virginia University.  In Morgantown, WV. Noon, ESPN2

Utah (#12) @ The Oklahoma State Cowboys (#14). In Stillwater, OK. PokeSticks much?

The Tennessee Vols (#6) @ The Oklahoma Sooners (#15). In Norman, OK. 7:30 PM, abc/ESPN2

Roll the bones.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3 Results. Bitches.

 GG Week 3.

Arizona comes to Manhattan, Kansas, and gets schooled. KState 31, Arizona 7. KSU Wildcat QB Avery Johnson lights it up in Bill Snyder Memorial Stadium, 14/23 for 156 and 2 TDs and, oh yeah, 17 totes for 110 yards and a 6.5 yd average on the ground. Kansas State's leading rusher.

LSU downs the Gamecocks 36 - 33. SowCow can't hold them off and Lola O escapes with the dub. 

Pitt entertains West Virginny and is down 34 - 24 with 4:49 left in the game. Alabama tranny QB Eli Holstein (21/30 301 yds., 10 yds avg.) puts the Pitt Panthers on his back and somehow engineers a 38 - 34 Pittsburgh victory. This guy was on fire. 

See the spread sheet I emailed you for scores.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 2 Results

 

Don't even talk to me about Excel spreadsheets and almost dead computer towers. Especially not you, DPo, not-doing-so-well-in-the-BRFL Guy. 

I kicked it old school on my Gazzintas and cipherin this week and, sparing you the mathematical genius stuff, this is where you stand, Douchebillys:

KBron: +9. Coxswain.

BigDom: +9. Tool.

Breaux: +8. Fuck off.

DPo: +9. Your face. My ass.

Ronde': +8. Yesterday's scrotum.

$$uke: +21. Mega Cock.

Dawg: - 4. I hear a gas station attendant laughing.

Lola O: -1. Participation trophy.

Psycho: +12. Asshole. Liberace.

SockPuppet: +13. Compulsive masturbation.

Chiba: +2. Disordered chromosomes.

Q: - 23: Found on the road dead as fuck.

Timmy: -1. Embarrassing gerbil fetish.

McLovin: -9. No. Just ... no. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 3

GG Week 3.

This is not a great week for games. 

Fear not, Loved Ones! The Commissioner is on the job. Hell yeah.

#20 Arizona @ # 14 Kansas State. Wildcat on Wildcat violence. 8 PM FOX, FRIDAY, 9/13. 

#16 LSU @ South Carolina Gamecocks. Cock whip or Tiger balm? Noon, SATURDAY, 9/14, abc.

West Virginia @ Pitt. The Backyard Brawl. 3:30, SATURDAY, 9/14, ESPN2.

God damn it now, roll the bones, My People.

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

GG Week 2 Results

 Patrons of the BRFL,

The Commissioner's computer continues to die a slow, painful death. At this point, when I tickle the magic plastic keys, I never really know, for sure, what I'm going to get. 

And neither do you. 

Just to be clear? That's your problem. Not mine. Okay? Continuing.

I guess there won't be any fancy jpegs or gifs this week (since my computer greets attempts at posting such things as those with a jolly, 'Fuck You!')

Yet still. Here's how it went down in GG World, Week 2.

Texas pulls into Ann Arbor and opens a can of whoop-ass on the Wolverines. 31 - 24 the final.

Syracuse (?!) moves to 2 - 0 after downing the visiting Georgia Tech eleven, 31 - 28.

The Cyclones from Iowa State roll into Kinnick Stadium and establish, once and for all, that Kirk Ferentz is probably one of the most overpaid, underpowered assholes in America. 20 - 19, the 'Clones hand the Hawkeyes the L in Iowa City. 

Check out the spread sheet attachment in the email I sent you to fully understand how worried you should be. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

But ... wait a minute ... the intrepid Commissioner found a work-around. How 'bout that Commissioner?

See that hand waving in the back? With the black wrist band and the white tape on the thumb? That's Seth McLaughlin, TOSU center, waving goodbye to true freshman Jeremiah Smith as Smith runs away from the Western Meechy Broncos to the end zone. You love to see it. 

GG Week 2

 GG Week 2.

Texas Longhorns at Michigan, in Ann Arbor, Noon, FOX.

Georgia Tech at Szracuse, in The Dome, Noon, ACC Network, whatever that is. 

Iowa State at Iowa, 3é30, CBS-Paramount.

Bitches, the tzpos in this post are not an accident. Mz hard drive is slipping. the Computer Genius was here todaz, house call, and the diagnosis is terminal. Hospice. So, thatäs the deal. I canät even punctuate. Fuck zou. 

ROLL THE BONES. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week One Results

KBron: Memphis shuts out and generally decimates North Alabama at home, 40 - 0.

CCS: The SMU Mustangs sneak by upset-minded Nevada on the road, 29 - 24 in week 0. The Ponies also kicked the living shit out of a squad from some place called Houston Christian, 59 to 7. This bludgeoning of some fine Christians garnered the Southern Methodists another point in the one poll that matters to the Big Man Upstairs. The BRFL. 

BreauxFreaux: Boise State in a shoot-out, on the road vs Georgia Southern, Broncos log the 'W', 56 - 45. Boise RB Ashton Jeanty with 267 yds and 6 rushing TDs on just 20 totes. O-line opens gaping holes. 

DPo: How does perennial Conference USA powerhouse Liberty U manage to come up with a 'pay-day game'? Answer: They find a team called the 'Campbell Fighting Camels' (I'm not making this up) out of Cullowhee, North Carolina, and they manage to malign the poor fucking Camels, at home, 41 - 24. It was 17 - 10, Jesus Freaks, at the half. Cause for concern?

Ronde': VTech Hokies go down to Vanderbilt on the road. 34 - 27, Commodores, in OT. Sadness in House Ronde'.

$$uke: Louisville entertains and obliterates Austin Peay 62 - 0. True freshman RB Isaac Brown runs for 123 but ... Austin Peay.

DogTBH: Kansas takes it to the Lindenwood Lions (?!), out of St. Charles, MO, 48 - 3. Rock Chalk Jay Hawk. The Jayhawks log a 'W" at home against a fucking nobody posse from Missouri. 

Lola: Last second touchdown dooms the Bayou Bengals. USC 27 over LSU 20, at a neutral site and Brian Kelly is pissed off. He has a talented but undisciplined mob on his hands. He's raised up a Personal Foul Machine and now he's God damned pissed at them. Deep breaths, Coach. It wasn't even a conference game.

Snottie: Tennessee Vols 66, Chattanooga Mocs 3. What the fuck is a 'Moc'? It's a Mockingbird, okay? Let's move on. 

Nico Iamaleava 22/28, 314 yds, 11.2 avg. per pass completion, 3 TDs, 0 INT, QBR 81.6. And, oh yeah, the Vols churned out 304 on the ground. 

SockPuppet: The Hurricanes pound a half a dozen more nails into Billy Napier's coffin as they roll into The Swamp and cock-whip the Gators 41 - 17. Cam Ward is on a mission. 

ChibaChews: Utah humiliates Southern Utah in Rice-Eccles Stadium, 49 - 0. Pay-day game much? Still. Cam Rising is back. 10/15 for 254 and a 16.9 avg., 5 TDs and a 91.9 QBR. The Utes log a total of 328 and 6 TDs up top, yet their TOP RECEIVER accounted for only 34 yds total. Spreading it around. 

Q: Florida State opens up on the road vs. Georgia Tech and ... gets dumped with the walk-off FG by the Bumble Bees or whatever. FSU 21, GTech 24. Hey, the game was in fucking IRELAND. They serve beer in Ireland. Everybody and their brother Bob were probably shit-faced drunk by the end of the first quarter. Hard to draw conclusions from this game. 

      But wait. There's more.

      The GTech smack-a-bitch-up number in Dublin was week ZERO. The Seminoles followed that up with a Monday night game this week against another conference foe, Boston College. Florida State 13, Boston College 28. FSU looked zombie-like. Hello?! They were in Ireland 9 days ago. Why the hell would you send a bunch of teenagers to Europe and then have them play a Monday night game 9 days later? 

     Still not buying that FSU sucks but, like, super glad I didn't pick them.   

Timmy!: Penn State 34, West Virginia 12, in Morgantown, WV. Some kind of apocalyptic mini tornado delays the game at the half but can't obscure the fact that the Nittany defense is for real, and Drew Allar does not suck at the QB position.  

McLovin: Ohio State 52, Akron 6, in The Shoe for the Buckeye opener. Folks, the Akron Zips gave the Scarlet and Gray all they could handle for a half and then, depth being a 'thing' in college football, the Bucks pulled away. The take-away? Ohio State has O-line issues. 

To see where you stand, see the spread sheet attachment. 

Lance Herbstrong

Commissioner for Life

BRFL Week 1 (1).xlsx